Hello
again, and welcome back to my biggest review ever! If you think I'm
done, you're sadly mistaken. If you hate Yu-Gi-Oh, you're in trouble,
because I'm gonna spend this part and another one STILL talking about
this. If you love to hate the series, though (or just find it very enjoyable to riff on), then you should be happy that I'm making fun of it...
right?
Okay,
enough chatter, I got Ghouls to kill- No? Then, beat up? No? Punch on
the nose? Still not? ...Okay, alright! Defeat in a card game...
Alright, I understood! God damn it! I still think everything in this
series would be solved a lot faster if a weapon entered the equation.
"Oh noes! You used Lame Concept! I lost the duel and my social life!" |
So...
When we left off last time, we had news that Joey (the normal guy who
relies way too much on luck; it's turned against him on a few
occasions) and Téa (the moral support who does very little aside
from being the cute token girl and talk about friendship) have gone missing. Like that was not
enough, Ghouls have chased away most duelists, even most of the
rather good ones. You know, just saying it out loud, I realize how
utterly ridiculous this sounds: An evil organization using a children
card game to achieve world domination. Eh... I'll roll with it
because it's faithful to the original manga...
Okay,
so first Nikorasu goes around Times Rectangle (Seriously, will anyone
tell our character what time it is? The clock in the center is too
blurry because of the GBA graphics!). He duels one in the
Roba brothers' alley and one in Bonz's Graveyard. Each time one is
defeated, a “Ding!” sound is heard. So, basically, the game
counts the number of Ghouls you've defeated, because you really have
to defeat every single one of them. What's Yugi doing during that
time? ...No idea. It's like he vanishes off the face of Domino City
until you defeat most Ghouls. So, afterward there's a Ghoul in
front of the museum, replacing the guards who were there originally.
There's also a few Ghouls at the Aquarium and near the river where
the Funky Mime was defeated. Then there's three regular Ghouls in the Park.
Luckily you never duel 5 at the same time. Yugi does, though. |
Hey... weren't you dead? |
When
Nikorasu sees Weevil Underwood again, the loser-I mean, the poor guy
is being bullied by Bandit Keith, inexplicably a member of the Ghouls
now. In the original manga series,
after losing to Joey in the finale of Duelist Kingdom, Pegasus turned
Keith's hand into a gun and made him shoot himself, if I'm not
mistaken... In the freaking HEAD. How's he still alive now? What the
Hell is wrong with you, story? What drugs are you on, plot? Is that a 4Kids-induced stupidity? Anyway, as the self-insert Gary Stu
protagonist, you have to defeat Bandit Keith. … Holy wow, what a
cool name. I'm totally naming my next Pokémon rival Keith. I call
dibs on that. Once he's defeated, Keith says that Marik is way
stronger than Pegasus, and therefore no one stands a chance against
him. Then, the bad guy returns... TO AMERICA!
...I
hope.
Hellllllooooo nur- Um, forget what I was about to say. |
So,
Nikorasu goes back to Yugi's Game Shop, where Yugi is waiting. With
Mai Valentine, the busty French bab- er, woman, who's clearly wasting her life
in card games. She could be a supermodel. A
businesswoman. Or both at once, she's smart and beautiful enough for
both. But no. Card games. Anyway, Mai tells the player character and
Yugi that Kaiba has implanted tracking devices on all Duel Disks so
that duelists can be found easily. You know, because anyone bearing a
Duel Disk on his arm seems easy to kidnap.
So,
after that point, Yugi decides to follow you around, since the two of
you have to find Kaiba. However, Yugi is following the orange cap boy
a... little too closely. As in, he'll literally follow every of the
character's movements. Hey, there's absolutely NO need for more yaoi
fanfiction fuel in this series! However, if you know where to go,
Yugi won't follow Nikorasu for very long. First the two head to Kaiba
Corp, where the guard can tell them where Mokuba is; Kaiba's brother
knows where the duelist is. But where's Mokuba?
STOP FOLLOWING MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! On Twitter it's fine, BUT NOT IN PERSON! |
You
can look around all the places you've visited before, and Yugi will
ALWAYS follow you; like he has a hand on your character's shoulder to
make sure you do not escape him. Just putting this here as a
preemptive measure: Writing tip number 3, if a canon character falls
for your original character, then your character is a Mary Sue or a
Gar Stu. It's extremely difficult to write
good and/or believable romance (insert your own paranormal romance or fetish story
punchline here). In the world of fanfiction, sadly, nothing ever gets
destroyed as much as “canon pairings”. Established couples are
broken for the sake of a quick fanfic, and sometimes it's a shame
because the resulting story is simply horrible. It's worse when
the canon character falls for an Original Character, and it gets even worse when that character is a Mary Sue (you know, better than
everyone, even better than the heroes). This should not happen.
Or
Yugi is staying close to Nikorasu because he doesn't want to lose him
in the (barely) crowded locations. Wait, is there a reason why Yugi
follows the player character, anyway? Well... Luckily, yes, there is.
There's gonna be a double duel soon. If you know the series, you know
what I'm talking about, and you know where Mokuba is: The arcade!
...No,
Mokuba isn't there to play games. He's being bullied by two adults,
one noticeably shorter than the other. Both have the Ghoul robes and
both wear a mask that covers only half their faces (which begs the
question how the Hell do they stay in place). Yugi and Nikorasu
interfere, and the two Ghouls turn around and recognize the heroes.
Next, as far as I know, all four are standing on a glass rooftop with
bombs that will set off and destroy the glass under those whose HP
fall to 0. Once again, card games become overly dramatic for the sake
of keeping the audience on its toes, even though the premise is so
comically dumb.
Yes, those two actually team up once. Glad I'm not making that up. It was awesome on so many levels. |
Now,
in the original series, Yugi and Kaiba had to team up to defeat Lumis (Light Mask) and Umbra (Dark Mask). They used prety damn strong decks and the two
great duelists almost lost to them. However, they were beaten because
Yugi and Kaiba worked together, even if it was for a
short time. I can't wait to see how they implement a double battle in
this game, with its rather sucky representation of the original game!
...They
don't? I should have seen that coming. Screw you, game! Anyway, what
happens is that when the four are about to duel, Yugi asks the player
character which one he wants to duel. You pick either Lumis or Umbra, and then the duels begin. Yugi will inevitably win his
duel. As for Nikorasu... well, I hope you got a good deck.
"Obey my Rod... Wait, that came out wrong." |
Anyway,
once the two are defeated, Lumis gets possessed by the main
villain, Marik, who tells them that he has taken control of Joey and
Téa. Once that body possession is over, the two Ghouls faint. Yugi
and Nikorasu ask Mokuba where Kaiba might be... and the kid replies
that Kaiba is at the Museum.
So,
the two protagonists (yes, Yugi is STILL following Nikorasu too
closely for comfort) head to the Museum, where Kaiba has been
conveniently waiting for them outside. So they ask for the location
of Joey, since he's got a Duel Disk... and thus they spot him at the
Pier. This is it, the most emotionally-charged duel of the entire
series, the one everyone remembers because it's one of the scariest
moments in the franchise! You know what I'm talking about, right?
Right?
No?
Where were you all this time?
However,
when Yugi and the player character arrive at the Pier, they're
blocked by a horde of Ghouls... and Bandit Keith. You again, dammit?
Yes, and he's stronger than before. Yugi defeats all the other Ghouls
while you defeat the (too) proud American. Go back TO AMERICA, now,
and STAY THERE!
"Scuse me, I just wanted to show ya my bandana again." |
Say something... please... Speak... Snap out of his control... |
Alright,
so Nikorasu and Yugi move to the end of the pier, where a Joey possessed
by Marik is waiting for Yugi. Téa is there as well, as ante; if any trick is tried by the heroes, she'll gulp down a capsule of poison. Oh, did I mention that Joey and
Yugi duel attached to chains, which are themselves attached to an
anchor? The victor gains access to his key, detach his handcuff and live, while the
other goes down? ...Yeah. The preceding attempts at being “dangerous”
from Marik seemed just silly, what with circular saws, and glass
ceilings rigged to break... This time, it's god damn serious.
Technically, it's a no-win situation for the heroes as whoever wins,
the other dies drowned. The manga managed to bypass that rule as Yugi
decided to sacrifice himself for his friend, therefore losing and
plunging down. However, Joey fights Marik's possession away, and back
to normal, he cheats and asks for Yugi's remaining monster to attack
him so his Life Points reach 0 as well, an act that gives him access to Yugi's key, which means he saves both
himself and his friend.
Here,
we got a Gary Stu in the equation, How will it go? This kind of
angers me, so it's in Caps Lock. Sorry in advance. YUGI STILL LOSES TO
JOEY, BUT JOEY DID NOT RECOVER FROM HIS POSSESSION. YUGI GOES DOWN,
BUT ORANGE CAP BOY, THE PROTAGONIST, GOES TO SAVE HIM (of course,
somehow managing to save him from the handcuff attached to the anchor
WITHOUT HAVING THE FUCKING KEY – by the way, I should also mention
that you have the option of not saving Yugi, in which case everyone
around tells YOU to go and save him. Except Joey). THE PROTAGONIST
AND YUGI COME OUT OF THE WATER, BUT JOEY STILL HASN'T RECOVERED, SO
THE PROTAGONIST DUELS HIM AND WINS, RETURNING JOEY TO NORMAL. WHAT
THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL DUEL, IN WHICH FRIENDSHIP SAVED THE
DAY? Yeah, forget about that. Now everything revolves around your
character. That's a big wall banger for me, a moment that I just
cannot forgive from the creators of the game. Yeah, I get it, they
wanted the Orange Cap Boy to defeat Joey, but god damn it, this
creates plot holes big enough to destroy the entire Yu-Gi-Oh
universe.
Writing
tip #4. If your original character saves a main character, it can be
fine. But it has to make sense, dammit! If it doesn't, your
character's Mary Sue levels skyrocket. As it happens here! Crap! Screw you, plot! Screw you, story! GO TO HELL, ORANGE CAP BOY! DIE IN A FIRE!
So,
the threat of the Ghouls has been taken care of, we won't see any of
them ever again. That's good, I guess... I mean, there's still Marik,
but we'll worry about that later. Now that Joey and Téa are back to
normal, and Yugi, Nikorasu and Joey have six Locator Cards, it's time
to find out where the finale is! They do so (in a process that still
seems way too farfetched for me) and head to the place of the
finale... An open-ceiling hangar with a large blimp in it.
"Duel me and you'll get the God card." "Hand it to me already, I'm a god damn Gary Stu." |
Oh,
but wait. Before that, there's another important thing to do.
Nikorasu goes to the Museum, where Isis Ishtar, the pretty but
serious priestess who also happens to be Marik's sister, has been
waiting. She tells Nikorasu to enter the Museum, and shows him a
giant stone with carvings representing the three God cards. She says
she has one of those cards in her possession, and will give it to you
only if you defeat her. So, the protagonist does, but afterward
she says that another person wants the God Card: Kaiba. So you have
to duel Kaiba. Uh oh... he isn't Yugi's rival for no reason, you
know. His deck in this game is extremely strong, even though it would suck by that
time's standards (blame the bad gameplay for that).
So,
Nikorasu defeats FRIGGIN' KAIBA, mister “screw the rules, I have
money” himself, who has so far been defeated only by a select few
(Yugi and Pegasus, just so you know). Therefore, the protagonist
inherits Obelisk the Tormentor. Awesome, the first God card! I can't
wait to get and try out the other two!
Finally,
Nikorasu is ready for the finale. So, he heads to the hangar. Kaiba
welcomes the eight winning duelists: himself, Nikorasu, Yugi, Joey,
Mai Valentine, Bakura – really? – , Namu, and the last one to get
there is a dark-skinned guy with a tattoo on a side of his face. The guy claims to be Marik...
He looks too normal to be a Yu-Gi-Oh! villain, methinks... But he says he's Marik, so... |
To
be concluded... This Monday! Hell yes, it's almost over! Tune in next
time for the epic finale!
(By the way, for this part I've used a lot of pictures coming from this written Let's Play. It's as funny as this review, and it shows every part of the game. Credit goes to "Let's Play Archive" user Missile Waster for those pictures. Enjoy that second read!)
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