No time to explain all the past parts, let’s jump into World 4 right now!
|Squirps will serve as your personal cannon.|
At the beginning of 4-2, after the group lands on a dwarf planet, Squirps shows signs of hurry. He has to go… to a porta-potty. Yes, they’re going there. Sadly, the potty is occupied. The dialog box makes it look like a Pixl is in there, but it refuses to go out and let Squirps in. Why? Because no toilet paper. And Squirps won’t move on until he’s relieved himself. So, believe it or not, 4-2 is a quest for toilet paper.
|That's when Mario finally had the realization that|
his daytime job was the grossest thing ever.
Alternate joke: The next sci-fi hit: Mars Needs Plumbers.
I'll go get some painkillers. My forehead hurts. I need to stop with the face-palms.
|He doesn't even have a goddamn ass to wipe!|
|Gee, I wonder why.|
|Look ma, no gravity!|
|For some reason, using Bowser in this battle against Luigi|
makes me feel bad. Enjoyably so.
|Despite having the highest HP in the game (255), this guy|
is extremely easy to defeat.
Anyway, Mario crosses the door and finds a large statue of an adult from Squirps’ species. Turns out Squirps is actually the Prince of his species and he had ben tasked with giving them the Pure Heart hidden in this “throne room” of sorts at the end of the Whoa Zone. Well, that explains why he’s so spoiled… So, Mario’s team gets the Pure Heart and ventures back to Flipside.
|Pissing off villains is what Mario and Luigi do best!|
Though, in this case, Luigi is with the bad guys...
Bad idea to piss off your new allies if they can kill you.
…loved a girl… What if… …Naaaaaaah.
Bleck mentions that the girl was destroyed (“killed” was too hardcore a word to use?) and cannot be retrieved, regardless of the universe. Why does this sound like Bleck is trying to destroy the multiverse… because of her? …Bleck leaves.
We cut to the dialog between Timpani and Blumiere again (I swear those names seem easier to decode than they appear), with the two deciding to run away to another world, where they can get married and be happy. Aw, that’s sweet…
Back in Flipside, Tippi seems jollier than before. Well, that is, until she faints in front of Mario, Peach, Bowser and Merlon. After they bring her back to Merlon’s place, Merlon explains that when he found Tippi, she wasn’t a Pixl; she was a human girl cursed to wander across dimensions. She was dying, so Merlon used the Ancients’ magic and revived her as a Pixl.
Tippi. Timppi… Timppaiii… a human girl... What if…
Anyway, the void grows larger, so Merlon sends Mario, Peach and Bowser back on their quest.
Makes me think that I should, too, pray to get help for my problem. Our Lord, whoever you are and whatever your name is, please help me. I promise to think twice before going crazy because of a game, I promise to be calmer. I promise to work on myself to avoid falling into the abyss of wrath… … … …Well, it doesn’t seem to work. Meh, I’ll probably have to apologize to everything I’ve been mean to. Come clean, to have a fresh start…
|A... church... Goddammit, religion!|
|It's time to destroy some natural creatures!|
...who somehow speak like they're 90s surfer dudes.
Mario chases the kidnappers across many portions of levels, and twice has to ask for passwords. The first one is short enough to be remembered. The second one is mind-numbingly, stupidly, inordinately, incredibly, and just plain dumbly long, so much that you CAN’T pass this part without paper and a pencil. No, seriously. It’s just three bloks and you need to hit them in this order: Middle, Right, Left, Left, Right, Middle, Right, Left, Right, Right, Middle, Right, Right, Left, Middle, Middle, Left, Left, Left, Right, Left, Left, Left, Middle, Middle. I suppose a 10-piece passcode, or even a 20-piece one, wasn’t impressive enough. The kicker? To get the code, you need to go back to the start of the freaking level. AND you have to say "please" multiple times to a Crag who won't give it to you as long as he's not satisfied. Woe on you if you forget this 25-piece passcode! URGH. Anyway, after this code, Mario finds a pipe that leads him towards the Star Block. Phew!
|Every time Cudge speaks, he sounds like he's had a few|
alcoholic drinks. He sounds like he's... hammered.
Ba-dum tish! No refunds!
|This speaks for itself.|
Though, not every side-character needs a catchphrase.
Worst. Idea. Ever.
5-4 is the Floro Sapiens’ Headquarters. This is gonna be yet another friggin’ maze. So tired of those… After much search, Mario’s team finds Dottie, a Pixl who gives its user the ability to shrink to use tiny doors and hallways. It (She?) was helping a Cragnon escape from the Floro Sapiens. However, she goes with Mario since, ya know, hero of prophecy and all that other crap.
|Um... Lettuce fight with you and maybe we'll reply.|
|That's King Croacus... a plant wearing makeup.|
But unlike the other Floro Sapiens, it doesn't
speak in an antiquated 90s surfer dude slang.
|Not cool, Mario! What would Captain Planet say?|
We cut to the villains’ headquarters, where a now thrice-defeated O’Chunks is singing a motivational tune Nastasia made him write, and now she’s forcing him to sing it a thousand times. I hope he sings better than I do. Mimi and Mr. L are ready to go in battle, but Nastasia tells them they should follow the Count’s orders and stay at the castle. After Nastasia leaves, Dimentio shows up and convinces Mimi and Mr. L to join him for an all-out strategic attack against the heroes!
We get another bit between Bleck-I mean, Blumiere, and Tippi-I mean, Timpani… they seem to be enjoying themselves, though Timpani appears to be cold…
On this, I think I should stop here for today. See ya in Part 5.