Top 12 Worst Video Game Marketing Campaigns (Part 2)

If you missed it, you can read Part 1 here.

Continuing last Friday’s article with Part 2, covering the cream of the crap – the worst marketing campaigns and stunts done to advertise video games. Little time to waste, let’s jump into it right away.

Be warned, however, that I will be discussing some serious topics, and some pictures will be unsettling.

6. Assassinate your friends (on Facebook) thanks to Hitman

Depending on the game, nuns or an all-male party might
be involved.

Square-Enix’s Hitman series kinda advertises in its name exactly what you can expect it to be about. You’re a Hitman, you kill people. Okay, so how do we market this, in a first-person shooter scene that’s already saturated with “you’re contracted to kill people” types? Well, a way was found… and since it’s on this list, you can imagine it wasn't great.

For Hitman: Absolution, released on November 20th, 2012, the advertising department thought to involve Facebook, already a red flag. An app was created, titled “Hire Hitman”. People who joined the app could “order a hit” on a Facebook friend, choosing among a list of gnarly flaws of all kinds before picking a reason to have that friend killed. The app would then post a video to that friend’s Facebook page, including all of the chosen details said by a voiceover, and even the friend’s profile picture. The video would only be viewable by that friend, so no harm no foul, right?

Take a moment to read the list... *sigh*

Wrong. 2012 is the year where cyberbullying on social media became a major topic on the news. Media had covered several instances of teenagers taking their own lives due to cyberbullying, including the heart-breaking story of Amanda Todd in October of the same year. This gag had to make things worse with its list of “flaws”, which included common bullying or sexist comments like “strange odour”, “small tits”, “big guts”, “small penis”… What’s more, whereas gamers were likely to use the app, they were just as likely to order the “hit” on someone who’s not a gamer and would therefore not know what this insulting video they just received is about. The app was up for only an hour before it was unceremoniously pulled, with the idea buried right afterwards. Bad timing? Doesn’t matter, it would have been tasteless regardless of the time of release.

5. Shop at Wesker & Son

Needless to say, while fans of the series enjoyed the contest
of finding body parts, those unaware of the franchise might
not have appreciated those body parts lying around London.

I could dedicate an entire article to ad campaigns made to promote the Resident Evil games. From showing a bathtub filled with blood in a children’s magazine (and, later, an entire pool), to a video showing a baby being breast-fed by a zombie for RE4, to scattering fake human body parts around London for fans to find for a contest around the release of RE5…

Oh, and they basically did that “Hire Hitman” thing first when they were promoting Resident Evil: Outbreak, set for release on March 31st, 2004 in North America. On a dedicated website, one could input the mobile phone number of a friend, and that friend would then receive a text notification basically saying “You’ve caught the T-Virus!” For those unaware, the T-Virus is the disease in the RE universe that causes zombification. Again: Might have worked if the person getting the message knew the franchise. But those who didn’t… well, let’s just say they either panicked over being told they had contracted a disease they had never heard of, or went to tech support help desks with the serious worry that their mobile had caught a computer virus or been hacked into.

But nothing tops what they did for RE6. First was an elaborate sequence of fake murder scenes in front of media offices in London, followed by fake autopsy reports, followed by boards and press packs further hinting that these grisly displays were promotion for a Resident Evil title. This culminated in the opening, on September 28th-29th of 2012, of the Wesker & Son Human Butchery.

The shop was technically more akin to a horror house,
meant to be scary but in an entertaining way.

Yeah, if you have no idea about what this is
supposed to promote, then this is a horrifying
butchery-themed haunted house ride.

Set in the Smithfield Market of East London, the shop featured various cuts of animal meat deliberately reshaped by food artists to resemble human body parts. Hands, torsos, feet, legs, genitalia, you name it. Unfortunately, the illusion was so successful that the sudden "horror house"-style display turned stomachs and curious visitors had to be reassured that this was not, in fact, human meat. Never mind the market’s regular visitors who had no idea that this was meant to promote a horror/shooter video game. In all fairness to the shop, all proceeds from the sale of these cuts would be given to the Limbless Association, a non-profit organization helping amputees in the UK. It’s a little on-the-nose, no pun intended. The marketing made a mark for sure; but did it have to go that far?

For the record, neither Wesker nor his son are cannibals in RE6, so it wouldn’t even make sense in-universe.

4. Billboard space on gravestones

We’re not done with Acclaim! This particular case might not be the most extreme (encouraging speeding fills that spot in my opinion) but it’s their most (in)famous marketing screw-up. Let’s go back to March 2002, same year as the Turok AND Burnout stunts. I don’t know what Acclaim’s marketing department was smoking at the time, but I don’t want any.

Who would see this and go "I miss
Charles so much... oooh, a new
game is out? Awesome!"?

At the time, the task was to promote Shadow Man: 2econd Coming (a very stupid way to number a sequel, if you ask me). The idea likely happened in part to homage the franchise’s running theme of a world of the dead. The campaign was simple, if tasteless: We’ll pay the mourning relatives of people who are recently deceased in exchange for a little bit of permanent billboard space on their loved one’s tombstone. Funerals are expensive, after all, and that little extra could help. To add insult to injury, the press release implied that this offer would be particularly interesting to “poorer families”. Classy.

The Church of England refused to comply with the pitch: There is no way they would turn their graveyards into ad spaces. "There was enough fuss with plastic flowers in churchyards." Such a move would also require the prior planning permission from local governments as well. As far as I can tell, nobody ever took the studio up on that offer.

Fun fact: The company's name is Acclaim only
because they wanted to be seen before Activision
alphabetically on a directory of game studios.

At the time, Acclaim Entertainment’s head of PR Andrew Bloch tried to justify not only this move, but also every other: Due to the lower quality of the games and the smaller audience compared to larger established studios such as Electronic Arts or Activision, there was a need to create a burst of interest through word-of-mouth. The ideas were relatively cheap to set up and would get some buzz going. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, am I right? Well, Acclaim’s stunts regularly make it onto “worst video game marketing” lists long after they went out of business (on September 1st, 2004), so I hope they enjoy their afterlife of infamy.

3. God of War’s Greek goat party

Before Kratos took a chill pill and God of War was retooled into the much-acclaimed Dad of Boi Norse Mythology simulator, the franchise used to be quite the violent, sexual and edgy affair. Justifiable, it was based on Greek Mythology, and that stuff could get nasty fast. I doubt this justifies the lengths this campaign went to, however.

The game was God of War II, the year was 2007, and the month was April. It takes place during an event held in Athens, Greece, befitting the game’s setting. Throw in a bit of decadence, as some reports indicate that topless women at the event fed grapes to guests. Not bad enough? Let’s have an honest-to-Zeus goat sacrifice as part of the event. That will get people talking.

And indeed they talked. Sensationalist British tabloid The Daily Mail took the story and ran with it, inventing a whole lot of bullshit that’s become meddled with the facts. I’ll try to set the record straight. Was a goat “sacrificed”? Not in front of guests; an already-decapitated goat WAS wheeled into the party, though. Were guests invited to reach into the warm innards and eat the raw offal? No! Nor were they encouraged to eat a meal right out of the organs; actually, they were served in china bowls a traditional Greek meat soup made by caterers for the event; the meat wasn't from the goat. As for the topless grape-feeding women? It sounds too improbable to be true, but it’s been reported by more reputable news outlets, so it seems legit. And the goat? It was sent to a butcher immediately after the display. Props to them for the reality show-style challenges cooked up for the journalists, and props to the actor going around the party dressed as Kratos and handing out garlands. There was even a video of the event.

Low quality, because the video on Dailymotion
was posted 15 years ago.

So, as bad as it was reported? Hell no. But still daring, perhaps far too much so. Animal rights activists decried the stunt, and shortly afterwards Sony admitted that this was in poor taste and that this “fell below the high standards of conduct [they] set [them]selves”.

2. The Dante’s Inferno fake protest at E3

Despite the omnipresence of Acclaim throughout this list, only one game has the dubious honor of appearing on it twice, and it’s Dante’s Inferno. I already discussed the series of promotions inspired by the seven deadly sins in Part 1, but it gets worse. The hyperactive marketing department behind the game went as far as to create fake companies (Hawk Panther, claiming to help one steal their best friend’s girlfriend before condemning them to Hell for Envy) or fake games (such as Mass: We Pray, "trailer" above, allowing players to partake in religious ceremonies, only to condemn them for Heresy) to drill in the theme.

At least they've done their homework about Dante's Inferno.
Heresy really IS the sixth circle of Hell.

Never saw any of those protests when lootboxes came around.

Whoever thought of all of these flooded the market with these stunts, annoying everyone; and though it’s not the last, the most reviled one happened at E3 2009, held on June 2nd to 4th. E3 is no stranger to gaming stunts and promotions, it’s an event meant for those, but there’s always the one group that decides to push its luck. The guerilla marketing agency hired for the stunt brought about 13 people outside of E3, protesting with signs decrying the existence of such a sinful video game. As you can imagine, the signs and slogans veered heavily on the stereotype of the fun-hating Christian fundamentalists, with pearls such as “Just Say Infer-NO” or various threats of going to Hell for playing it. They even handed out flyers with links to web pages designed to promote Dante’s Inferno as much as they were condemning it, in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

Look at that, they almost look like they believe it.

At first, a lot of games journalists were fooled, reporting the protest as real; but EA spokeswoman Tammy Schachter confirmed that this was a stunt. Journalists weren’t pleased. Moderate Christians, who accept gaming as a form of media, also were outraged by the stereotyping. Ironically, this might well have annoyed Christians who could have been interested in a playable version of the Divine Comedy; who better could we think of as a target demographic? Lastly, as I mentioned, this was the umpteenth stunt for this one game, so I assume many were sick of these trickeries. This may not be the worst marketing stunt, but it left a terrible long-lasting impression.

Before moving on to #1, here’s a few…

(Dis)Honorable mentions:

That time the Xbox One was revealed at E3 and the presentation focused solely on the console’s capabilities, nothing about the video games, and the infamous "always-on DRM";

That time the marketing team behind Dead Space 2 showed images of the gory game to mothers, using their shocked reactions for a “Your mom hates this game” spot;

That time the Nokia N-Gage marketing used scantily-clad women to promote the system, which flopped;

That time John Romero, during marketing of his new title Daikatana, swore to “make you his bitch” (his words, not mine);

The many times SEGA used sexual humor to advertise its systems and games within the pages of Viz during the 90’s;

And that time Evony took “sex sells” to new heights and, in lieu of screenshots or gameplay, used pictures of sexy women in Internet ads to promote their garbage empire-building free-to-play game.

1. The PlayStation Portable White Edition

This could have been done without racism. And yet.

The PlayStation Portable has had a rocky history with promotion. On launch, billboards and posters came out with red text on white backgrounds. One, posted on the side of metro tracks opposite to the station, said “Take a running jump here”; to the casual observer who wouldn’t notice the PSP logo at the bottom, it was a jokey invitation to suicide. Other ads in the campaign were either raunchy or inappropriate. The intention was to imply games on the PSP could take you to new worlds and it had extra functions, such as file storage (photos and videos). One notable ad, saying “Your girlfriend’s white bits here”, referred to how one could, as an example, store their significant other’s nudes on the console.

Then it was time to announce a new model to replace the classic, black-colored original model: A white edition. Surely there was a right way to promote this, right? No confrontation between the two, just encourage players to get the white edition and they’ll have as much fun as those with the black edition do… maybe have two actors, one Black and one white, playing together in complete comradery…

YIKES.

…Oh.

…OOOH.

Yeah, no, they went for the absolute worst thing they could ever do. Literally the white woman grabbing the Black woman at the jaw.

It's a nice-looking portable console! Why risk
people avoiding it out of spite due to marketing?

There’s one thing I need to explain about marketing campaigns: Barring exceptions, they are scrutinized on all levels of an enterprise, to ensure they don’t make the company look bad or open them up to lawsuits. Things can be muddled if ad agencies get involved, but in general, lots of eyes should have run over the project before it’s finalized. For both campaigns around the PSP, ad agency TBWA was hired; considering the controversy they caused over “Take a running jump”, we ought to wonder why they were re-hired for “White is coming”. Someone, at some point in the making of this campaign, should have stood up and gone “This looks racist and everyone will be mad at us”. That didn’t happen.

And don’t serve me that “It was a different time” crap, it was 2006 and everyone should have known better. During photo shoot, several pictures were taken for this billboard, all emphasizing contrast between black and white, some of which put the two women at a more equal balance of power; so why go for the one image that looks like a white supremacy manifesto in picture form? The billboard, which was first put up in Holland in the Netherlands, quickly led to mass online outrage. Sony went into damage control, first defending their photo shoot, only to withdraw the entire campaign shortly afterwards.

Sounds like it doesn't really matter which picture they chose
for the billboard, this was gonna be blasted regardless.

Definitely the worst marketing idea that’s ever come out of the world of video games; don’t worry, there’s been lots of similarly terrible moves while attempting to promote other products or events (You can probably name a few!), but that’s a rabbit hole I’m not going into. This list was enough for me.

Our regularly-scheduled program will resume soon.

Top 12 Worst Video Game Marketing Campaigns (Part 1)

Marketing is one of the most interesting forms of communication. Advertising a product to a market, usually through a great display of creativity. Some events are entirely dedicated to marketing and advertising; in video games, think of the yearly E3 convention. Some people might watch the Super Bowl for the football match, but several just want to see what agencies have come up with to occupy the year’s most expensive ad breaks.

Taking a stroll down the rabbit hole of terrible
advertising campaigns is equal parts
fascinating and disheartening.

I have a bachelor’s degree in social communications, so I have touched upon marketing alongside journalism, media, public relations and crisis management. I was more interested in journalism, but marketing has a charm to it. Find the best way to get your message across and convince people to buy your product or your service. Aim for your target audience, be inventive, appeal to the mass. Think of something with the same tone as what you’re advertising.

When it comes to video games? Your target audience is either kids or teens of all stripes, from well-behaved to edgy, so you can go just about any way with the tone. Throughout the history of video games, we’ve had consoles that were considered more for kids (such as Nintendo), consoles more for teens (PlayStation) if not outright grown-ups (Xbox), and anything in-between. Titles ranging from the innocent and sweet (Animal Crossing, Mario) all the way to GTA, Postal or Saints Row. Some consoles aimed for a specific tone in their advertising; as an example, SEGA kept advertising itself with dirty jokes for a while, especially during its console rivalry with Nintendo.

Hey, remember that time
Nintendo basically had a whole
movie made just to promote
their dumb Power Glove?
...It's so bad.

Obviously, with more than 40 years of video games behind us, there’s been ad campaigns that we remember for the worst possible reasons. Too edgy, went too far, caused legitimate damage… Let’s make it clear: However insane the next points sound, these all happened. Being on this list doesn’t mean that the marketing campaign was unsuccessful; only that it went too far and/or was received harshly for it. But I am getting ahead of myself. We're counting down.

Fair warning, a lot of these entries discuss heavy topics and may include horrific imagery.

12. Name your baby Turok or Dovahkiin, win stupid prizes

A Jurassic Era FPS? ...Sure, I guess.

Not sure what the connection is between naming
your baby Turok and the Dinosaur Times from
the game...

Acclaim is a studio you’ll read about often on this list, as they are infamous for creating some of the most insane marketing stunts for their games. This first example, when compared to their other shenanigans, is tame. In 2002, Acclaim (also known for the Mortal Kombat series) created a campaign for their then-upcoming Turok: Evolution, the latest installment in their Turok series. They came up with a rather peculiar contest: New parents with children expected on September 1st, day of the game’s release, name your baby Turok for 10,000$!

The contest mentioned making the name official for only one year, and the prize money would only be won by the first baby registered for the contest (on the official Turok website) to be born on that day. To encourage participation, the campaign involved average people (actually actors) claiming they had legally changed their name to Turok for the occasion (they hadn’t). As far as I can tell, nobody was fooled, nor did anyone "win".

For some reason, nine years later, Bethesda had the exact same idea to celebrate the release of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Name your kid born on November 11th 2011 Dovahkiin and gain free download codes for every Bethesda game past, present and future. This time, one mother did actually participate and win. Be a big enough name, and silly ideas that don't work for smaller companies might work for you...

As far as my research can tell, the name stuck and the baby
is now a kid who'll turn 11 in about two weeks.
Happy birthday, Dovahkiin Tom Kellermeyer!

11. Homefront’s red balloons in the bay

A game with political commentary?
Oh boy, I can't wait! /s

Sure, it's pretty. But...

Upgrading from a dumb contest to an ecological disaster. In 2011, publisher THQ wanted to promote the latest shooter developed by Kaos Studios, titled Homefront, about a weakened America invaded by North Korea. At that year’s Game Developers’ Conference in San Francisco, THQ staged a rally meant to “decry the North Korean regime and the treatment of its citizens”. The stunt ended with the release of ten thousand red balloons, all branded “GameStop”, into the air.

However, what goes up comes down, and as they deflated, the thousands of balloons landed in the San Francisco Bay, littering the water with plastic. The balloons even had additional ads for Homefront pre-order bonuses attached to them. Attacked on social media on all fronts for their participation to the stunt, GameStop released a press statement indicating that the company had no prior knowledge of the action, and blamed THQ. On their end, the publisher’s PR team claimed that the balloons were biodegradable, so no actual environemntal harm.

...after that, you have to clean up.

As further punishment, the California Department of Fish and Game indicated that THQ could be prosecuted over the act, as littering  any sort of waste into the waters is unlawful per the California Fish and Game Code, section 5652. In response to that, THQ responded saying they hired a cleanup crew to remove the excess red plastic from the Bay.

They should have stuck to the other stunt they did during the event, offering free Korean meals from a food truck with Homefront written on it. Still, that’s not as bad as…

10. Ubisoft’s fake terrorism causes real terror - TWICE

At least the balloons were unlikely to kill anyone. After 2001, if the crux of your marketing involves staging a fake shooting or terrorist attack, you shouldn’t have to be told that it’s a really fucking bad idea. And yet!

AKA Just Another Shooter.

Hi, Ubisoft. Very smart of you to take a rather direct method to promote the then-latest Splinter Cell, subtitled Conviction, set for release in April of 2010. On the 16th of that month, an actor dressed as the main character of the game (articles mention bandages on the man’s hands) arrived to the Degree Bar in Auckland, New Zealand, and pointed a firearm towards the people present outside. Police were quickly called to the scene, and officers did not realize the weapon was fake until they took it from the actor’s hands. Ubisoft’s NZ marketing partner Monaco Corporation said it had hired a different firm for the event, and did not know that a firearm, however fake, was to be involved.

This legitimately could have ended with a real tragedy; someone panicking in the crowd, or the cops fatally shooting the actor. In our days where mass shootings are terrifyingly common in the United States, this stunt rings even stupider than it did at the time. (Yeah, that was in New Zealand, not in the U.S.; but such an idea is inexcusable no matter the place.) But the sad part is: It’s not their last act of fake terrorism.

A mysterious box is shipped to your job and it starts beeping.
How the Hell would you react?

This time promoting the upcoming Watch Dogs released on May 27th, 2014, the company sent to several gaming journalism offices black safes with numpads and messages telling the recipients to check their voicemail. Fine, right? Wrong. One was shipped to a reporter working for Ninemsn, an Australian news website. The reporter did not have voicemail, and Ninemsn doesn’t cover video game news. After trying the code taped to the box on the numpad, the journalists heard the package start beeping. Bomb squad was called. The media office did assume it was some sort of PR stunt, but preferred to be cautious. Inside the safe? A copy of the game, some goodies, and a request to embargo until 5 PM.

Of all the stunts on this list, these are among those that piss me off the most…

9. Normalizing sexual misconduct at Comic-Con

…but this one also pisses me off, to no end.

Dante’s Inferno is a semi-forgotten 2009 title developed by Visceral Games and published by EA. The marketing around the game sought to evoke the deadly sins in every way possible, from incurring Wrath from games journalists by encouraging them to smash a box that Rickrolls them, to baiting them with 200$ checks for Greed… Okay, but what would they do for Lust, then?

I couldn't find any images from the contest, therefore here's
a random online screenshot of the game. Out of respect, I'm
also not gonna post any pictures of "booth babes", either.

Simple: Set up a booth at San Diego Comic-Con and encourage congoers to commit “acts of lust” towards the models working at the booth… or any other booth at the event, whose "booth babes" weren't exactly made aware of in advance. Participants then had to post the pictures to social media and/or e-mail them to EA. Now, the creators of the contest clarified they merely meant taking pictures, not actually lusty ones, with the models, and judges even reserved the right to refuse any submissions that were “inappropriate”. But try explaining that to the guys who only read the title and not the fine print. Worse even, the contest’s grand prize further encouraged the potential for sexual misconduct, as it was stated to be "dinner and a sinful night with two hot girls, a limo service, paparazzi and a chest full of booty” (their words, not mine).

Encouraging sexual assault, promising sex, treating women like objects: Yeah, this gross and sexist contest checked every box of the Lust Sin Bingo. This was a terrible idea that should have never happened, and I fully endorse EA getting blasted (…in general, but also) for this boneheaded move. Women at conventions already have to deal with enough bullcrap without adding this to the list.

8. The SEGA Saturn’s surprise launch

The oldest screw-up on the list, and one of the most infamous “corporate Darwin Awards”; where a company does something stupid that tanks them, usually in a way they can’t recover from. This one has more to do with the business side of things, but is frequently cited as one of the reasons SEGA left the console market.

Tom Kalinske, whom (as interviews indicate)
in spite of this unfortunate turn of events, still
loves SEGA dearly.

The very first edition of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, took place from May 11th to 13th, 1995. We’ve seen our fair share of both incredible and disastrous E3 presentations in the 27 years since, but the event had to start somewhere, and boy did it start with a bang. SEGA was competing with a new rival, Sony’s PlayStation; their new consoles, the Saturn and the PS1 respectively, had already been released on the Japanese market, leaving them to see who would conquer North America. There was a lot on the shoulders of then-SEGA of America president Tom Kalinske. On the 11th, he walked onto the stage and made a shocking announcement: The Saturn, whose release date was originally set for September 2nd of that year, was now being released this very same day, with 30,000 copies shipped to many retailers. Kalinske then revealed the price of the console, with which was included a copy of Virtua Fighter: 399$ USD.

Then, it was time for Sony’s presentation. Olaf Olafsson, the head of Sony Computer Entertainment America, handed the microphone to head of development Steve Race, who said only one word before leaving the stage, "299$”, to roaring applause. That wasn’t a burn; that was a tactical nuke.

Despite releasing four months later on September 9th in America, the PlayStation easily defeated its competitor. The Saturn’s launch was plagued by issues: Not only were many stores unprepared for the surprise, but some retailers who hadn’t been included in the surprise were angered; one of them, KB Toys, swore to never sell SEGA consoles again. There were too few launch partners and too few copies for the demand. Very few games were available on the new release date, with the selection of titles remaining bare for a long time.

Yeah, that sounds about right for a corporate Darwin Award.

7. We’ll pay your speeding ticket!

We started this part with Acclaim, we’re closing it with Acclaim. And that time, they pissed off a government.

In early October 2002, the studio was preparing for the release of Burnout 2: Point of Impact, a racing game developed by Criterion Games. The idea: What if you’re in such a hurry to acquire the game that you won’t even respect road laws, and, say, get a speeding ticket because of that reckless driving? Don’t worry, Acclaim will pay it for you! Or at least, that’s what they pretended. Also, y’know, to avoid any legal headaches of paying the speeding tickets of gamers in other countries, the offer was limited to residents of the United Kingdom.

No game is worth speeding, getting a ticket,
or risking death or an accident for.

I don’t know what’s with all these marketing stunts that encourage terrible behavior in people (see the earlier point about sexual misconduct). As you can imagine, this didn’t fly with the UK government of the time. Reckless driving can lead to much worse than just speeding tickets; property damage, accidents, deaths, to name a few. So yeah, UK officials gave the publisher a piece of their mind in the local media. Facing backlash from people far more important than the average moral guardians, Acclaim quietly ended that particular promotion. Hope you weren’t speeding in the UK in early October 2002 hoping to have that ticket paid for you, because it’s not happening.

Well, this was pretty long… well, I will have to split this list into two parts. Tune in Monday for Part 2, covering points 6 to 1. If you can believe it, they’re even more insane than the ones listed here.

Quick Review: Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion

This veggie went to Yoshi’s school of crime.

Turnip Boy: "I wonder if I can rip a mustache."

Developed by Snoozy Kazoo, published by Graffiti Games and released on April 22nd, 2021, Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is… not about the act itself, but its repercussions. Now in trouble with Mayor Onion, little Turnip Boy is being blocked entry to his Greenhouse, and must therefore fulfill Onion’s requests to be allowed back in. This will take the little rutabaga all over the little world of the living veggies and fruits, and might even lead him to unveil its great secrets…

Wham! Take this, snail who didn't do anything
bad to me!

This game is a short Legend of Zelda-like, if that can be described as a genre; it has the same hallmarks of entering dungeons, finding equipment and using it to solve puzzles, completing side-quests or finding collectibles. Move around with the arrows, dash forward (read: trip) with Z, use an item with X, hold C to open the menu to switch between items you can equip (or press A or S to freely swap between them at will). You quickly find a sword that you can use to attack, though other items include a watering can (useful for plants that are yet to grow) or… OK, that’s just a Portal Gun from Portal.

No setting aside or dropping.
Turnip Boy can only rip.

The main quest is pretty straightforward as you complete four missions for Mayor Onion, but you can also fulfill the requests of the other plant-people; rescuing their pets, finding an item they need, etc. Most importantly, Turnip Boy is an utter anarchist with a compulsion to rip apart every single piece of paper that might hint at the existence of a government. That side-quest involves reading and ripping up every single piece of paper you find. Next, you can equip all sorts of hats, most of which are obtained through quicker side-quests. Lastly, in true LoZ fashion, you can find extra hearts to increase your maximum health up to a maximum of 12 hearts.

You can't carry bombs, but there are plants you
can water that become bombs that you can
then toss at stuff.

The game even comes with a guide that opens once you beat the final boss once, hinting at any hats or papers you may have missed, in order to help you achieve 100% completion; in particular, finding and ripping every paper unlocks the true final boss.

See them? Blue portal, yellow portal.
I told you, that a big ol' Portal reference here.

Short, sweet, adorable, funny and with a pretty manageable difficulty, this game is really good. The music is pretty great, the graphics are nice (sorta-16bit most of the time, with fully-animated chatting scenes and pre-boss sequences). The tone goes for something that’s equal parts referential to other works and acknowledging the silliness of the setting, by breaking the fourth wall as an example. The story starts out basic, but definitely takes some interesting turns, not that I plan to spoil any of them. …Okay, fine, just one thing. Gangsters get involved.

Of course there's a creepy graveyard with
pumpkins nearby. There had to be.

Dungeons! Secrets! Side-Quests! Crimes!
Bunkers! This game has it all! ...wait.

Gameplay is pretty good; sure, it’s a watered-down version of a Legend of Zelda, but it’s still good enough for the short length of the game (which you can finish in 2-3 hours). A couple of interesting puzzles involving all of your skills; as an example, creating portals then kicking a bomb plant through them to destroy rocks, the like. And like I said, the difficulty isn’t too high, so it’s a fairly leisurely title. Also included is a basic roguelike bonus challenge, unlocked in postgame, which does have harder challenges in store for anyone interested. So yeah, this one’s good, I recommend it! (Also, a sequel where Turnip Boy robs a bank is in the works!)

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is available on Steam for 14.99$ USD.

Quick Review: TOEM

There’s one game I have been itching to talk about all year, but it was at the end of the set of Quick Reviews. Now is the time!

A creation of Something We Made released on September 17th, 2021, TOEM is a hand-drawn, black and white photography game. You control an unnamed child embarking on a quest to see the titular TOEM, which is at the end of a road trip full of photography quests. That’s about all there is to it, really; no world-destroying threats, no dangerous enemies, nothing of the sort. Just photos, exploration, and puzzles.

Playing hide and seek, I have found a scout!

You start at home, and are informed of this world's system: As a child, you can ride the bus for free, but the attendant will ask you to collect a number of stamps in an area in order to earn the free bus ride to the next area. A stamp is gained by completing a quest: Taking photos for someone, showing pictures you’ve taken, going around the map and looking for things to snap that others might not see. You’ll eventually gain a few tools to aid on your quest, such as a tripod, which you can set and move away in order to take a picture of something that hides from your sight, or a honk, which can make some animals run away or cause effects. You’ll also gather items of clothing, some of which will see use in some scenarios (like a scuba helmet to go underwater, or a scarf to stay warm in the cold).

That's sweet, I'm collecting those!

Don't mind me, with my umbrella open
in sunny weather.

Aside from the main 65 quests of the base game, there are additional challenges to look for: Taking a picture of every animal to fill a compendium, with 54 in the base game; look for every single secret; unlock all of the achievements; get every song for your portable player, the Hikelady; or take perfect portraits of the people you’ve helped. The game is somewhat short if you only aim to reach the end and see the titular TOEM, but a handful of quests can be a fair bit longer. That said, most puzzles aren’t too difficult, aside from the occasional tricky wording turning them into riddles.

Every area also has a major landmark!

Even crossing the street feels relaxing
in this place!

All this, served in a lovely style. I already mentioned the hand-drawn, black and white look of the game? Well, add to this a Paper Mario feel: All of the characters and most decorative elements are in 2D while most 3D elements are basic, like cubes. The end result is great and befitting the child-friendly tone and comedy throughout. The writing is great, and contributes to making this a great game for kids, but enjoyable for all ages. I really enjoyed my time in it, taking photos of all kinds of stuff, or with various characters. The camera can be used in selfie mode and you can even include effects or filters. 

"Look ma, I'm gonna be a yeti!"
I like having this tripod. It's very useful!

Woo, free vacation!

It’s one of the most adorable and charming games I have ever played, and its casual, no-pressure feel coupled with its style, writing, and difficulty makes it one of the most relaxing titles I’ve covered this year. It feels good to have games like this, you know what I mean? Further proving that TOEM was a labor of love, the development team at Something We Made released an additional chapter on September 16th 2022, entirely for free, taking place at an island resort. The chapter is accessible after seeing TOEM, and packs an extra 20 missions to complete, using new mechanics such as a day/night cycle, the ability to throw water balloons, longer quests, and more.

Memories to be held on forever.

But what or who is TOEM? Ah, you’ll have to find out on your own. Seriously, this game is worth your money, it’s a great experience.

TOEM is available on Steam for 19.99$ USD.