|
Minigun. Mega damage. |
It’s now time for the next major event: The Paleto Bay
bank heist. We have everything we need, the last few missions allowed us to get
our hands on the required arsenal. Since most of this heist will serve to fund
the FIB’s mission, we’ll get away with only a fraction of what we’ll steal –
but it should be worth it. See, that bank’s used for money laundering by the
local cops, so they really don’t want anyone stealing it. That’s why the cop
cars don’t take too long to show up after the team has walked into the bank.
And when the team walks out, they’re in heavy soldier armor, wielding miniguns
and other major weapons. And now, we just kill everything on sight, switching
between Michael and Trevor, while a third shooter (of your choice among heist
crew members) takes care of the rest.
|
Lock and load, and hope the loader's driver doesn't die. |
Franklin arrives in a front loader to bring the guys
away, but the goddamn army’s involved now, and the guys make their way
through a factory and onto a train in order to leave. Successful heist! We got
a little less than 8 million dollars, the FIB takes more than 6M$, hands the
rest over and lets the group split the cash. Franklin, Michael and Trevor each
get about 400,000$. That’s more than enough to live comfortably, no? I mean,
that’s 15 years of my current salary.
|
Train-biking: Safer than car-surfing! |
There are still plenty of side-quests around, whether
it’s Franklin heading out for a triathlon or following some crazy extreme
sports guy who keeps dragging him around on parachuting ventures. Meanwhile,
Trevor decides to steal the contents of a Merryweather-owned train as it’s got
to be something valuable. As long as it isn’t another nuke... As for how they
do it, Trevor literally jumps with his motorcycle onto the train, drives up to
the locomotive, gets in the cabin and drives past the stopping point, then crashes it into another train on a bridge. Michael’s
down there on a boat, ready to blow up the doors of a wagon. He ventures inside
while Trevor shoots down the Merryweather army men coming to stop them.
|
Pictured: A woman who fell for Trevor...
And a woman Trevor fell for.
Two-way Stockholm! |
|
I suppose it's gonna be useful to pay our apologies to
Madrazo... but I feel like Trevor would like that statue
better if it was filled with meth. |
The two make it out alive with some of the loot in the
wagon: A golden statue that Michael plans to offer to Martin Madrazo, as
apologies since, y’know, Trevor kidnapped Madrazo’s wife and all. Speaking of
which, Trevor’s really in love with Patricia Madrazo, we can tell. I’d say
“poor guy” because he also has to bring back the kidnapped love of his life,
but… he kidnapped her. Also, it's Trevor; he’s a serial killer with a head count in the four
digits, so you can’t really feel too sorry for him. I actually feel more sorry for patricia, who has somehow grown to genuinely love Trevor. In return for this, Michael
does promise that with Lester’s help, they should try to attack the biggest
cash reserve in all of Los Santos: The Union Depository. That’s a loot that
would make even the most careful criminal salivate with envy at the thought of
potential success.
|
Once again, we have a quick moment of gameplay that is
unexpected, fun, and story-relevant. Shame we never get
a chance to cut out a steel grid ever again afterwards.
Could have been fun as part of a side-quest. |
But now it’s actually time to go help the FIB in their
mission against the IAA. As it turns out, in this big story of funding, the IAA
figured they would get more help from the government if they provoked an actual
terrorist attack or two, and so they’re preparing to release a neurotoxin on
Los Santos. Quick reminder that the IAA is a reference to the CIA and are
depicted as complete douches with no regards for human life, even that of the
people they’re supposedly protecting, if they don’t mind killing a bunch just
to get a few extra billions. Well, okay, billions is a lot of money, I can see
why the less scrupulous folks would decide to kill people to get such
amounts. But it's supposed to be the freaking CIA! The irony being that they want that money to prevent more terrorism
from happening… so… Jesus fucking Christ this is dark.
|
Must not drop the container... must not drop the container...
Must not- OH SHIT |
We’re now introduced to diving suits, which are used
here but may be acquired to find other secrets hidden underwater around the
map. We sneak into the lab and use a tazer on whoever gets in the way of the
neurotoxin. Then, after Michael gets his hands on the vial, Dave, Steve and he shoot the guards
on the way out. They get outside and
secure the toxin in a freezing chamber, then Trevor, piloting a helicopter, grabs the package and drops it back at the miniature
airport he owns, where Franklin is waiting. There we go, we no longer have to
work with the FIB, at last!
|
Don't worry, they stay in touch. In secret.
Dunno if that's heartwarming or creepy. |
That’s when Michael tells Franklin that his debt to
Madrazo has been paid off with the gold statue taken earlier, so there’s only
one loose end left. And that loose end is Trevor, on the verge of tears,
bringing Patricia back to her husband while Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now”
plays on the radio. Oh, she’s never going to be mistreated by her husband ever
again. Let’s just say Trevor made sure Martin Madrazo would remember forever
this encounter, each time he looks in a mirror. You don’t notice how important
for symmetry your ears are until you’re missing one of ‘em. Oooh, that’s nasty.
Well! That’s one more plot thread resolved!
Speaking of resolving plot threads… Trevor goes back
to Floyd’s apartment and meets Debra, Floyd’s girlfriend. The two are kicking him out. After trying bargain, and see that it isn't working... Trevor comes out of the apartment covered in blood.
We see none of what transpired in there. All we know is that, in
order to put this behind him, Trevor brings his associate Wade to the strip
club. As if nothing happened. Even though Floyd is Wade’s cousin. That’s alright, though; Trevor drives to the Vanilla Unicorn and
decides to, ahem, dispose of the owner, so that he becomes the owner. Geez, I
didn’t know strip clubs worked by the Klingon promotion system.
|
"If nothing major happens to break our group apart,
we should be able to do this score just fine, very soon." |
Now, our trio of protagonists can meet at the Vanilla Unicorn to discuss
their next and biggest coup: The Union Depository. In preparation for the Big Score, we scout the area
around the U.D. with Michael in his car and Trevor in a helicopter.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like this plan will come to fruition soon, as
Michael is confronted by Trevor shortly afterwards. Yes, these two are arguing
all the time, and it’s getting more and more irritating as it goes; It IS a
major part of the plot that Michael betrayed his friend, after all. Trevor drops the question: Michael had an
arranged funeral so he could flee with his family into the Witness Protection
Program. Trevor has finally figured out that there has to be something or
someone who was buried in that coffin ten years ago, and he intends to find
out.
In the events that follow, Michael takes a plane and then drives to the North Yankton graveyard. He
finds Trevor well at work, already about to open the coffin. And as it turns
out… their old partner in crime who died on the night of the failed score,
Brad, is the guy buried in there. See, Trevor thought Brad was alive and
jailed. However, Agent Dave Norton was writing to him pretending to be Brad, to
uphold the masquerade of Michael being dead. However, in the past missions,
Trevor has started to feel increasingly betrayed by Michael and his lies,
getting more and more fed up by his old friend’s dishonesty, and this reveal of
Brad being dead all along is the last straw. Trevor runs away…
|
And then criminals show up. The evil ones.
I guess, in a game featuring three protagonists who are
three different types of criminals despite retaining a slight
edge of moral high ground (however slim it is), we need
some way to distinguish the "good", "decent" criminals
from the... "evil" ones?
Y'know... shades of grey and all that. |
|
I'll be honest, of all the missions in the game, this was one
of the hardest for me. Only a pistol against hordes of
opponents, being forced to sneak your way around and
gather better weapons on your way out... It felt very different
from many other missions. The stakes were high, it was
more than just a shootout, danger was everywhere.
It's one of the best (if toughest) moments that GTA V
has to offer. |
…But Michael doesn’t have the time to leave. Following the botched meth and weapons deals with the O'Neil brothers because Trevor killed the O'Neils), the
Triads want Trevor dead. They followed him to North Yankton, and were ready to kill him there – only, Trevor left too quickly, so they
decided to attack Michael instead. Whom they mistake for Trevor’s gay lover.
Cue the homophobic insults from Asian mobsters. Class act What follows is one of the hardest missions in the game, as Michael has been
stripped of his weapons before embarking on the plane, so he only has a pistol
and whatever he can get from the guys he kills. He’s badly outnumbered; that
group was on its way to battle Trevor, of course they’d send a few dozen guys
at a dude who does mass-murdering carnages for fun.
Michael fights well, but ends up captured by the
Triads who decide to hold him at ransom. Their leader, Wei Cheng, personally
calls Trevor. Wei Cheng’s reveal as a major villain doesn’t come
out of nowhere; he tried to connect with Trevor Philips Industries much
earlier, but the deal went through, and Trevor also murdered anyone else that the Triads
tried associating with. While Trevor was living in Los Santos, he would
receive reports from his ally Ron that some Chinese people had been snooping
around his trailer. Forget Madrazo; Wei Cheng is
the true final boss of Trevor’s story.
|
Literally partaking in crime, using a James Bond-esque
vehicle. It that blasphemy? |
Phew! Sorry for the text dump, I do that way too often
as I come close to the ending of a game. I should probably speed things up a
bit. In the next mission, Franklin and Lamar steal the last car demanded by
Devin Weston. This is too easy. They
bring it to Trevor, who drives the Packer carrying all the stolen cars. They’re
told to deliver the cars to Paleto Bay, which is a few hours of in-game time
away. Even for the player, it’s a good 10 minutes. But they’re then attacked by
the police, and Franklin has to use the car he stole from Vinewood Studios to derail the cops. Dropping spikes on the road, shooting with the mounted guns… I love that car! They manage to bring the cars to the meeting
point, but Weston’s assistant, Molly Schultz, robs them of payment by saying
her boss invested the payment’s money instead. You see what I meant all this time:
Our criminal bosses in this game always find an excuse not to get the player
characters paid.
|
I remember blowing my way through the factory.
Literally so; with sticky bombs where the enemies stood, and
blowing them up from afar. That was amazing. |
Franklin later tries to talk with Trevor about what
happened at North Yankton ten years prior, but he gets no answer. He calls
Lester who traces Michael’s phone and Franklin finds him; he’s
hanging from his feet in a meat factory. I think the Triads are trying to
pierce the honest market of long pork pies. Franklin kills every Triad guy on
the way, and gives a gun to Michael who frees himself. The two work together on
their way out, killing more Chinese gangsters. They come out. steal a
car, and Michael goes back to his empty home. Though he finally explains to Franklin why he
did what he did in North Yankton 9 years ago.
|
"We gonna get outta here Mike, hang in there!"
"It's only the 47th time I hear that joke today!" |
|
That brown board will be covered in papers, plans.
blueprints and stuff to plan the heist. |
Now free, Michael can go back to Solomon Richards,
only to see his idol getting beaten up by Rocco, the star agent that we
forcefully brought back to Richards. This time, no prisoners – Michael chases
down Rocco and his associate Gianni, and kills them both. As a reward, Solomon
shows Michael some cuts of Meltdown, the film he’s working on, and the part of
the credits where Michael de Santa is listed as Assistant Director. Then we
also need to help Lester steal a hard drive containing important data from the FIB building, as what is
(hopefully) the last mission Michael has to do for Steve Haines. This is yet
another heist, and you can once again pick between a sneaky way or a more
dangerous way to get things done. Whatever you choose, multiple missions have
to be accomplished: First, we steal janitor uniforms. Then, we get the plans
for the building (they have to be stolen in paper form, as Lester couldn’t find
them online, so we beat up and rob the building's architect). Last but not least, a getaway car and a fire truck will be
needed. Got all this? Good! We’ll be ready to go.
|
Just a normal family outing for these. |
This is as good a time as any for Michael to get his
life in order while we’re at it. His son Jimmy visits him at home and brings
him around the area to pick up his wife Amanda and his daughter Tracy before
bringing everyone to Doctor Friedlander, his psychiatrist. We also take that
opportunity to get some revenge on Fabien the yoga instructor and Lazlow, the
host of Fame or Shame who had been making insistent, creepy advances to Tracy. Phew! Ah, Michael. When he’s not a distant jerk of a dad,
he’s an overprotective, violent jerk of a dad. A perfect picture of parenting!
|
Sure, she was working for an asshole, but almost everyone
in this game is working for ana sshole. Plus, she had no
personality whatsoever.
I don't know if I should feel sorry. I'm at a loss! |
Last but not least, Michael visits Solomon Richard,
who says the movie Meltdown has been completed. However, Devin Weston and his
assistant Molly are there, saying they want to tear down Vinewood (AKA: That
universe's version of FREAKING HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS) because movies are, oh, so passé! And
they might as well build condos over the lot instead. Molly flees with the
physical copy of the film that Solomon was carrying, and Michael chases her all
the way to the airport, where she eventually flees on foot into the buildings…
and Holy Shit! She gets sucked into a plane turbine. When did this turn into Final Destination?
So Michael gets the movie, escapes the police, and
comes back only to learn that Solomon had plenty of digital copies anyway. In
other words: This particular mission was entirely pointless!
My words can’t quite convey it, but that final mission
was pretty awesome. But killing Westn's lawyer might have repercussions. I think I’m going to stop there for today. Meet me in Part
5 for the last two heists in the game, and hopefully the final missions.
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