|On the one hand, he's really lucky, he's going around with|
three girls in skimpy outfits. On the other hand, they're in
a world where skimpy outfits are the DUMBEST
possible wear since there are monsters EVERYWHERE.
I’ll do my best to avoid discussing the fact that this RPG is just the umpteenth story I see with a chosen one. It’s even in the damn title! But it’s like saying that a sheep is woolly. Sure, I said it and it’s true, now what do we do with that info? It’s not even subtle about it, but while it’s a clear part of the plot, I believe there are more important things to say about it.
|Oh look, an ice building with rolling snow boulders!|
Never seen that before!
We now reach the snowy island and enter its sole building, where we find a small community of people who escaped Lord Akuma’s prison. Of course, just because they have happily escaped doesn’t mean they’ll lend anything to you for free. Gotta fork over the cash for all of these armors, weapons and items! Then we enter the following dungeon, which sees the party going through the good old random puzzles. Yeah, playing around a dungeon, solving puzzles seemingly put there by a greater order, all to get one little item? Just pushing boxes around?
|Ah, VGCats. Between the poorly-timed political jokes, blatant author|
filibusters and that one outrageous coathanger abortion joke, Scott
Ramsoomair at least manages to point out the silliness of certain
video game conventions.
|Ah yes, a maze of staircases. Never seen that before|
either. I don't want to imagine the corridors
Of note, as a programming quirk in The Chosen RPG, you can actually talk to and battle the Ice Guardian over and over again. That’s another thing to look out for when making your game; making sure that certain things won't trigger again when they should be done only once… But all that’s on my mind is how the three female party members must be freezing to death in their near-nudity in this environment. Trinity says that the Holy Crystal is in Rosefalcon Kingdom, where she comes from. Alright then, let’s go there. As we leave, we're accosted by the mysterious dark knight, so we have another boss fight with the guy.
|That's Trinity's mom? She looks just like Trinity|
in a dress. Might as well end up dating her instead
of her daughter, they look exactly the same.
|They don't even bother to make the battler picture|
look like Jen the character who appeared ON THE SCREEN
Sure, let’s go with that, such a name can’t be as cliché as everything else in this damn story. Either way, it’s time to go out and beat up Lord Akuma! Thus ends Chapter 3 – well, that was a quick one.
There’s only one thing left to do, plot-wise. But no good RPG is complete without side-quests – and thus, what else is there to do in this game? Well, a fetch quest and bonus bosses. Standard fare.
-The fetch quest involves looking for six parchment papers hidden all over this world. They’re usually seen on the map, whether it’s on the ground, or on a table. Gotta look all over the place! Do you get a reward for bringing these parchments to someone? Actually, no. They just deliver tidbits of info about the game’s setting.
|Finally a monster who might be the right size for this|
-The first bonus boss is a Cerberus. The three bonus bosses in this game were taken from the RPG Maker’s library of premade resources, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that these monsters have the stats they already had in the premade encounters that are available to everyone. The Cerberus lives on the second floor of a witch’s house, and when it’s defeated, the heroes gain the Magic Wand Azert, which is the best weapon that can be equipped to Myste.
-In the cave between the first island and the desert island, there was a dragon statue. If you have a certain key item, that dragon will awake and can be battled – and defeated, letting the party get its hands on Serenity’s best weapon, the Magic Claw Zephyrus.
|Oh, it IS the most powerful monster in the world.|
Not poweful enough to beat us though!
With all that stuff equipped to the heroes, they can’t lose the final battle!
And thus we sail back to Lord Akuma’s dark fortress. On the way, it’s also possible to find a house where a witch will channel Edge’s mother through her bangle (remember that?), and that’s also where the Cerberus can be fought. The witch can even give the party the keys to her Airship, allowing the four to travel wherever they please. Reaching the fortress, we enter and can find a portal in a room leading towards another world. Gee, never seen that before.
|You want to get in my way, lamia bitch?|
I KILLED A DEMON GOD! TRY ME,
|Can't I just kill you and skip the pop quiz?|
Seriously, I couldn't be bothered to give a damn about
most of what happened in this game.
With all four challenges beaten, the middle door opens and the group enters Akuma’s throne room, only to meet Akuma himself and the mysterious dark knight. Honestly, it would be hilarious if his entire motivation for being a villain is because he’s fed up of seeing women walking around in lingerie and nothing else. But no, it’s generic “I want revenge because my father the God of Chaos was defeated and waaah waaah waaah”.
|So, all this time I've been kicking my father's ass?|
...He's gonna be so, so proud of me!
Well, gee. Part of me wants to snark that I didn’t see that coming, although the intro of the game and the mentions of Edge’s dad hinted quite strongly at it. There was plenty of foreshadowing indeed. This game at least got that concept right, even if the twist is fairly obvious.
And thus, despite Edge’s dad risking death if Akuma is defeated… Edge takes on Akuma in a battle. This is the final battle, and Edge has the… well, edge of the fight. It kinda helps that he has three more characters in his party. It also helps if you overleveled on the isolated island. The party defeats Akuma and he vanishes, but then Edge’s father dies after sharing some final words with him. Good work, Edge. Then the place comes crashing down and the three girls flee before Edge. He leaves but gets trapped behind, while Trinity, Serenity and Myste are back in their world, just fine.
And thus ends The Chosen, in a cliffhanger that gets resolved… in the sequel, which was released on Steam on March this year. And, great; that means that I’m gonna have to review that someday. So, this is all there was to say about this game…
|By the end of the game, this screen of magic spells|
that Myste can use is full. You have plenty of choice
to rain down blows on the enemies.
|They are facing the player and ignoring the characters!|
The main issue is probably the cliché story, which we’ve seen dozens of times. Gods of order and chaos in a constant struggle? A human descendant of a God causing havoc? A legendary sword that can defeat the evil? Collecting pieces to obtain something even stronger? Getting a team of allies? …Okay, that last one is kind of a requirement. The final level in a different, dark universe? A dark knight? A troubled hero with family secrets? Come on now.
|For Christ's sake, if I want drawn porn of female|
characters who never take off their underwear, I'll
go back and play Sexy Poker on my Wii again.
|Look at that full body armor for Edge. If guys followed the|
same fanservice rules, he's be in boxer shorts, fighting evil.
If I ever discuss this game again, it’ll be when I review the sequel, which I got as part of a bundle (so I paid very little for it). Judging by the user reviews and the screenshots in the trailer… yeah, it seems as though none of this game’s issues were resolved in the sequel.
Well, I’ll get there when I get there. Tune in this Friday for the next review, when I’ll be discussing the first free game I got from Ubisoft’s UPlay last year: Rayman Origins. See ya then!