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December 9, 2015

Demo Review 37: Crazy Racers

So far, I’ve tried to be positive in this year’s demo reviews. Get ready, for this one I’m gonna be really angry.

Crazy Racers is a racing game. The title kinda gives that away. As we start the game and select the “Start demo” option, we’re told that the game requires the Nunchuk. Gee, couldn’t I have been told that earlier? I know it sounds like nitpicking, but every game tells us that the Nunchuk is required BEFORE it actually starts. Hell, YOU DON’T EVEN GET A TUTORIAL.

Since this is a demo, you’re thrown headfirst into the game. What’s that? You want to know how this thing is played? Suck it! You want to know what the characters are? Why would you care? You want to pick your character? Again, suck it! You want to pick a course? Tough luck, there’s only one!

The graphics are terrible. It looks worse than Nintendo 64 graphics. In fact, it looks worse than the fucking Anubis II game. Seriously. It’s ugly as Hell. Also, the track is awful, sometimes you can’t even tell where you’re supposed to go.

The controls are terrible. It’s Z to go forward, C to go backwards, and the Nunchuk’s joystick to go left and right… but guess what? If you so much as push a little too much either side, the car will skid and hit a wall! There’s no slight turning here… Nope, it’s a full 90 degrees left or right! That’s not driving, that’s skidding with style! I just can’t convey into words how terrible these controls are. Also, when you hit a wall, you waste some precious seconds just trying to go backwards so you can return to the track! Oh, and of course, when you hit barriers or walls, who knows, you may just fall victim of the horribly-programmed collisions, which means that your car will go through and fall in the water. And it also takes forever to return to the track after you’ve fallen in the water. And of course, staying on the track is nigh-impossible, and the patches of land on either side will slow you down.

If you somehow get an item and use it (by pressing A), nothing says that it’s going to help. I didn’t get a lot of items, though at least one of them proved useful in staying on the track. But even then…

This demo is a piece of shit. You want to see the terrible by yourself? Look it up on YouTube. Don’t even download the demo. It’s a waste of time. This is one of the worst games I have reviewed for Demo Reviews. Oh, also, the full version costs 1200 points. That’s 12 fucking bucks. I wouldn't want this thing for free.

God, what a fucking piece of shit.