Well, it's a good thing this alien tech is very easy to use, even by humans! |
Thankfully, by a crazy twist of circumstance, the
Dinaurian guards we encounter all think we’re just Dinaurians who forgot to
turn off their holographic human disguises. The two heroes were near the teleportation
field, so they quickly go back to Earth. If we want to sneak aboard, we’ll need
an actual disguise… and because this is a land of weirdness, a mere mask will
apparently do the trick. No fake tail, no body paint, naw… Just a mask. Dr.
Diggins suggests we ask Saurhead, the other Master Fighter, for two of his
many dinosaur head masks. However, as you can guess, he’s not gonna hand them over without a fight.
A fight? Five fights, to be exact! One team for each Vivosaur element. He’s difficult, but not impossible. As a reward, he takes off his
own mask, revealing what’s beneath: …Another mask. Oh, he Kakashi’d us! And he
does it again to give us a second mask, revealing that he
wears many, many masks at the same time. I may rage at many plot elements, but
a lot of character-based jokes and twists can be pretty funny, I’ll give this
game credit where it's deserved.
Yup, he made it huge and clunky. And stationary. |
Look, that’s a perfectly devilish plan, but I have bad
memories of a villain’s plan involving de-evolution…
AAAAAAAAH! NO! KILL IT WITH FIRE! I don’t want to remember this thing
from that movie!
A serious discussion is going on between aliens. And we're totally not subtle in the corner over there. |
Flashback time! |
Glad to see that plot-relevant fossils are in red. Useful color-coding. |
We get the five pieces, one in each of the main dig
sites, but once we’re back we learn from Duna that one is still missing. That
last piece will be found on the Secret Island, which only a select few have had
access to. It’s where the Dinaurian ship crashed, long ago, causing the idols
to be lost around the island in the first place. As it also turns out, most of
the fossil revival technology was created from tech found in said ship. We head
there with Duna and inspect the place. This is where we properly hear about
what destroyed the Dinaurians’ original planet.
"We're talking about a monster so large, your little imaginary Kaiju would run away in fear like a vegan flees from a steak." |
Imagine, if you will, if Galactus had a pet that looks
like an eel, and it loved munching on planets just as much as its owner. "Sit, puppy 'nash! Sit! No! Don't eat that sphere-shaped
moon-sized vessel, it's poison!" Now imagine if the pet was larger and actually ate Galactus so it could
freely go and eat anything it wanted to, without any way to be reasoned with.
Doesn’t sound so funny now, does it? That’s the monster known as Guhnash. There’s no way that thing will ever pop up in the story, that would
be too crazy.
Quick read, and the ending is too easy to guess. 1/10. |
Sure, we severely weakened the opponent dinosaur, but they severely weakened us too. 77%? To accuracy? |
Our hero wins, of course, but Raptin refuses to listen
to anything Duna has to say about preserving mankind. Yeah, we’re intelligent
lifeforms too! Less advanced maybe, but intelligent still! We are bringing back
the dinosaurs as fucking awesome combat machines, aren’t you impressed?
No, you think? Gee, I would have never guessed by this point! |
He gives us the last idol piece, and we bring it back
to the lab under Richmond’s building. Richmond is acting weird, though. Once we
assemble the idol, the real Richmond shows up and it turns out we had been
talking to King Dynal in a holographic disguise. Dynal flees with the idol and
teleports to his ship, and we follow him through the teleporter in the Fossil
Center.
Thanks, descriptive text, for telling me why Dynal is badass. I sure needed that... |
Dynal seems to resign himself to seeking another
planet on which to live, until the hero suggests Dinaurians could just stay on
Earth. Hey, why not? That might take some getting used to, on both sides, but
an alliance with an alien species would be fantastic! See, that’s the thing
they glossed over in Pixels. Aliens don’t have to be depicted as an all-evil kind. They are varied in personality, like humans, and cohabitation is
possible. Or, at least, in my stupidly idealistic mind, it would be.
"The worlds could be one together, cosmos without hatred, Stars like diamonds in your eyes..." Oh crap, I just remembered what that song was really about. Oops. |
If we're primitive beasts, you're an advanced moronic bigot, Raptin. |
Sadly, it’s not over – the main idolcomp has still
decided to destroy humanity, but it has only one way to do so; Send signals
into space… where they were received by Guhnash. Holy damn, THAT’S the final
boss? That planet-sized monster? On the one hand, that’s epic. On the other,
what the Hell?
Just in case you don't think it looks that impressive... Remember, its head is bigger than Planet Earth. |
Three giant brains and it still doesn't have enough cells to rub together to figure out that what it's ding is wrong. Let's teach it some manners. |
Rosie and Duna rise, however, and offer themselves as
helpers in this final battle. However, the hero can bring only one ally in with
him through the teleporter, so he has to pick between them. The ending will
differ slightly depending on who you choose. Man, it’s like solving the love
triangle! Will you go for the human or the alien?
A surprising number of people would pick the alien.
Oh, and there’s no hurry. The plot says there’s a
hurry, but you have all the time in the world to prepare. Go dig out more
fossils if you want. Take a nap. Gather all the fossilized droppings and bring
them to Nick Nack. Find new areas, complete your Vivosaur-Dex!
They are the literal brains behind the operation. Gotta kill them all. And then add them to our Dex! |
If you overtrained your team all the way to Level 12,
something that is perfectly possible through the Story Mode, this battle with
the brains is a breeze. They’re only Level 8. If you have vivosaurs that
greatly change stats, like Compso, then it’s even easier. Their most annoying
move is them randomly shifting around the positions of vivosaurs on your side,
which is awful if they set your weak Support vivosaur in the Attack zone and
shove another one in the Escape Zone, preventing you from switching out your
weak vivosaur.
With the brains dead, Guhnash is somehow going to
explode, because that also makes sense. Plus, somehow the cosmic energy blocks
the teleporter, so they need to use the special device in order to go into
stone sleep, to be retrieved by the Dinaurians, wherever the Hell they are in
space. The hero and the chosen girl hold hands and the device is activated, and
they are blasted in space by the explosion.
If you picked Rosie: The Hero soon wakes from stone sleep, alone, with Rosie nowhere to be found. Or rather, she was revived, but… there was a glitch and
she lost her memories. Visiting her confirms that, yes, she’s got amnesia.
However, and this is the game ending either on another awesome Chekov’s Gun or
the silliest thing ever, the Digadig Chief shows up, and the hero cures her
with the mighty Digadig hip shake. Makes complete sense! AND IT WORKS! She retrieves her memories!
What is it, Rosie? This isn't a battle for your affections, it's a decision towards the saving of humanity from a giant monster! |
If you picked Duna, well, first Rosie is jealous.
Second, the escape from Guhnash goes the same way, with the hero waking from
stone sleep. This time, however, the Fossil Center was unable to revive Duna,
and she’s still stuck as a stone, with the Dinaurians planning to leave the
planet in order to find a cure for her. We go see her in the park, and once
again, the Digadig Chief shows up, and says that the Digadig hip shake can free
her from stone sleep. And you know how it goes: IT WORKS! And so the Dinaurians stay on Earth,
in both endings.
So twerking can save lives. Who knew? I expected Dynal's jaw to drop to the ground in surprised shock, but apparently the game with magic twerking that does anything and poop collectors has more class than that. Really, I expected something along those lines:
So twerking can save lives. Who knew? I expected Dynal's jaw to drop to the ground in surprised shock, but apparently the game with magic twerking that does anything and poop collectors has more class than that. Really, I expected something along those lines:
Before you go and say I took that art, no, I actually got it during a free raffle art stream from artist ZachSeligson. You can view his art here, and also here, and also here. |
And so the game ends on this note, credits rolling. We
get funny scenes from the various characters, among others Diggins who now
prefers to keep his Stone Age suit instead of going back to a lab coat. And of
course, after the credits, the hero hooks up with the girl who joined him into
the final battle.
In Part 5, I’ll discuss the various post-gameside-quests, and give my final verdict of the game.
Kinda glad the story’s over. There was so much to talk
about.
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