Vacation
is almost over. For many students, school has begun, or is about to
begin. How about I close August with the ultimate vacation adventure,
courtesy of Nintendo?
Anyone
remembers StarTropics? No? Well... On one hand, it IS one of
Nintendo's most forgotten series. Created by Nintendo of America, the
series is little known in Japan. And since most Nintendo games are
made in Japan, let's say this small franchise doesn't get much
attention. It was barely mentioned in Super Smash Bros. Brawl's
Chronicle mode and received no trophy whatsoever. Not even stickers!
It's kind of sad for Mike Jokes, the hero of this story. And since I
grew up with the game (it was in my collection of NES games, and it
was one of my favorites), I told myself that I HAD to review it at
some point. Give it a bit of the spotlight for once.
The
game is fairly simple: Mike Jones walks around on the overworld
screen, enters villages, speaks to people, solves puzzles. When he
enters a dungeon, the perspective shifts; now we follow Mike one room
after the other, as he battles enemies, finds switches to open doors,
jumps on pads and avoids the dozens of hazards. On the way, he gains
upgrades to his main weapon, and also finds all sorts of additional
weapons and items in the dungeons, which help him fight the dangerous
enemies and the creative bosses on his way.
How
about we start now? This is StarTropics, everyone, a game that
definitely deserves a better place in Nintendo's large library of
games.
As
soon as the game starts, we see Mike dropped off from a helicopter
onto C-Island, where he was supposed to meet his uncle, Dr. Jones.
...who, by the way, looks nothing like Indiana Jones, not even the one from Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. So Mike walks
on C-Island, which really is C-shaped, and enters the village. There,
he has to speak to absolutely everyone before he can speak to the
Chief. Because you know, an American boy looking for his uncle sure
will want to hear about everyone's little problems, right?
In
fact, this is something that has bugged me ever since I bought the
game, long ago, and it still bugs me. WHY do you need to speak to
everyone in the village? On a technical standpoint, it makes little
sense, as Mike was sure he could see his uncle. It's only once he
enters the Chief's hut that he learns that his uncle has been
kidnapped! Why on Earth would he need to speak to everyone before he
even learns the news? Not like it makes a big difference...
Anyway,
C-Island's chief (who bears a mustache that would make Mario proud)
gives Mike the famous Island Yo-Yo- Oh wait, I meant the Island Star.
Seriously, who's the dumbass who decided “Yo-Yo” was a trademark?
Enterprises, always stopping us from having fun words. So, Mike, now
armed with the Island Star (urk... My nostalgia feels betrayed),
heads to the sorceress' hut, where he enters C-Island's cave, which
has been inexplicably filled with monsters and traps shortly after
Dr. J.'s disappearance. And as luck would have it (me and my bad
luck...), it's the only way towards Jones' laboratory.
That's serpently a good first boss. |
Dolphin translator... what else do we have in here? A toaster for bagels only? shoes without laces? ...A poster of The Room?? |
Come over here, Octo! I want to examine you a little! Don't be shy, I just want you to meet Mrs. Yo-Yo and Doctor Bat! |
Jumping: Not very easy in this one. Then again, it could have been worse. It Could have been Link. |
76 mirrors, 40 bolas... Wait. Couldn't he just use the same mirror every time? Or the game knows how many times the mirror can be hit before it breaks? |
Want
another proof that Mike is an idiot? The next time we hear about him,
he got caught in a storm and crashed the Sub-C. Luckily for him, he
survived; he landed on a beach. The same cannot be said for the
submarine, caught in a coral reef. If he wants his quest to continue,
he has to find a way to repair it. So he starts walking on the
island, completely forgetting about the robotic buddy still in the
ship...
Mike
walks through a small dungeon containing, among others, flamingos
with skull heads. ...I wish I was making that up. Oh, and monkeys
with wings. But who cares? This is a short dungeon! Mike finds a way
out and reaches the village of Miracola, where he has to – once
more – speak to freaking everyone if he wants to enter the Chief's
hut. Again, why? Mike is in a hurry, he needs to find his uncle, he
doesn't have time for little pointless island chatter! Anyway, Mike
speaks to the chief of Miracola and learns that his daughter has been
cursed with eternal sleep. And of course, he will not help Mike
unless the American teenager finds the spell to wake her up.
Because
obviously, a tourist should do all the dirty work. Me and my stupid
tendency to question this game's logic...
I guess fiery tempers must be doused. Water you gonna do? |
Okay,
look, I know Mike has been sent on this quest and all, but seriously?
The bosses are that stupid? C-Serpent keeps opening its mouth,
sometimes for no reason; Octo approaches the player, not even trying
to hurt him; and now this smartass fire monster who fully KNOWS it's
standing just over water and that falling into it will instantly kill
him? Gosh!
Still,
as a result, Mike passes to the next location. He knows about a sage
located on top of a mountain... but Mike has to get there, the path
is closed, and there is no bridge! However, there's a castle
nearby... and the queen of Shecola knows the formula to bring the
bridge up. There's just one problem. Shecola is home to rabid amazons
who do not let men enter the castle. Insert female homoerotic subtext
here if you have a dirty mind. Mike walks around the castle and finds
a fortune teller who promises to help him enter the castle... if Mike
brings back her crystal ball, which has been lost in the Ghost
Village, at the very top of the island. Great, more fetching!
Mike
enters the Ghost Village, more of a graveyard around a lake than
anything else really, and finds an odd tombstone that turns out to be
an entrance to another dungeon! This one is really long and tedious
and tricky, as there are many false exits that will force you to
restart the whole dungeon from the freaking beginning. Yes, this is
an unnerving level. But there's worse. Along the way, you pick up
special scepters that will emit a flash in a room when you use them.
This causes ghosts to become visible. Yes, there are ghosts in here!
And you better not waste the scepters in ghost-less rooms, or you will be
stuck. And there is no way to know if there's a ghost in the room until you use the scepter.
Mike
continues walking through the dungeon and eventually meets wizards
that appear and disappear; also, they shoot energy balls and can NOT
be hurt by the yo-yo or other weapons... so Mike uses mirror shields
to reflect the energy balls back at them. Apparently it works. Oh,
did I mention that there are also HORDES OF MUMMIES in the level?
Holy crap! Anyway, Mike also manages to reach the boss... Maxie, a
giant ghost. This boss does show some intelligence, though: It stays
far from the ground, floating over the water, and has hordes of small ghosts
going towards Mike. Oh, and there's also cannons shooting fireballs.
It also speeds up after it's been hit. Kudos, StarTropics: Your most
logical boss so far is a ghost.
Still,
after Mike destroys Maxie, he finds an empty room where he presses a
button, causing all of the lake's water to go underground. Mike
recovers the crystal ball, goes back to Shecola and gives it to the
fortune teller.
No, really? Congrats, Mike, you almost blew your cover! |
How does he do if he runs out of food up there? Does he teleport down there for grocery shopping? Because I can't picture him going through this whole dungeon with four grocery bags! |
Oh,
I forgot to mention a running gag about Mike traveling around with bananas? My mistake! Oh yeah, I sure would get a lot of comedy out
of that...
Anyway,
the Sub-C is picked up from the reef and repaired by the Miracolans,
and Mike leaves to his next destination.
Mike
is still in his quest when he finds a little island shaped like a
fish. He visits the village of Tunacola (yuck!), in which he hears
that Dr. J.'s assistant, Bubba, is searching for him. Mike leaves
again in the Sub-C, but the submarine gets eaten by a giant whale!
Inside the whale, Mike finds Bubba, who was out at sea on a raft...
Okay... and a lighter, but the lighter is far inside the giant whale.
Bubba, also known as “an insulting caricature of island ethnics”,
tasks Mike with the job of finding the lighter so they can set the raft on fire
and cause the whale to sneeze. Mike ventures
through the whale and finds the lighter, and then comes back. Mike
and Bubba carry on with their plan, which indeed causes the whale to
sneeze and spit them on a nearby tiny island. Talk
about a lucky coincidence that there was an island around, huh? Mike
can't swim, remember that!
By the way, congratulations to that whale for having innards that look so much like a dungeon. Nature does things well. |
Bubba
tells Mike that finding Dr. Jones will be much easier if the Sub-C
can locate him; only, the helping robot needs the code... which can
be found only by dipping the letter in water. ...You know, the
letter? The one that was packaged with the game? What? You don't
remember that? You lost the letter? You're lucky the Internet is
there! You had to dip the very real letter given to players with the
game in water, and the code would appear: 747 (no need to thank me).
You then input the code as the robot asks, and Mike is ready to
leave, with a Sub-C upgraded both to go underwater (IT WAS ABOUT FREAKING TIME!) and to locate the scientist.
Sounds
like a fun vacation so far, huh? See you this Monday for the next and
final part!
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