Steam Pack 4

I’m back with another of those, yes! Why, you ask? Well, because I had time to play some other games in my collection since the last one. Yes, I know, it’s only been… er… six weeks? So what, I have so many Steam games – so many that I got almost for free, others that were pretty cheap… if I want to get through this humongous collection, at some point I’m gonna have to speed up a little. And if making more Steam Packs is what it takes… then, why not? Here, have my thoughts and comments on four more titles in my Steam Library. I’m hopefully gonna get out of the Bs and Cs of my collection soon enough!

Beat Hazard

I wish spaceships in real life could shoot bullets
that threw out so much color into the depth of space.

Audiosurf let you ride your music. Made by Cold Beam Games, Beat Hazard sets a complete shoot’em-up to your music. In some ways, it’s better. In others, it’s worse. Ever since I reviewed Audiosurf last year for Steam Pack 2, I found myself less and less interested by it as I soon realized that the game was too easy even on Normal difficulty (I got so used to moving around catching colored blocks that the game didn’t seem all that tough now, except on the hardest difficulty). It got monotonous after a bit. Meanwhile, Beat Hazard manages to be even more creative… and even more difficult, which is always welcome.

Oh, and fear the bosses, because those can be a pain
to fight. Especially in the special Boss Mode.

Here, you are a little spaceship floating in deep space, and enemies come at you from all around the screen, in rhythm with the music currently playing. A level usually starts with a few floating asteroids, after which actual enemies show up. Then the enemies get stronger – we get some that actually shoot at our ship, then we get some that are equipped with magnets attracting our ship to them, or pushing it away. Then we get others that release a dozen ship-seeking missiles when destroyed. Others fly around the screen, releasing little destructive spheres. What about these that look like worms, with indestructible heads, forcing the player to destroy only the body segments? Oh, and let’s not mention the few different types of bosses that can appear mid-track for you to battle!

Thankfully, like any good shoot’em-up, you’ve got a wide selection of spaceships to use in this quest. Some are slower but pack a bigger punch, some are fast and can easily avoid projectiles, and some others shoot instantly as soon as there’s an enemy on the screen… And so you can see them all explode into bits, leaving colored lights in the blackness of space in the background. Blow up a whole ton of enemies and see the world around like a mural of explosions of color! So much light, so much brightness! Thank God I’m not epileptic, or I’d be having a seizure! Hell, even without epilepsy, this thing hurts the eyes!

"Complete 3 tracks on Insane"? Sounds alright.
I'll just pick 30-second tracks. Oh, what? I have to
pick a song longer than 210 seconds? I'm doomed!

If you’ve got the Shadow Operations Unit DLC, a whole new world opens for you; all the available ships in the hangar come with three missions to complete (whether it’s collecting a few million points in total, beating bosses, that sort of thing – most of which require you to avoid dying). In-game, you can collect 10$ powerups that get added to your “wallet”, with which you can buy upgrades for your ship, whether it’s extra bombs and lives when you start a level, bigger score bonuses, and extra powerups like enemy-seeking missiles, repellent shields, or death rays. However, you can only equip a number of those upgrades, so choose wisely! You can even use that money to unlock two harder-than-hard game modes, labeled Insane and Suicidal… just in case the game wasn’t already hard enough as is. Oh, there's also a multiplayer mode, if you have a friend to share the fun with.

...This is so bright! And what an impressive boss!
...But where the **** is my ship?

For, you see, this game is pretty hard. It’s a very awesome idea to have the music radically change the incoming enemy waves from a track to the other. Things can be pretty hectic, though, especially if the density of enemies on the screen makes it difficult to see incoming weapon blasts and other attacks. Worse even, remember when I said that enemies exploded into colored lights? Well, that too can make it hard to spot the deadly blasts. The intensity of these flashing lights can be bothersome too – and while you can set that intensity anywhere from 50% to 200%, even setting it at the lowest doesn’t help much. Your eyes might tire after a while playing this game. Thankfully, if you’ve got a big collection of music, and a desire to buy and complete the Shadow Missions, you’ll have hours upon hours of fun. All in all, despite these small issues, I find Beat Hazard to be pretty damn awesome – as long as you’re not epileptic…

If you’re interested, you can buy the base game for 9.99$ USD, or buy the bundle that also includes all DLC for 16.99$ USD. Enjoy!

BEEP

Hello WALL-E! Oh, it’s not WALL-E? Well, it sure fooled me!

Ready to explore the universe... or overtake it.

Big Fat Alien’s indie game BEEP is a story set in the future, where armies of robots were sent to explore the galaxy. These robots have jet engines to float, a cannon to shoot at hazards, and an antigravity beam to move around giant rocks and other pieces of the surroundings. Since the spaceships can build an endless reserve of BEEPs, there’s no worrying if you lose a few… or many. Someday, a BEEP ship finds a solar system that can be visited…

And thus BEEP begins. Your task is simple: Collect bits of antimatter. There are four in every level, with three that can be found by exploring, and one that is created by gathering all the smaller pieces in that level. You need them to unlock new areas. And thus, BEEP visits various worlds, collecting antimatter, needing 60 to unlock the final world.

For such a small robot, BEEP certainly has a lot of room
inside for these many large bullets.

The game turns quickly into a puzzle platformer, a term you’ve most likely heard already as it’s a popular indie genre. It soon becomes necessary to drag around items with BEEP’s antigravity beam, in order to reach higher ledges and get more antimatter. Not to mention every time where you need to move a bunch of things around. Later levels include even more elements of puzzles and precision games. And indeed, per video game rule, things get pretty difficult as BEEP gets more antimatter and unlocks planets closer and closer to that solar system’s sun. From the early. grassy lands, to the fiery pits of Hell of a planetside that always faces the Sun… have fun exploring these 24 levels and collecting all 96 antimatter parts!

The game ends as your umpteenth BEEP finds an alien tower on a moon near the final planet. That place contains the control command for all the enemy robots met during your robot’s journey. Upon learning that they eradicated all biological life in this solar system, BEEP decides that they must be dealt with… and thus heads out to these robots’ home world. The adventure continues!

Well that sure looks like a planet on which life forms
had a chance to survive...

It’s a concept we’ve seen many times before, a puzzle platformer protagonist who’s able to move around elements of the scenery in order to access the next areas. On this, BEEP does fairly well, presenting some puzzles that really make you think about what you have to do. The 24 levels, spread over six very different worlds, are pretty fun to visit, and BEEP’s abilities make for interesting gameplay. However, the difficulty is increased in part by the fact that BEEP has only six hit points, and by many enemies having also their fair share of HP, especially the wheeler robots that will shoot at BEEP whenever they see him, and take at least four bullets to go down. These are, without a doubt, the biggest obstacle after the many endless pits. Also, while the camera can be moved left and right to view upcoming sections, you also move around stuff through the anti-gravity ray with the mouse, making it impractical when the camera controls decide to play along. And of course, BEEP often has to move while the anti-gravity ray is working, making it often difficult to move an item properly… All in all, not a bad experience, there are definitely some good elements in this, but it’s rather middle-of-the-road. You can check it out on Steam here, if you’re interested. Right now, it’s free… If you buy a large bundle comprising many other games, which I’ll all be reviewing someday for the blog…

Biodrone Battle

We had a robot on a mission… so here, have another robot on a mission. Sort of. In Biodrone Battle, from indie developer voodoosoft, you control a machine in an abandoned lab (Or arena?). Your robot is grossly under-armed for the task, possessing only a basic cannon and a weapon that takes control of other robots… wait, what? That’s actually pretty cool! You can possess other enemies and use them on your quest! Okay, it's cool... on paper, at least.

Tell me, is there anything of interest here?

There are 21 floors in the first mode, named Man or Machine, with a few rooms being unlocked when you’ve collected enough keys. You usually have to defeat all the enemies on a floor in order to complete it. That’s how you get keys, I suppose. A task that isn’t helped by the large amount of hit points the enemies have – and the simply insane speed at which they can shoot bullets before you’ve had time to deplete their life bars! All robots have their own playstyle, and it becomes possible to switch between those collected thus far at will. Not like you’ll actually see much of that… Most of the rooms are in complete darkness, with the lights coming from the robot you control as well as a few shining points here and there.

No?

It could be an interesting concept. But the execution is so damn dull. There is simply nothing of interest here. There is little music to get you pumped and willing to go forward, and the environments are grey and boring. The worst part about this one, though, is the difficulty. You can barely make it past the tutorial, with how brutal the opponents can be. The first few enemies encountered can kill you in mere seconds, while you need a number of hits to kill them! You “could” try a stealth approach, but it’s tricky since, as I mentioned, your robot emits freaking light! In this completely dark environment! Most of the time, you’ll get killed brutally either by an enemy that you didn’t see in the dark, or cornered with no way to fight back efficiently. It’s not even worth playing past a few floors…

Oh. I died. I got bored by this one in record time anyway.
On to something better.

…oh sure, you could try, if the game didn’t decide to stop you in your tracks. I’ve been lucky not to run into any glitches, but apparently those are common in the game. I did have issues connecting to the single-player mode, seeking a server to play in... for a game that’s not nearly popular enough to need a multiplayer mode and servers, much less 9 of them! It’s incomprehensible!

This… this is just bad. Seriously, don’t buy it. But if you must, well, it’s over there on Steam, where you can waste spend a dollar on it.

Choice Chamber

Let’s end this on a game for all you streamers out there. Choice Chamber, made by Studio Bean, allows full interaction with a streamer’s audience in order to personalize the single-player adventure. Every once in a while, a question pops up on the screen, offering a choice. The viewers respond to it, and after a certain length of time has passed, the most popular option comes in to impact radically the game.

Nondesript alright. Not like the character needs much of a
personality for this game, anyway.

In Choice Chamber, you follow Nondescript Unnamed Colorful Protagonist #274, as they go from room to room. Enemies pop up at random, kill them all, move to the next room. Collect special hearts, refill your health, learn to use your weapon. Every playthrough should be different! Just be sure to amass an audience that will make the game worth it. Would be a shame if you connected the game to your Twitch account and ended up voting by yourself on all the changes, by posting in your own chatroom…

Destroy the enemies! Your fans want you to!

How far can you go? How many rooms can you cross? How long can you last until you lose all of your hit points? Aim for a high “score”! (If you equate “score” to “number of rooms”…) New option: Do you want more normal enemies, more flying enemies, more large enemies? Do you want more hit points, more speed, more strength? Best case scenario, your viewers fight for the control of modules that will follow the character around and protect them from the monsters!

There’s even a multiplayer mode where you can race against another player to the top of a tower to climb, with the viewers’ choices still affecting the gameplay. All of a sudden, sticky platforms! Or maybe icy ones? No, wait! Bouncy ones! And this can lead to a fairly long race, too, with the length decided before the game starts.

Literally powerd by your fans. Or dictated by what your
viewers decide. Either way, no fans/viewers...
not much of a way to play.

All in all, it’s a pretty great concept; the game looks polished, pretty – I quite enjoy the art style – and has decent music. Unfortunately, it’s one of those games that is best played when you’ve got an audience. And not every Twitch streamer can brag about getting a large enough audience to make this game worth buying and playing. Oh, certainly, it’s fun if things work and you have anywhere from 5 to 80 people watching you and commenting – and the game will keep track of every response – but if you can barely get an audience of two or three people… well, good luck getting any enjoyment out of this game… Without interactions from viewers, the game is bland at best. If you are not a streamer – obviously, don’t buy it. If you are a streamer but you can’t get an audience worth it – again, don’t buy it. Only buy it if you can have at least some people contributing to the choices in the game. After all, this costs 10.99$, and it would be a shame if you bought it and ended up never using it…

Well, this covers all four games for this week. Be sure to tune in next Friday for a Top 12 list!

Rayman Origins (Part 2)

"Et-lat e-may out-way!" Yeah, if you want to understamd
most of anything said by the voice actors in this game, you
got to brush up on your pig latin skills.
Ouldn't-shay e-bat oo-tay ard-hay, o-nay?

I spent most of Part 1 explaining the various elements of Rayman Origins, like the levels, and everything the Electoons are used for… I guess everything else will be discovered as we go through the game’s plot! I only covered the first three worlds, so there’s got to be something more in the 8 remaining worlds, right?

Past Gourmand Land, we reach the Sea of Serendipity. Immediately, we’re shown a land of pirates, and we save another nymph who gives Rayman the power to dive! You heard that right, folks; at the start, Rayman couldn’t punch or fly, and he couldn’t even dive underwater. He had to learn these things by saving nymphs!

He's got a point there! Less bones to break!
Plus, Rayman has everything else that matters.
And I do mean everything else.

It’s almost silly that he had to re-learn many of these things, since Origins chronologically takes place between Rayman 2 and Rayman 3, at a time where Rayman probably had some of these abilities already. We also get to learn a couple things, especially through the Bubble Dreamer Polokus’s comments: Apparently Rayman has no limbs because the nymphs, who made him to be the protector of this realm, ran out of Lums and thus only made the important parts. Arms, legs? Who needs that, right? Also, who knew that Globox is supposed to be colored red like the other wizards we see from his species, but a weird berry he ate turned him blue?

Only the Rayman series can make that stuff up, folks! It's good to have that comical edge in the mythos.

The Sea of Serendipity has a very distinctive soundtrack – so far, we could hear the Lums singing in the music of the previous worlds, but this is where they become very clearly audible. Oh gee, I didn’t know Alvin and the Chipmunks had been reduced to singing on video game soundtracks. And is that someone drowning in the background of this track? Uh... let’s move on…

These sages should be happy. Yeah, their beards are tugged
in a pain beyond belief, but at least they're not on this
ultra-dangerous adventure.

Past this world is the Mystical Pique, a mountainous area that also houses a monastery, where several of Globox’s wizard fellows can be met. Believe it or not, they’re floating on air. And their beards can be used as vines to jump from platform to platform, too! Rayman’s world is the land of ultra-strong beards that never rip off. In the Mystical Pique, Rayman saves the fifth nymph, who teaches him how to run on walls! Hurray, now Rayman can replicate Sonic! And look at that Mario loser, only able to wall-jump… Rayman can do that AND run up walls too!

We>'re eventually gonna defeat that thing... we just need to stay alive and
stop fighting each other. Easier said than done.

Advantage of nymphs: They're all hot.
Disadvantage: They all have the exact same body type.

At the end of this world, Rayman defeats a golem and opens the next world… Moody Clouds? Actually no, as Rayman enters that world’s first level and finds the nymphs trying to open a portal to the Moody Clouds. There’s only one problem. The four sages of the lands are unresponsive, having morphed into giant unspeakable creatures - without their power to rely on, the portal stays closed. And thus Rayman needs to defeat them in order to access the Moody Clouds, where the true enemy lies.

On this, four new worlds open, each connected to one of the previous four worlds. This is also where the game stops holding back. You want it difficult? You’ll get it VERY difficult. This game has infinite lives, and you’ll need every single one of them. I swear I must have spent over a thousand lives in this game, possibly even more, I died so often.

That trailer's not even one hundredth of the ways to die.

The Jibberish Jungles open the way to the Ticklish Temples, you can access the Grumbling Grottos from the Desert of Didjiridoos, the Luscious Lakes are just across Gourmand Land, and the Sea of Serendipity hides the Angsty Abyss. Each one of them has a King of a realm of Rayman’s world, transformed and given a monstrous form by the mysterious mastermind behind this mess.

The Ticklish Temples house Daisy, the cute, flowery lord of the jungles. Only problem is, it’s been turned into… this:

Sheesh, is that what it looks like before putting on makeup in the morning?

And that is how a giant, threatening monster loses all
dignity.

The battle starts with Rayman fleeing from Daisy by taking altitude. Later he gets trapped in an enclosed space with the monstrous plant and must fight it. This is where I realized, during my playthrough, something that tends to be a recurring issue with ultra-difficult games like this. See, Daisy’s pattern never changes regardless of what Rayman does. First it yells, then it rams into the leftmost wall, and Rayman has to run up the wall on the left, jump to the ground, run up the wall on the right to smash the weak point appearing on Daisy’s forehead. Next it climbs on the ceiling and smashes its head on the exact same spots in the exact same order, then Rayman smashes the new weak point that appears on its ass. Then Daisy jumps forwards and backwards, always in the same manner, then attacks with its tongue and the last weak point is in its mouth. It’s always the exact same pattern regardless of what you do.

After realizing this with the boss fights, I realized the same happened in most of the later levels, especially the ones that had tons of obstacles always appearing in the same spots and using the same tricks. Beating every level in Rayman Origins for the first time is a grueling, difficult task - in the last 5 worlds especially. Beating them again becomes easier and easier as you learn the patterns. Then you will breeze through most of them. Enemies in games like New Super Mario Bros. Wii have enough programming leeway that they can still make the game difficult (as an example, Piranha Plants shoot towards Mario, not in a precise direction), but in platformers where the environment is the hero’s greatest enemy, and said environment always behaves the same way, the challenge gets diminished every time you beat one particular level and learn wat it does, and when it does it.

Well, that was a rant!

Here's a dragon stomach in serious need of TUMS.

When Daisy is defeated, it reverts to a tiny, cute form. Aww, adorable! That’s one saved King, time to go save the others. We face the Mocking Bird again at the end of the Grumbling Grottos. The Luscious Lakes end with a battle against a giant dragon – or, well, a fight against the weak spots in its belly, with accompanying rising and sinking lava and waves of freaking fire, because no matter where Rayman is, everything wants him dead. And of course, once it’s beaten, the battle isn’t over, then you have to make Rayman run out of its mouth. Again; patterns, learn them, because the obstacles are always in the exact same places. Then, we fight the final King in the Angsty Abyss, a tiny shrimp that became a giant dragon-like monster shrimp.

Allergics beware, this is a King Size Shrimp.

With all four Kings saved, the way to the tenth world, Moody Clouds, is open. What awaits for us in there is a land of clouds, of course, as the name indicates, but it’s combined with a factory-like place containing robots and giant deadly machinery. Then again, that’s fine, it’s just the 666^th deadly thing in this world.

Yup, definitely a fan of Mister Dark.
Just check those posters behind him.

Rayman runs through a few engine levels, and then we get a sequence of levels making up the “final dungeon”, if we can call it as such. In “The Reveal”, we arrive in the room where the true villain appears: It’s a Teensie known as The Magician. A big fan of Mr. Dark, apparently. May or may not have hatched this entire plan only because he was bullied at wizard school; the beta script for the game is kinda unclear. Why is it such a twist? Because the Magician... it's also this same guy, who followed you around to track your progress all this time, and was overjoyed at your successes in collecting Lums and Electoons.

Can you say "Traitor all along"? I mean, I knew something
was up once I realized he wasn't sincere when dry-humping
the big tube full of Lums.

Mechas of all the bosses so far?
Yeah, no... weonly have two.
Can you imagine the insane cost for parts and maintenance?

Not out of resources, the Magician sends Rayman down a floor trap, and the limbless wonder has to battle mechanical versions of Daisy and the Mocking Bird from earlier. With these beaten, Rayman runs back to the Magician’s room. Caught off-guard, the enemy drops his hat, realizes he’s cornered, starts bobbing his head, and then dances. Yup, dances. Much like how other Rayman enemies just break into a dance number when they’re beaten. So wait, since the Rabbids let Rayman join in their musical competitions so easily, does that mean they were always defeated from the get-go? I’m probably overthinking this. Rayman embarks on the dance number and has a fun time until the music ends… at which point the Magician flees. Oh, crap! He played us! But that’s alright, we can follow him.

Fleeing from deteriorating evil lairs is intense workout,
even for big-name video game heroes.

What follows is a sequence awfully similar to the Treasure Chest Chase levels, where the pattern of the level doesn’t change whatsoever, and Rayman isn’t allowed a single mistake as he runs, jumps and swings among the falling debris of the Magician’s Tower. It’s just as hard as the later treasure chest levels, too! You need ungodly precision to pull it off. Still, Rayman catches up with the Magician, who jumps into a flying boat to flee some more. Rayman gives chase on his trusty Moskito, shooting at flies and bombs on the way. Hey, are we ever gonna get to battle that damn Magician and his damn ship? Technically, we get to weaken it, but we can’t stop it.

Sun-shattering kaboom in 3... 2... 1...

It eventually reaches the end of its course… that is, breaking the glass around a miniature burning star in the deepest of the Moody Clouds factory… shattering it, destroying the entire goddarned factory in the process. All four playable characters (Rayman, Globox, any Teensies) fall from the sky… and land right in the spot they were in when they were loudly sleeping at the start of this entire mess, going back to their raplike slumber. Nobody knows if the Magician survives, and it seems that nobody cares. But wait, aren’t the inhabitants of the Land of the Livid Dead still angry?

AKA the land of Never-Catch-A-Break.

That’s okay. Beat the treasure chest chase level in every world, collect the 10 ruby Skull Teeth, bring them all back to the skeleton blocking the way to the Land of the Livid Dead, and then enter that level… which is, by far, the most brutal one in the game. It starts with a quick platformer section with attacking boney grannies, then  Rayman has to run and jump through a section that involves a giant skeleton spine speeding through. That part continues with a lot of high-flying, which would remind one of these chest-chasing sections… also, a lot of running upwards on falling platforms. Every single part of this requires precise timing. The next area? FIRE. FIRE EVERYWHERE. And you must carefully run across platforms, than navigate your downward flight to avoid streams of fire… but you can’t be too slow because there’s a goddamn spiky vine chasing you downwards!

Somewhere out there, Mario is watching with his mouth agape,
while Kaizo Mario brushes it off as "no big deal".

That's one Hell of a tough-looking boss.
What do you mean, it loses all of its eyes in one turn if
you're fast enough and then it just has one big weak spot?

Thankfully, the final room in this enormous level is just another boss. Big Mama, the “Mother of Nightmares”, awaits here, bathing in a pool of lava, staring at Rayman with her 15 eyes. Much like the level that preceded it, the fight against Big Mama is all about patterns and the player’s reaction speed. After Rayman runs a bit on Big Mama’s spiky arms, the weak point appears only for a half-second. Punching it which brings the hero close to her eyes – and you have to pop them all! Thankfully you have enough time to pop them all in a single turn, but if you must go through the sequence that precedes this, just know that it never really changes. Again – patterns. Popping all of the eyes triggers a second sequence of arm movements for Big Mama, then the weak point shows up again, and then you can pop the big weak point on Big Mama’s forehead, which transforms her back to her real form, from a gigantic monster to a… gothic nymph who actually looks pretty cool? She quips that this was a nightmare – oh, ha ha, I went through all that trouble and died 150 times in the Land of the Livid Dead alone just to hear that joke, totally worth it. And thus, with this, I can say we’ve seen everything the game had to offer.

This whole game is a nightmare... the first time you play, at least.
Nice hair bones, by the way.

…Oh, of course, you can now go hunt every last missing Electoon, as well as every medal (for collecting the maximum number of Lums in every level) and trophy (for beating the best time in every level). All for bragging rights, of course. And two extra playable characters with the remaining Electoons.

Quite a lot of levels to explore, spread across 10 worlds.
(Technically 11, if you count the Land of the Livid Dead)

So, my verdict of this game? It’s pretty damn awesome. Hard enough to make you pull your hairs out, but awesome. Seriously, this is hands-down the hardest platform game I’ve ever played – although its difficulty is greatly diminished after a first playthrough. As soon as you know the game by heart, it’s not much of a challenge anymore. You could say that it’s true of every game out there, but it’s particularly noticeable in Rayman Origins where the world itself wants to kill you, perhaps moreso than the enemies – but since the world’s behavior in a level hardly, if ever, changes, if you know what’s coming, you’ll never have any issue avoiding the various death traps. It’s different from other platform games where the enemies and their AI lead to risks of death as soon as their behavior is a little less predictable. The first time you’ll play this game, however, you will think of it as insanely difficult.

Multiplayer does make the Moskito sections easier.

What is really awesome, though, is the option to play with up to three friends. Michel Ancel took inspiration from other multiplayer platform games released around that time (such as New Super Mario Bros. Wii), implementing a similar system where characters who die reappear in bubbles and can be saved by other players. The creator of Rayman felt, however, that many of these recent games lacked a form of player rivalry; you could jump on other players, toss them around, but never actively harm them; thus, in Rayman Origins, he made it possible for players to smack around and punch each other, with actual life losses. As if the game wasn’t already hard enough! Still, I applaud the idea, I agree with Ancel that some games would have benefited from that little extra possibility for rivalry.

Gotta admit, this all looks really great.

The art is simply fantastic, the game is an absolute treat, a marvel for the eyes. Things couldn’t get prettier than that… well, until we get to Rayman Legends where they give 3D lighting to the 2D models to give an awesome style. The lands to explore are wonderful, helped by the ton of detail put in every environment. It’s especially great seeing as said environment tends to move a lot, making things even more interesting to look at. The music greatly complements this, even changing mid-level depending on the mood of the new area Rayman entered. They even manage to be funny with some of these tracks, adding elements that you might only notice when listening to the track alone!

16 playable characters, 246 Electoons to collect, eleven worlds, multiple challenges… Honestly, this game is awesome. You could buy it on Steam for 19.99$... Or, if you got lucky, you could have received the game for free through Ubisoft’s UPlay platform. In which case, play it! You will rage, you will swear, you will probably give up and then come back, and then you will enjoy it.

Next week… a surprise Steam Pack!

Rayman Origins (Part 1)

This game is insaaaaaaaane.

Like, really crazy.

Now that this is out of the way, welcome to my first review of a game I’ve played through Ubisoft’s UPlay service! There’s a lot of things we can say about Ubisoft these days, many of which are far from positive. But damn, do they still keep their high standards for their mascot’s franchise. There is no better proof for this than Rayman’s latest two platforming titles, Origins and Legends. After being tossed out of the limelight by the Rabbids for so long, it’s good to see Rayman going back to his roots.

Just look at how stylish this all is!
Oh, it's gonna be great! But will it be difficult?

In 2011, we got Rayman Origins, the first new Rayman platform game since 2005. Between 2005 and 2011, we’ve had mini-game collections with the Rabbids, a bunch of rereleases for Nintendo DS, some remakes here and there, and a karting game, but we needed a proper new platform game. Also, that last platform game in 2005? Rayman: Hoodlums’ Revenge, which I reviewed for this blog a loooong time ago. Huh. And of course, now that I’ve played Rayman Origins, I’ll probably have to play Rayman Legends at some point too! But I’m trailing off. Let’s talk about today’s game, Rayman Origins, which was released in 2011 for PlayStation 3, Wii and Xbox, and in 2012 for PS Vita, Windows, Nintendo 3DS and OS X.

Are the fairies ever explained to us?
Hm... I don't think there's much to explain.
They do love to all have the same physical pose, though.

Rayman Origins was thought up by Michel Ancel, creator of Rayman, with a very clear goal in mind: Tie up some loose ends of Rayman’s continuity, mostly by linking together the first and second game, and explaining a whole lot of story elements that weren’t touched upon. That’s not what happened, as in the end the elements did appear in the game but weren’t used to explain past elements or further the mythos. Many of the plans for this game’s plot were dropped, which is unfortunate. Thankfully, the original script was kept among the game’s files, so we have a bit of an idea of what’s going on.

Oh, and this game is also famous for mad platforming levels. The difficulty is off the charts, on the first time you play at least. Join me as I take a look at this game, its current plot, and the plot it was originally means to have. Let me tell you though, we have no time for sightseeing, this is going to be quite a ride.

The Chosen RPG (Part 2)

On the one hand, he's really lucky, he's going around with
three girls in skimpy outfits. On the other hand, they're in
a world where skimpy outfits are the DUMBEST
possible wear since there are monsters EVERYWHERE.

We’re continuing from Part 1 this analysis of what’s been done right in The Chosen RPG, as well as what wasn’t done right! When we left off, Edge (the, ugh, "Chosen") and his three female friends wearing nothing but skimpy outfits were out to retrieve legendary artefacts that are meant to permanently upgrade the mighty God’s Tear, AKA that sword made by the God of Order to stop Lord Akuma’s forces of evil.

I’ll do my best to avoid discussing the fact that this RPG is just the umpteenth story I see with a chosen one. It’s even in the damn title! But it’s like saying that a sheep is woolly. Sure, I said it and it’s true, now what do we do with that info? It’s not even subtle about it, but while it’s a clear part of the plot, I believe there are more important things to say about it.

Oh look, an ice building with rolling snow boulders!
Never seen that before!

So, we need to find the Snow Temple, located south of Elfbush Village. We can just go north and find it too… as the world map wraps around itself horizontally and vertically. Boy, what a small world. Granted, it gives the world a feel similar to the first Final Fantasy, where this was also done, and it’s a nice effect that can be done in RPG Maker. But it makes finding your way around a bit complicated, as there is no smaller map to figure out where to go. Missed a smaller island? Too bad!

We now reach the snowy island and enter its sole building, where we find a small community of people who escaped Lord Akuma’s prison. Of course, just because they have happily escaped doesn’t mean they’ll lend anything to you for free. Gotta fork over the cash for all of these armors, weapons and items! Then we enter the following dungeon, which sees the party going through the good old random puzzles. Yeah, playing around a dungeon, solving puzzles seemingly put there by a greater order, all to get one little item? Just pushing boxes around?

Ah, VGCats. Between the poorly-timed political jokes, blatant author
filibusters and that one outrageous coathanger abortion joke, Scott
Ramsoomair at least manages to point out the silliness of certain
video game conventions.

Ah yes, a maze of staircases. Never seen that before
either. I don't want to imagine the corridors
underneath...

Well… snowballs actually, but same difference. Then a maze of staircases, which feels like the teleporters from Pokémon – or maybe the staircases from StarTropics? Well, at least these two mazes award keys and special armor items, so it’s not all bad. Two Ice Keys collected, and the party enters the main room, where they battle an Ice Guardian. This victory gives them the God’s Wing. Now, all they need is the Holy Crystal.

Of note, as a programming quirk in The Chosen RPG, you can actually talk to and battle the Ice Guardian over and over again. That’s another thing to look out for when making your game; making sure that certain things won't trigger again when they should be done only once… But all that’s on my mind is how the three female party members must be freezing to death in their near-nudity in this environment. Trinity says that the Holy Crystal is in Rosefalcon Kingdom, where she comes from. Alright then, let’s go there. As we leave, we're accosted by the mysterious dark knight, so we have another boss fight with the guy.

That's Trinity's mom? She looks just like Trinity
in a dress. Might as well end up dating her instead
of her daughter, they look exactly the same.

He’s defeated, vanishes, and thus ends Chapter 2. The team goes to Rosefalcon, Trinity is welcomed as one of the greatest protectors of the place, and they head towards the castle. We enter the throne room, and when Trinity is revealed to be part of the royal family, we see that the Queen is basically Trinity in a dress. She doesn’t even look like a different character, doesn’t even look like she could be 18 to 25 years older than her daughter! Also note how Trinity’s sister has a bust appearing on-screen when she speaks, and miracle! She’s not in a bikini! …Nah, she’s in a leotard. The Queen says that Trinity and her team can only get the Holy Crystal if they can defeat Trinity’s sister Jen. Boss fight! And once that’s done, we move forward to get the Crystal. In the back room of the castle, upon touching the final artefact, the Angel Wing, the God’s Wing and the Holy Crystal merge on the God’s Tear to form the ultimate weapon of the game: The God’s Wrath.

They don't even bother to make the battler picture
look like Jen the character who appeared ON THE SCREEN
while talking!

Sure, let’s go with that, such a name can’t be as cliché as everything else in this damn story. Either way, it’s time to go out and beat up Lord Akuma! Thus ends Chapter 3 – well, that was a quick one.

There’s only one thing left to do, plot-wise. But no good RPG is complete without side-quests – and thus, what else is there to do in this game? Well, a fetch quest and bonus bosses. Standard fare.

-The fetch quest involves looking for six parchment papers hidden all over this world. They’re usually seen on the map, whether it’s on the ground, or on a table. Gotta look all over the place! Do you get a reward for bringing these parchments to someone? Actually, no. They just deliver tidbits of info about the game’s setting.

Finally a monster who might be the right size for this
battling format!

-The first bonus boss is a Cerberus. The three bonus bosses in this game were taken from the RPG Maker’s library of premade resources, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that these monsters have the stats they already had in the premade encounters that are available to everyone. The Cerberus lives on the second floor of a witch’s house, and when it’s defeated, the heroes gain the Magic Wand Azert, which is the best weapon that can be equipped to Myste.

-In the cave between the first island and the desert island, there was a dragon statue. If you have a certain key item, that dragon will awake and can be battled – and defeated, letting the party get its hands on Serenity’s best weapon, the Magic Claw Zephyrus.

Oh, it IS the most powerful monster in the world.
Not poweful enough to beat us though!

-There’s a challenge in Rosefalcon Kingdom where a house claims to contain the “most powerful monster in the world”. This one turns out to be the Demon God, who happens to be the most powerful of all premade enemies given stats when you start building something on RPG Maker. Final boss material, excellent bonus boss. It can nuke your party. It is, no joke, harder than the actual final boss. But train your heroes properly on that one island full of giant, tough monsters, and you’ll beat this one eventually. Thankfully, being set as a “contest battle” of sorts, the battle won’t kill your characters, merely leave them at 1 HP if you lose. When killed, the Demon God drops the Magic Sword Tyrfing, AKA the best weapon for Trinity.

With all that stuff equipped to the heroes, they can’t lose the final battle!

And thus we sail back to Lord Akuma’s dark fortress. On the way, it’s also possible to find a house where a witch will channel Edge’s mother through her bangle (remember that?), and that’s also where the Cerberus can be fought. The witch can even give the party the keys to her Airship, allowing the four to travel wherever they please. Reaching the fortress, we enter and can find a portal in a room leading towards another world. Gee, never seen that before.

Why, that just looks like a world where the designers forgot
to put on a floor!

You want to get in my way, lamia bitch?
I KILLED A DEMON GOD! TRY ME, 

There are powerful enemies in there, as is to be expected from the final dungeon, but the enemies are still giant in comparison to the hero sprites. Soon we get to a room with a locked door and one portal, with a little trial behind that portal. Each trial opens another portal towards a new trial, with a total of 4 "challenges" for the heroes. And, for a final dungeon, it’s simple but underwhelming. The first room is a simple “push stones” maze, one is a second maze of staircases. The third one is an incomprehensible quiz held by a… demon? In this final dungeon, you’re quizzed on the elements of the plot you’ve seen this far? Granted, the challenge is there, since it’s so hard to care about anything going on in this cliché story, but the advantage is that if you fail a question, you’re not booted out of that room and you can just pass the quiz over and over and over again until you beat it. The last one is a mix of portals and holes in walls. Too similar to those other challenges, but it’s something.

Can't I just kill you and skip the pop quiz?
Seriously, I couldn't be bothered to give a damn about
most of what happened in this game.

With all four challenges beaten, the middle door opens and the group enters Akuma’s throne room, only to meet Akuma himself and the mysterious dark knight. Honestly, it would be hilarious if his entire motivation for being a villain is because he’s fed up of seeing women walking around in lingerie and nothing else. But no, it’s generic “I want revenge because my father the God of Chaos was defeated and waaah waaah waaah”.

So, all this time I've been kicking my father's ass?
...He's gonna be so, so proud of me!

Akuma sends the dark knight at the heroes, and they battle him for a final time. If you got each party member’s ultimate weapon, this fight is surprisingly easy. When the dark knight is defeated, and possibly killed, the heroes ask him to drop his armor and helmet, and the guy does so… revealing himself to be Edge’s father.

Well, gee. Part of me wants to snark that I didn’t see that coming, although the intro of the game and the mentions of Edge’s dad hinted quite strongly at it. There was plenty of foreshadowing indeed. This game at least got that concept right, even if the twist is fairly obvious.

And thus, despite Edge’s dad risking death if Akuma is defeated… Edge takes on Akuma in a battle. This is the final battle, and Edge has the… well, edge of the fight. It kinda helps that he has three more characters in his party. It also helps if you overleveled on the isolated island. The party defeats Akuma and he vanishes, but then Edge’s father dies after sharing some final words with him. Good work, Edge. Then the place comes crashing down and the three girls flee before Edge. He leaves but gets trapped behind, while Trinity, Serenity and Myste are back in their world, just fine.

Nah, he dead.
Till the sequel, anyway.

And thus ends The Chosen, in a cliffhanger that gets resolved… in the sequel, which was released on Steam on March this year. And, great; that means that I’m gonna have to review that someday. So, this is all there was to say about this game…

By the end of the game, this screen of magic spells
that Myste can use is full. You have plenty of choice
to rain down blows on the enemies.

Yeah, it’s pretty bad. Not that it doesn’t have its merits, mind you; it makes good use of the RPG Maker’s map building, it utilises the status and element effectiveness charts (as in, to some enemies water will deal more damage than lightning, or lightning will deal more damage than fire, that sort of thing), and it has plenty of items, whether it’s healing items, armor, helmets, weapons and so on. Many key items, too, some which are important, some which aren’t. There was at least an attempt at making a complete story. It’s also pretty neat to have full busts of the characters showing up on-screen when they talk, though it was a double-edged sword in this case. The game is pretty well-balanced, with a decent difficulty progression, and its creator went the extra mile by including a searching side-quest (even if it gives nothing in return) and three bonus bosses – and while the side-quest offers nothing, the bonus bosses do give out three of the four best weapons in the game, so that’s pretty good.

They are facing the player and ignoring the characters!

However, the game also suffers from many issues: For starters, the game’s dialogue could have been spell-checked for errors and edited so that no part of text trails off out of text boxes. Then there’s the battles against enemies, which make no sense for the reasons explained last Friday: Due to the combination of battling sprites for the main characters and front-facing, large sprites for the enemies (as the regular RPG Maker system has battles in a First-Person P.O.V., hence the enemies are closer and are thus depicted as larger on the screen. The result is a clash between styles where the hero sprites are too small and the enemies are too big.

The main issue is probably the cliché story, which we’ve seen dozens of times. Gods of order and chaos in a constant struggle? A human descendant of a God causing havoc? A legendary sword that can defeat the evil? Collecting pieces to obtain something even stronger? Getting a team of allies? …Okay, that last one is kind of a requirement. The final level in a different, dark universe? A dark knight? A troubled hero with family secrets? Come on now.

For Christ's sake, if I want drawn porn of female
characters who never take off their underwear, I'll
go back and play Sexy Poker on my Wii again.

The worst part, though, is still the blatant, unnecessary fanservice. This is the only reason why the game has an age requirement on Steam: Half-nude busts of ladies. It adds nothing to the game, it’s just… there. As in, their state of dress is never alluded to, never referenced, there is nothing that ever justifies it or explains it. For some reason, three of the strongest ladies in that world just walk around in bras. That’s shameless. To make it worse, all the guys we see are in full body wear, especially Edge, the dark knight and Akuma, who wear FULL GODDAMN ARMORS, and even some other ladies in he story, like Trinity’s mother (who looks EXACTLY like Trinity) wearing a dress. Hell, even Trinity’s sister is better covered, wearing a leotard! I swear, this is terrible. I can usually give fanservice a pass, because it’s usually well-integrated in the story, but not in this case.

Look at that full body armor for Edge. If guys followed the
same fanservice rules, he's be in boxer shorts, fighting evil.

If I ever discuss this game again, it’ll be when I review the sequel, which I got as part of a bundle (so I paid very little for it). Judging by the user reviews and the screenshots in the trailer… yeah, it seems as though none of this game’s issues were resolved in the sequel.

Well, I’ll get there when I get there. Tune in this Friday for the next review, when I’ll be discussing the first free game I got from Ubisoft’s UPlay last year: Rayman Origins. See ya then!