In the wake of the
Simpsons Movie, Matt Groening and the production team behind this
cinematographic event were trying to hide the movie's plot so that
nobody would discover it before the film's release. That whole dome
thing, the family escaping to Alaska, Homer saving the city... I'm
sure you all knew about this, right? (If you didn't, well... Oopsie!) Well, the whole plan was to be
sure that nobody would know before July 27th, 2007. Hey, I
went to watch this film in theaters for my 15th birthday!
You can't give any better to a Simpsons fan!
However, I can't help but
believe that this extreme secrecy had an effect on all the
merchandise that would inevitably come because of the film's
popularity. Many movies nowadays have their video game adaptation... with, ahem, “varying” levels of quality. My guess is that, among others,
the Simpsons producers didn't want the advertisements for an upcoming
video game to contain scenes that are too close to the movie's
plot... And thus, we got a story that was unrelated to the film in
all regards. Or they wanted to make sure nobody on the staff at
Electronic Arts would spill the beans on their ultra-secret plot, so
they chose to create a totally unrelated story. Or maybe it's a reason totally unrelated to the Movie. Regardless, what is said story?
The family discovers
they're in a video game!
… Oh God.
This is the Simpsons
Game, everyone. The DS version. And get ready, because this is gonna
be one Hell of a surreal mind screw of a ride.
How do we kick off this
crazy premise? With a dream within Homer's mind, where he attacks a
chocolate world! In this direct reference to a one-off joke in an old
Simpsons episode, we learn the basics to the game. How to move
forward, how to jump, how to attack... Very, very simple. As a
tutorial level, you couldn't ask for better. You also get to learn
Homer's new special attack: He becomes bloated and round like a ball
and rolls around, can ram into enemies with this ability, and can
also ground pound to cause a tiny earthquake, again to attack
enemies. At the end, Homer wakes up... and realizes it was all a
dream. Well, DUH! You turned into a bowling ball full of lipids! Of
course you were dreaming!
Oh, also, you can go back
at any moment to the Simpsons house to play the minigame “Pet
Homer”. Basically, Homer's in his underwear, and you can tap him to
tickle him. You can also bring all sorts of food towards him so that
he'll eat it. Except maybe vegetables. He has two meters, one for his
energy and one for his mood. Overfeed him and he gets a heart attack,
in which case you must use a defibrillator. You can also shave him,
though his perma-beard will come back instantly once you're done.
More items get added as you progress in the game. Also, other
characters from The Simpsons, and even characters from this game, can
make a cameo here from time to time. Note: Homer remains in his
underwear all this time, never wearing anything more. Not even socks.
So don't try to dress him up. There's no way.
Na nanana na, ya can't hit me! |
Also, by this point, you
will have noticed something more about this game; it's chock-full of
collectibles and unlockables. In every level, you can collect little
items, one for each character. Homer picks up beer bottle caps, Bart
picks up Krusty Coupons, Lisa picks up Malibu Stacey coupons... And
that's still not all. You can also collect “Video Game Clichés”,
presented by none other than an expert on the matter, Comic Book Guy.
Can you catch them all? Not just the collectible clichés themselves,
but the jokes and references behind them?
As Bart and Homer
progress in the museum, it becomes clear that Jimbo, Dolph and
Kearney are there to cause trouble too, so Bart must deal with them by
attacking with his slingshot. Bart finally defeats Jimbo, who was
hiding inside a UFO in the Universe room of the museum. At the end,
it turns out that Skinner had sent them there to steal stuff for the
school.
Only Bart can fly? ...Oh well, too bad. |
It's kinda odd to see the
characters in 3D in the cutscenes... I mean, we're so used to seeing
the 2D versions, of course it looks odd.
But now it's Lisa's turn.
You see, she asks for Bart's help, as she wants to get rid of an evil wood-cutting enterprise owned by – duh – Mr. Burns. Bart tells
her about his superpowers and Lisa looks in the guide to see if she
has any. Turns out she does! She can use an ability called Buddha's
Hand, which lets her move heavy objects without using any physical energy.
Or, well, you use the stylus to move the objects around. Don't go
telling me that it takes you any physical energy either! Oh yeah, she can
also use this to lift enemies off the ground and drop them to kill
them. Bart and she work together to stop the enterprise and its wood
factory, each depending on the other's abilities to go ahead.
Seriously, what is up with the lumber- jacks attacking us with SAW BLADES? |
...Oh hey, there's a
Frogger parody near the end of this level! A gamer's Heaven! Pretty
cool! ...And once this relaxing arcade break is done, you have to
save Lenny and Carl, which somehow got themselves attached to a large
log and risk getting sawed in half. Morons. When they're saved, the
factory is also stopped, the furnace explodes, Mr. Burns admits
defeat (That was quick), and dozens of lumberjacks have lost their
job. Congrats, Lisa.
One thing you'll notice
VERY quickly in this game is that there's no scoring system. There's
no lives either. Literally, you can make the Simpsons die hundreds of
times. There is literally no way to lose a level, unless you count
leaving a level to re-start it as losing. As a result, the game is
damn easy. Really way too easy. The only part of challenge in this is
when your character dies and respawns at the last checkpoint and you
have to go through either the enemies or the level dangers once more.
Another thing you'll learn quite quickly as well is the life bar on the bottom screen; it depletes kind of quickly. Each Simpson has maybe four or five hit points, tops. Last thing you'll notice? Most enemies – scratch that, ALL enemies – will have an attack speed high enough that they'll be able to hit you. In other words, no matter how many Hit Points the enemies have, it'll take you four or five seconds to dispose of them, and they have enough time to attack you back and deplete your own Hit Points quickly. Last thing you'll notice? Level traps such as flamethrowers and saw blades will pretty much kill you as soon as you touch them. Not in a single shot, no; instead, it depletes your Life Bar of all five Hit Points in less than a second. Nice damage programming there, Electronic Arts. Although, this Hit Point thing is really inconsistent, and as a result some levels are easier because of it, while others are harder. But still, why should you care that you're gonna lose lives if you have INFINITE LIVES?
Another thing you'll learn quite quickly as well is the life bar on the bottom screen; it depletes kind of quickly. Each Simpson has maybe four or five hit points, tops. Last thing you'll notice? Most enemies – scratch that, ALL enemies – will have an attack speed high enough that they'll be able to hit you. In other words, no matter how many Hit Points the enemies have, it'll take you four or five seconds to dispose of them, and they have enough time to attack you back and deplete your own Hit Points quickly. Last thing you'll notice? Level traps such as flamethrowers and saw blades will pretty much kill you as soon as you touch them. Not in a single shot, no; instead, it depletes your Life Bar of all five Hit Points in less than a second. Nice damage programming there, Electronic Arts. Although, this Hit Point thing is really inconsistent, and as a result some levels are easier because of it, while others are harder. But still, why should you care that you're gonna lose lives if you have INFINITE LIVES?
Now, what's happening on
Marge's side? Well, she learns that a Senator is trying to ban Grand
Theft Scratchy; sadly, Quimby is bribing the company behind the game (Surprise! It's Electronic Arts!),
so banning it will be very difficult. The children who bought the
game also seem more violent than usual; Martin Prince even steals
Flanders' car! MARTIN PRINCE! The town's adults must get together to stop this, but
how? Well, Lisa shows her mother the game guide, and Marge finds out
about her abilities.
What can she do? She
always has a megaphone with her; she can use it to rally nearby
adults to her cause. After which she can make them do whatever she
needs them to. It could be knocking down a sign, punching a kid, or
stopping a bribe from taking place. She can also send Maggie through
tight spaces to pull levers. Of course, Marge can also punch and
kick if she needs to physically defend herself. Against angry
policemen, I'd understand, but against KIDS...? Good Lord, this is
getting violent!
Marge and Lisa help each
other. In the end, Maggie is sent through an air vent and pulls a
lever to heat up the sauna in which Quimby and the man from EA were.
They come out, and then hear the mob outside; The president of EA had
told Quimby to avoid mobs or the bribe would be gone. Well, the bribe
is gone! Grand Theft Scratchy cannot be played by minors anymore! Woo
hoo, Marge and Lisa won! Lisa still points out the hypocrisy of the
situation, that Marge used violence to stop a violent game...
However, the troubles
aren't over. Hell no, they aren't. Kang and Kodos are watching the
planet from space, and decide it's time to attack. They turn the Lard
Lad Donuts statue into a monster, they also make the dolphins
intelligent, and they start releasing many of their own species to
invade. ...Well, geez, those are some good Treehouse of Horror
references! Anyway, Bart and Lisa think they still aren't ready to
face all this, so they have to find Professor Frink. He will know
what to do in this case.
Bart and Lisa reach the
professor's house and, after a few knocks at the door, realize he's
not there... so they sneak in and find a strange machine in the
basement. They get inside the machine and are transported to a
strange world that looks like a factory. Professor Frink arrives and tells them
that this is the Game Engine, the game's program itself, the
indubitable proof that they are in a video game. Bart tells him that
they need to upgrade their video game powers to face the aliens... so
Frink shows them the game's guide. Except the prof is then taken
captive by an ape. Oh hai, Donkey Kong! Bart and Lisa chase after the
ape. Bart unlocks a new ability, which lets him use a grappling hook
to swing above large gaps or reach higher platforms. They also...
somehow... battle characters from Street Fighters. Lisa also learns
to lift herself to other places with her Buddha's Hand ability. The
level ends in a parody of the original Donkey Kong, in which Lisa
removes bits from the structure to make it collapse. As a result,
Professor Frink is freed. He hands them the strategy guide, but
decides not to go with the Simpson kids, as he's found love in the Game Engine.
With a... turtle. Bart and Lisa leave the Game Engine.
Okay, seriously. What the
Heck just happened? It makes no sense! Dang! Okay.... um... ... ...I just realized something. This game is too weird
for me. I need to enter a different mindset to enjoy it fully.
Ah, better.
Hurry, Homer! Or one source of your obesity will kill you! |
Well, at least Bart and
Lisa's mini-games can now be played at the Noiseland Video Arcade.
You see, I forgot to mention that the Level Select screen is a small
version of a Springfield district. All flashing locations indicate
that one level is held there, except for a few. Those others are the
Android's Dungeon (Where you can see how many collectibles you're
missing for each level, what you earned for getting all collectibles
in a level, and also the whole list of video game clichés), the
Aztec Theater (where you can watch again all the cutscenes) and Moe's
Tavern (which lets you see the end credits as well as the ability to
tap on some Springfield citizens and re-listen to the lines they say
in the game). The only location with more than one level is Frink's
house, first with the Cheatrix, and then the others, which you'll see
soon. Oh, and there's also the Chocolate Land level that you can
access from a dream bubble near the Simpsons' house.
Anyway, the Simpson
family is looking for more ways to save the city, and since they're
video game characters, they thought “Hey! Why not go look for
walkthroughs on Internet? Or cheat codes?” So, they hurry on the
family computer. However, Homer tries to put his beer in the CD
compartment... causing the computer to bug and bring the whole family
into a virtual land. Or rather, the Bargain Bin, a cheap cousin to
the Game Engine. They then meet a nerd on a floating platform. Not
any nerd, either; the creator of SimCity and The Sims! Of course,
being a recent Simpsons work, it couldn't help but slip in
a little cameo. Duh. Sadly, the nerd tells the family that he
destroys old video games when they become outdated. Guess what?
There's been quite a few Simpsons games around the NES and SNES era,
so a pixelated version of the Simpson family is about to be
destroyed! They must be saved!
So far, the game is
pretty awesome, though all this meta comedy makes my head spin. Is
that what we call a mind screw? Phew, I think I understand what it
means now. If you thought this plot made little sense, just wait
until you read the second part. You are not gonna believe it. So, come back next week!
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