Missed Part 1? Go read it here!
|This boat just doesn't look safe.|
Okay, enough with the silly tangent.
|Truly a lair to inspire the greatest|
bastards in all of fiction.
|This place looks suspicious.|
"There is no reason to feel any suspicion."
As they enter the main room, our protagonists see that only three other Trainers fought the storm to get to the island. Our heroes are asked to release their Pokémon from their balls, and then the doors close in what is totally not some conspicuous CGI, I swear.
|He's standing in the light, that doesn't mean he's good.|
|Another little montage from a panning shot.|
Wow, this machine is creepy.
And oh yeah, just in case it wasn’t made clear that Mewtwo has gone bonkers, he has chosen to destroy the rest of the world with his storm, because why not? And of course, that includes all of the Pokémon. Urgh… This sounds totally like some insane megalomaniac’s plan to cause a genocide in order to make reality his idea of a perfect world, am I right? And as I’ve proven in a long piece of rambling, this plan will just lead to trouble.
When Ash and the other Trainers choose to do a Pokémon battle against Mewtwo, the Psychic Pokémon awakens his clones in the lower floor. The mighty Venusaur, Charizard and Blastoise come out of their stasis tubes and head to the main room. So wait, they were basically born in their final forms? Huh. What’s your next magic trick, Mewtwo? A baby Nidoqueen? (No, really. Google it.)
The clones show up in the main room, where Mewtwo explains that he cloned the final forms of the Kanto starters, and as a result, made them stronger than the originals. So, clones, huh?
…Yeah, that sums up my thoughts.
|On the other side of the stadium, the human Trainers|
and their Pokémon. But if I did montages for all the
panning shots in this film, I'd waste a whole day.
The fighting starts. Each Starter against its cloned equivalent! First is Venusaur, who gets the beating of its life. Then it’s Blastoise, who also gets defeated quick. Man, these Pokémon suck! They can dish out damage but they can’t take a hit! That’s ridiculous. Even Ash’s Charizard gets beaten up! Though, to be fair, he lasts longer than the other two… Claiming victory, Mewtwo unleashes black Pokéballs, which steal the losing starters from their human trainers.
I should just smack that Pokéball away and go “Nuh-uh! Don’t be a thief!” It works fine for the NPC Trainers in the games…
Ash tries to talk to Mewtwo, but he gets flung away like he’s nothing. Which… he kinda is. That’s when Mewtwo summons a whole lot of black, eyed Pokéballs that proceed to catch every other human-trained Pokémon in the room. As chaos reigns around the stadium, Ash shows some semblance of a brain and puts back two of his Pokémon inside their Pokéballs… but then some black Pokéballs come by and zap the regular Pokéballs inside themselves.
Allow me to repeat that: The black, eyed Pokéballs can catch regular Pokéballs.
Joke 1: Pokéballception.
Joke 2: Keep it up, Mewtwo, and you’ll have a neat collection of Russian Balls.
Joke 3: Can you also catch a Leaf Stone for me?
Joke 4: Well, it sure took a brass pair of Poké-balls to do that…
Joke 5: The Balls Have Eyes, the Pokémon version of The Hills Have Eyes.
Joke 6: I heard some gang in Orre was interested in developing something similar. Bullcrapballs. Oh, wait, I meant Snag Balls.
Now that the jokes are done, here’s the truth: This is excruciatingly stupid! And nonsensical! I… I just don’t know what to say. I have no comment on how stupid it is that flying, eyed balls can catch Pokémon even if they belong to another AND if they’re still in their Pokéballs! And if Mewtwo could do that, why did he allow the trainers to get their Pokémon out? The Kanto starters, I can understand, he wanted to prove that his clones were stronger. But the others?
Urgh, let’s move on before I get a headache. Pikachu is the last one to get caught, and Ash manages to follow the Pokéballs into a tunnel leading to the cloning room below.
|Willing to jump into danger to save his Pikachu!|
|I can't make a joke here. This shot is awesome. That is all.|
But of course, this moment has to be ruined when, after trying to get some reason into Mewtwo with words and failing, Ash tries another course of action. Let’s see if you know the character. What does Ash do?
A) He sends all of the original Pokémon at Mewtwo, hoping to overload him.
B) He tries to talk with Mewtwo again, and again, and does some actual effort to understand the psychic Pokémon’s wounded soul.
C) He invents the Dark type all by himself and beats Mewtwo, who cannot harm Pokémon of that type.
D) He rams into Mewtwo, fist first.
If you answered D, congratulations! You’re probably as embarrassed as I am.
For trying to get into good ol’ fisticuffs with Mewtwo, Ash gets thrown way high, on a statue above the battlefield. Silly Ash, Fighting-type attacks do little against Psychic-type Pokémon! But our hero is saved in the nick of time by a pink bubble. That’s Mew, coming to save the day! If this keeps up, Ash will have a Pokédex detailing all the species that saved him from mortal danger, rather than a Pokédex detailing all the Pokémon he caught. And Mew sure seems to find this whole thing funny. Some could make the argument that Mew is sort of an airhead. I’d rather say that he’s like a very young child, with a short attention span. But since Mewtwo is a Pokémon of a lot of words, and Mew can only go “Mioooo”, there’s not much in there for a serious discussion about nature versus nurture, so Mewtwo decides to skip directly to the battle.
The battle isn’t long, and it seems that Mewtwo is winning, until Mew finally deals him some heavy damage. But instead of resuming the fight, Mew decides to weigh in on the question, and thanks to Meowth, we find out what he’s saying: that the true strength of Pokémon doesn’t reside in their power, but in their heart. With a viewpoint like this, it’s kinda hard to root for Mewtwo. And yet, in the original Japanese dub, Mew had a much more divisive idea: That the clones, by virtue of being born in an unnatural way, were the lesser ones and, thus, that they should totally lose in the ensuing fight to the death between each original Pokémon and its clone counterpart. Yes, a fight to the death. Mew was alright with the idea of killing the clones. When every other battle in the Pokémon universe just had the vanquished Pokémon faint. That’s reaching a whole new level of violence.
Mewtwo decides he has heard enough, so he blocks all of the Pokémon’s special abilities and declares the mass fight between the originals and their clones… begun!
And that’s where I have to end for today. See you in Part 3 this Friday!