Watch me on Twitch!

Streaming whenever I can.
(Sorry, that's the reality of working at night. Subscribe to my channel to get notifications!)

July 7, 2014

VGFlicks: Gamer (Part 2)

I recommend you read Part 1 here if you want to understand this page.

I don't want to review this movie anymore... Please... have pity... I thought about it during the weekend and it's even worse than I thought...

...On the other hand, I did find more reasons why this movie is awful, and since the key to my happiness is to be done with this film as soon as possible, I'd better hurry and finish this review... The faster it's done the better I'll feel. Or else... Oh, my God...

Ack! Hackman: Scary scary scary human being!
So, where we we last time... Oh yeah, Tillman/Kable, Society, Hackman, Humanz, Simon, nanites, Castle, Slayers... This plot continues as Tillman, better known by the screen name Kable and played by Simon Silverton in Slayers, is in his twenty-ninth match. Simon has downloaded a mode by the Humanz group of hackers that lets him speak to Kable while playing. I just realized the large number of names in this paragraph... Anyway, Tillman finds that Simon has few back thoughts about the killing of the other prisoners considering they were all on death row anyway. Kable attempts to go beyond the war zone's limits, which is forbidden by the game.... and moments later encounters Hackman, who's every word as amazingly dangerous, psychotic and sadistic as this description lets out. Simon realizes he and Kable are screwed, since Hackman isn't controlled by anyone. Tillman understands that someone, somewhere, sent that guy to kill him. I don't want to spoil here, but it's obviously Ken Castle, the maker of Society and Slayers, and- Damn, I'm still going on with the dozens of names. I'll just say that Kable eventually makes it out safely and wins his twenty-ninth match.

Meanwhile, Tillman's wife Angie Roth is trying to reclaim her daughter, who has been adopted by a rich family after Tillman was sent to prison for first-degree murder. The agent is clearly looking down on her, because of her monetary problems and her job in Society, ha! Clearly she does not have the skills to raise a child! Oh no, she doesn't have the skills, but abusive rich parents have all the skills! Understand me here, just in case my sarcasm wasn't obvious enough, skills = money. Among the loads of awful people in this, I want to kill that agent now, above everyone else. He represents everything that is wrong with the mentality in this film! ...But Angie seems like the most decent human being in this movie so far... is that it? Is she my last ray of hope for this film? I hope we'll find out soon.

AND HE'S LAUGHING TOO! This guy is getting it, the big verbal beatdown,
Nicolas-style! (This is going to be long) First off, Angie here trusts in her
imprisoned husband because it's John flippin' Tillman, AKA Kable, who's
just hit his 29th victory out of 30. Even if he doesn't escape because of Castle,
she still has the right to believe in him as it's the only thing that gives her hope.
Why don't you go tell her to jump off a bridge while you're at it? Next,
there is nothing wrong with being part of a lower social class, and she's in
Society BECAUSE SHE NEEDED A JOB. She has one! It's not a job I'd like
to ever see become real, but in this little messed-up universe of yours, it's
better than no job at all! Next, by laughing at her you're spitting on her hopes,
one of the reasons she still has to keep going, because she has nothing left, with
her husband in prison - obviously Ken Castle will not let Tillman out - and her
daughter placed in a rich family. Even if the chances are slim, she hopes to see
them again, you asshole! Last but not least, this attitude is disrespectful and
unthinkable of a correct government agent. Such behavior should get you fired
or, at least, warned. You represent everything wrong with the world in this movie,
and for that reason, I want to kill you, little piece of s***, above any other
villain in the film! Screw you, agent! Burn in Hell!

Ludacris in this film loves to appear as a giant face by
showing up in wide angle lens on huge screens. It's Simon
in front of him. That gives you an idea.
Then, we get to Simon in his room. He's buying upgrades for Kable in Slayers when his computer gets hacked by the Humanz. Their leader, played by Ludacris, asks Simon what he thought of the “walkietalkie” program that let him speak to Kable. I should say that for a moment in this scene, we see Ludacris in wide angle lens, and while he's not as much a scenery-chewer as Castle, he sure sees to like being in the scenery. Anyway, the Humanz leader says that Kable knows things that Castle doesn't want out, and therefore the billionaire is trying to get Kable killed before he wins his thirtieth game. Ludacris also rises in my esteem after pointing out that Simon is nothing without Kable, and therefore is just an awful rich white bratty kid. Thanks, leader of the Humanz! And Simon still thinks it's a game. The kid's 17, he should have guessed a long time ago that there's more to Slayers than meets the eye. Still, the hacker convinces Simon to release his control over Kable in critical moments of the game so that Kable can finally be able to do everything he wants; only this will guarantee freedom for Kable.

A last drink? Don't be silly, it's the Halfway Point drink! In
other circumstances, I, too, would also have needed a
freaking drink to get through this bad film.
Oh, also, Tillman is visited by the girl from before, whose dialog states she's with the Humanz. She also says that whatever happens in the thirtieth game, Castle will have Kable killed, so Tillman has to escape from the game zone. Next, Tillman is getting prepared for the final game; he's got a bottle of alcohol, which he promptly drinks, even in front of the security cameras. Hey, if he's not gonna take the game seriously and get drunk, more power to him. But as a result, he's a lot less useful on the battle zone, when he regains control of his own actions. Still, Tillman makes his way to an underground parking lot, where he finds a working car... which... I don't want to write this... Please, please don't make me write that... Ack! No! Please! I'll do anything except write that! Gulp down a shooter! Shave your back for a nickle! Befriend an orca! Anything except writing that!

What the HELL are these trucks? Yeah yeah, they're made to
prevent slayers frome escaping, but seriously, they look
so stupid!
I have no choice. Urgh... he... he fills the car's gas tank with his own puke... and... urine... Oh God, I can't believe I wrote that... I had to write that on my blog, of all places... ...Anyway, somehow the car works again thanks to the alcohol, providing him with enough fuel to leave the parking... not in time, though, as he gets ambushed by soldiers and Hackman. Oh God, not him again! But Kable still manages to leave and drive away from the battlefield, despite the large trucks trying to block his way and send him back to the zone. ...Oh please, it's not like his... his... his alcohol “rejections” could have given him enough fuel for that! Come on!

Still, with his escape, Kable is officially listed as “fragged”, and he's now searched for everywhere by the authorities. However, everyone thought Simon was controlling him (and for good reason; no player had ever released control over their player in a Slayers game before, so no one knows Simon could do that), and as a result the young gamer loses all of his fame, is called a cheater, has had his father's bank accounts frozen and is under police investigation.

Oh no, we're not going back to Society, please... no! When will this torture stop? We're back with Fatso McDisgusting, Angie's controller in Society. I don't want to see that guy, it was getting good with Tillman! Please! Stop, movie, stop! Give me a goddamn break! Oh, it's only for thirty seconds? Phew. See, I told you that this movie's editing was awful. Too fast for its own good, with too many moments that switch tone entirely, and as a result you can barely follow what's going on. And with so much going on, that's a problem.

"Back in the good old days, we were playing with remotes,
there were less buttons, games were played on normal
Pictured: Brother (Ludacris) of the Humanz.
We're back with Tillman, disguised, hiding in the "poor" suburbs. He meets the girl who spoke to him in prison. She's... a pretty punk. He embarks on her motorbike and the two drive away... to the Humanz group's headquarters. Urgh, the montage during the speeding bike scene is making me sick... That, or it's what I had to write earlier... Come on, Nic, you're more than halfway through, you can do it. Stay calm, be cool, don't go crazy. Tillman and the girl reach the Humanz headquarters, where the hackers are playing old arcade games and air hockey. The leader is there with his sidekick; both are known by their nicknames, Brother and Dude, respectively. Wished I was making that up, but this silliness is really in the film. Some actually needed plot exposition is given: They took his blood because it contains his code and they wouldn't have been able otherwise to hack into his system and let him go free of control during games. They also tell him that more and more people in need of money are volunteering for Society. Their exposition ends with Brother finally revealing Ken Castle's final plan: To have all the humans on the planet be infected by the nanites, to become his slaves. Yeah... I was wondering why that crazy billionaire kept his invention for entertainment; he was crazy enough to go that step beyond... Last, Brother tells Tillman that they know where his wife is.

This one picture isn't enough to show everything that is
wrong in this scene.
Oh, God, every time we switch back to Society, it's always getting more and more depraved. Please, I don't want to see that anymore... Anyway, Angie is in a bar in Society, where she's approached by a guy who invites her for some sex. Oh, please, no, not with their ridiculous attires, this is going to be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen! (Before you ask, no, I never watched Saw nor anything that pushes the “disturbing” envelope beyond that.) Oh hey, Tillman arrives just in time... to break the other Society character's spine and retrieve his wife. (Wait a second; that guy was innocent! He was being controlled by someone else, so he was not the one doing something awfully wrong! he had the body, but the mind wasn't there! John Tillman killed an innocent! He... My God... He made an innocent victim...) Tillman tries to reason with Angie, or rather, with the disgusting obese man, but ultimately it doesn't work. He brings his wife back to the Humanz to turn her nanites off, but on the way they meet with Hackman... again? Dammit! Tillman gets shot by the black man, who leaves with Angie.

"Surpriiiiise! I'm like a jack-in-the-box. Ya never know when
I'm gonna appear and make you crap your pants!"
For the record, he didn't actually say that. I just like to put
comedy quotes under the pictures.

Also, in the escalator, Hackman kills two other Society characters... and Angie's controller, the absolutely horrible obese guy, told him through Angie to do it. MAN! This is going way too far now! Okay, it was gone way too far already, but now it's gone beyond acceptable! This is... Do they really think all gamers are like that? That they are fat, creepy people with no regards for human life? Ready to see murders on the screen even if it's actual people, not video game characters, getting killed? And getting aroused by it? I've been trying to avoid that word so far, in this review, but.... Fuck you, movie!

I feel the need to explain myself again. You may have noticed
that I am making fun of this character's weight. Rest assured,
though, I am not insulting him because he's fat, but because
he's a mother-flipping disgusting creep. Who happens to be fat.

Hanged with hooks... by their skin... I think I'll...
I think I'll be sick... *hurries out*
Oh no, IT KEEPS GOING! Tillman keeps walking through Society, where we find out that, apparently, even WORSE is going on in other places. I... I don't want to watch this movie anymore... Please, please stop it... I don't... I don't like it... I really want to stop watching... This movie will be the end of me... Please... Stop it... Help- help me... Like the overall debauchery in the place wasn't enough (seriously, people getting hanged to the ceiling by their skin? Urgh... Help me!), Castle's soldiers enter the place in search of Tillman, and since the extreme disco lights make it hard to aim right, they shoot for Tillman but hit - and most likely kill - Society characters who, I must remind you, ARE HUMANS IN NEED OF MONEY.

And God, the lighting in that scene is making me sick! That, combined to the editing... Please help me... Help me, save me from this movie... Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase...

So, Tillman and Angie make it out alive, though Angie is still being controlled. A van passes by the closed space of Society and picks them up. The person in the van? A woman, the one who interviewed Ken Castle in the first minutes of the film. That's... reassuring... I guess?

"No, sir, I didn't help Kable. He was in control. Also, I'm not
the one who stole the 100$ in my dad's wallet; I took a 50$.
There's a difference."
We're then brought to another of the slow moments in the film (Those can be counted on the fingers of your two hands). Simon is under police arrest for allegedly helping Tillman escape from Slayers. He's accused of helping a murderer from escaping prison – and death. The police officer also shows him pictures of the aftermath of each Slayers game: Blood and guts everywhere on the battlefield. Take that, you little self-entitled brat who thought this was just a game! Still, Simon asks the agent that he brings him a sandwich. ...Yeah, sure, any policeman would fall into that trap easily.

Back with the Humanz now – gosh, incessantly going back and forth makes this movie an even bigger mess than I thought – where they take some of Angie's blood, after which they'll be able to hack in her nanites to set her free from her ugly player's control. Thanks God, I hope we never see Fatso McDisgusting ever again. The Humanz are basically deactivating the nanites' order reception, which sets the person free from the control. You know, more and more I realize that the Humanz are the real humans in this. The real good guys, the bright light in a sea of darkness, a sea of jerks, monsters, violence and sex-craving people. Anyway, they work like that because there is no way to remove the nanites, since they multiply and replace key parts of the brain after a while. Maybe I'm going crazy, but after everything we saw here, this pseudo-science starts making sense in this little world...

Is this the moment where we get some much-needed answers?
Brother discusses with Tillman after this. We find out Tillman's story: He was one of the testers for the nanites. During a testing session, while they were being controlled by other people, Tillman picked up a gun and shot the other test subject in the head. The victim was his long-time friend Travis Scotch. The nanites were all being tested on soldiers, as Castle originally wanted to sell that technological advance to the military. Brother goes on to explain that afterward, Castle still commercialized his nanites, thanks to Society.

Also, Angie is finally released from the nanites' control. During that time, Brother and Dude check Tillman's memories and the hackers finally see the testing phase during which Tillman killed Scotch. It also reveals that the people being controlled have no idea of what they're doing while they're, well... being controlled. Also, Castle was controlling Tillman when the murder took place, that very same murder that sent Tillman in prison for life. And... well, let's just say this patches up one of the bigger questions I, and everyone else, had about Tillman's crime, which until now only appeared in flashes.

In that scene, there was also a brief flash of Ken Castle mimicking a shooter
with the hand, and pulling a trigger. I think I hate Castle more than the
government agent now, but I'm sure Castle will die by the end of this
film, unlike the asshole agent who laughed in Angie's face. AAAARGH!

I need to take a break. For the sake of my own sanity. Please, come back this Friday. I'll finish this review, I'll finish watching this movie, I'll finally be freed from its horror... Until then, pray for me, in hopes that it will help me. Help me. Help me. Help... me...