To The Audience

You know what?

I'd love to dis on each and every single one of you, members of the audience, for liking this stupid blog, but I desperately want followers.

But I'm not doing this.

So I guess I'm gonna spare you humans.

For the moment, anyway.

It may be better that way, after all.

I've got the smarts to make you cry.

I know exactly what to say to send you into a rage.

Pull parts from your life to take you to despair.

I'm talented this way.

On a battle of wits, no one defeats Dimentio Nicolas.

It is simply impossible.
So stop reading this site.
It's not worth it.

Only do so if you want to join the latest hip cult:

Dimentio's Bringers of Doom!

No entrance fee, we won't suck the money out of your pockets.

We will, however, reign over everything!

Manipulate everyone, defeat dissidents!

And take control of all the worlds!

Praise the Lord Dimentio, for he shall end all!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, fuck it. This has never been Nicolas.

This has always been Dimentio posting, since the end of that thing he called a review.

But you had probably guessed. You're not all idiots. And I wasn't very subtle...

Whatever.

Tomorrow begins the first part of my plan.

About The Author

It's me, Nicolas something-something... oh, Hamel, I remember. Yes, I'm SMRT.

I am an overweight, often clean-chaved, often bearded, glasses-wearing reviewer on the Internet who screams a lot for no good reason and who gets mad at the drop of a hat. I still live in my parents' house and I like to sing over the music I listen to, even if my singing is as terrible as a cow regurgitating a few balls of hay and a pitchfork over an orchestra composed of drunken musicians playing free jazz. I can't even write all my english porperly. See? I'm still making speling mistakes!

I'm especially terrible when trying to discuss the brilliance of certain visionary characters. Then again, I claim I can analyze things, but in the end I'm just providing pointless commentary. And those Top 12 lists. I guess 10 wasn't enough? Man, I'm such a geek. When I'm not looking up some totally gross stuff on the Internet, I like to go on online forums and whine a lot. Why do I stay in that Channel Awesome forum anyway. I have no freaking idea.

I haven't even put any security on this site! Interdimensional conquerors can access it easily!

Praise the Lord Dimentio, for he shall end all.

And I am an idiot.

Site Redesign

You may have noticed a slight redesign of the site. Yes, that mix of deep purple and dark blue,

that was hurting my artistic sensibility. See this excellent combination.

Isn't this better? Isn't this much more enjoyable

for your human eyes? And this background picture now,

don't you think it gives great personality to this website?

I truly appreciate this redesign. Do not expect to see it change anytime soon.

As long as Nicolas is prevented from getting his account back-

Oh, what am I saying, I am Nicolas,

and not some interdimensional invader

somewhat shaped like a jester. 

Now, go back to doing your human things.

Nothing to see here.

Oh, and praise the Lord Dimentio, for he shall end all.

Super Paper Mario (Part 6)

Super Paper Mario review

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8

Cut out that angelic choir! NOW!

I hate Messiah references. Not because it’s a throwback to religion; I’m a non-practicing catholic who has learned his church words very well, and I acknowledge that religion, while flawed and frequently used for awful purposes, can also be of great help in times of turmoil. I hate Messiah references because we see it everywhere. Superman is all about the trope, and it’s been made obvious almost to the point of insult in Man Of Steel. Never mind the fact that Superman caused a whole lot of damage… It’s been done in so many places, too: The Matrix, Star Wars, Frozen, Harry Potter, Mass Effect, Aang in Avatar: The Last Airbender… It was even mocked in South Park. And now we’re getting it here. I’m just tired of Messiahs, of prophecies, of "Chosen Ones", of saviors, all those plot devices… But I’ve given myself the mission to complete this review, and complete it I will! Nothing will stop me!

Nasties! Stop attacking the angels, you boneys!

When we left at the end of Part 5, Mario’s team, full again, had reached the Overthere. Sadly, it appears something is wrong. The Nimbis, residents of this cloudy land, are under attack by skeleton-like creatures, the Skellobits! Heaven’s under attack! …Mirroring the part of the Bible about the apocalypse. See? See what I mean? Anyway, in order to save Grambi, they need to rebuild the rainbow bridge. But for this, they need three stones, each one in possession of a sage in the Overthere. So the group has to rescue three Nimbis, get their stones, and build the bridge. A long quest, sure, but nowhere as annoying a quest as 7-3 was.

Super Paper Mario (Part 5)

Super Paper Mario review

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8

So, Mario’s team finds a pillar in Flopside and places the sixth Pure Heart. Only two to go! The group opens the way to the sixth world, Sammer’s Kingdom! Nolrem warns the heroes, however: In Sammer’s Kingdom, they must defeat 100 opponents, and only then will they get the next Pure Heart. The Sammers are a test of strength.

One big, happy, giant messed-up family.
Yup, the legend says they're all brothers.

That's a big Sammer, but he's nowhere as big as that Void
in the background and this sword of Damocles over
their heads. Let me pass, damnit!

The group goes in World 6 and sees that the Void is HUGE here. This dimension is closer to destruction than all of the others. And Mario still has to defeat them all? Nonsense! Their world is at stake, they shouldn’t be wasting the hero’s time! Still the Sammer King insists on following the protocol (stupid by-the-book people! Can’t they be more like cowboy cops sometimes?), and thus Mario has to fight through 100 gates, 100 Sammer Guys, 100 opponents with crazy names referring to the Mario series, like Jade Blooper. Mario’s group starts fighting.