We, as gamers, have a lot of franchises that we
praise. In every genre, on every platform. I have always been a Nintendo guy,
so I have their franchises in mind. Other folks grew up with PlayStation or XBox, with their own franchises and exclusives. Others just go PC all the way. We all
agree on one thing, though: Most film adaptations of games suck.
It’s practically proven. If a film is an adaptation of
a famous franchise, it’s most likely going to be terrible. There's more
than a few reasons for that:
-The studio snatched up the rights before it could form a competent team that knew the subject matter;
-The producers and directors didn’t seek out info on the adapted franchise;
-The screenwriters did not do the bloody research and got basic facts wrong;
-The folks in Hollywood associated with the project aren’t gamers to start with (less likely nowadays, but still possible);
-The fans know the source material better and can point out every inconsistency between the film and the games;
-Or all of the above with a double dose of incompetence thrown in.
-The studio snatched up the rights before it could form a competent team that knew the subject matter;
-The producers and directors didn’t seek out info on the adapted franchise;
-The screenwriters did not do the bloody research and got basic facts wrong;
-The folks in Hollywood associated with the project aren’t gamers to start with (less likely nowadays, but still possible);
-The fans know the source material better and can point out every inconsistency between the film and the games;
-Or all of the above with a double dose of incompetence thrown in.
Making a movie about video games without it being an
adaptation isn’t a guarantee that the film will turn out any better, either;
Sure, Wreck-It Ralph was awesome, but Pixels sucked. I can confirm, I saw it
again lately. Blergh. However, there will always be diamonds in the rough, and
a sufficiently talented team could come up with something, maybe not a
masterpiece, but a movie that gamers aren’t ashamed to watch. Today, I fully
acknowledge that these cases are rare and the examples given here are very
unlikely to happen – but a guy can dream. I’m not saying these movies will
happen, or that they won’t ever happen – those are the ramblings of a guy who
likes video games, who likes movies, and would like to see some video game
movies done right. And those are just ideas.
1. Super Mario Bros.
Type: Animated
Nintendo loves its silent player characters. Mario
speaks phrases here or there, but is rarely saying actual, long lines of
dialogue. Yet, we know that Charles Martinet is able to talk for a while as any
of the characters he voices for the franchise, and he has repeatedly shown his
talent for voice acting outside of the Mario franchise. Have you seen those
videos from past conventions where Mario and Luigi were holding actual
Q&As?
This: Never again. BTW, I reviewed this movie for the blog in 2015. |
2. The Legend of Zelda
Type: Live-action… or animated
Man, don't you just hate it when promising stuff turns out to be a hoax? |
There is a feel of mysticism and magic in Hyrule, and
there’s also a lot of elements of the series that we could put into the movie.
There would be something to be done with special effects. I can personally see
this done in live-action, though I’d personally prefer if it was animated. Has
anybody seen the short fanmade film about Majora’s Mask, released on YouTube
not long ago?
I want something of this quality, with a good script,
detail and effort. That might be too much to ask. But I swear, I would LOVE
this.
3. Kirby
Type: Animated
Maybe keep it to 3D this time. |
It goes without saying that every item on this list
would need a creative consultant that knows the source material inside and out,
so I won’t bring it up each time. For the Kirby movie, that would
definitely be a big plus. We need to stay true to the source material while
offering a movie-length story that will keep audiences interested; that is
something else I don’t think needs to be repeated for each item on the list. It
goes without saying.
In Kirby’s case, I could see an animated film for the
whole family, with the adorable protagonists we know and love, and an enormous
threat to Dream Land, of the kind we know and love from the franchise. Who
would it be: Dark Matter? That company from Kirby: Planet Robobot? Maybe the
final storyline of Kirby Super Star, what with the giant mechanical wish
granter and Marx as the villain? I can think of a few enemies in the franchise
that could adapt well to film. With tweaks to the original plots, of course.
4. Sonic the Hedgehog
Type: Live-action (and maybe Animated)
Live-action Sonic is so hirsute, it's actually kinda weird to see. Even the Boom version isn't that detailed. |
Now, over whether to go for live-action or animated
for this… tough decision, but I went with live-action. The marriage of CGI
characters with the real world has always been shaky; most of the time, viewers
can tell that the animated characters don’t quite fit. Think about The Smurfs,
or Ted, or Garfield. That’s the potential issue here once again – make the
characters fit in with the world and the actors.
As for the story, I would probably prefer if the
screenwriters thought up something original. The last time Sonic was around
more realistic humans, well… the less we say about Sonic 06 the better. I would
go for a new story rather than an adaptation of an existing story from one of
Sonic’s many games.
And, you know… worst case scenario, make it a
straight-up animated film. I’d actually trust the writers of the Sonic Boom TV
show to come up with a feature film-length plot to keep the audience
enthralled. They’ve already got the characters down, they’ve got the comedy… Of
course, writing for TV and writing for cinema are quite different things, but
I’m quite certain that we could count on those currently offering the best
Sonic TV show to give us a good Sonic movie.
5. Overwatch
Type: Either (but veering towards Animated)
Either make a movie or stick them all in an animated parody of reality shows. That should be funny. |
That’s probably the biggest issue the screenwriters
would face in making an Overwatch movie: All the playable characters are
beloved, and even though some of them were given greater spotlight and are
preferred by fans, it would be difficult to give every character a chance to
shine. Or, as a matter of fact, a story that would include them all in a
significant manner. I entrust those who know the characters of Overwatch better
than I do to find a potential story that could fill at least 90 minutes. I can
only tell that the quirky and colorful folks of this impressive, successful
game have what it takes to make a movie memorable. A movie's strength is just as much in its characters as it is in its story, after all.
6. Rayman
Type: Animated
The Glade of Dreams, Rayman's magical universe, is as beautiful to watch
as Dream Land or Hyrule. On top of that, Rayman is a beloved franchise that
still has only a few games in the main platforming series, a few spin-offs and
remakes…
Just look at this wondrous 1999 CGI animation. Also, yes, Rayman was voiced by Fry's voice actor. |
I first thought of adding the Raving Rabbids to the
list, considering they had their own TV show, but then decided against it –
people were already crazy when the Minions movie came out, and the Rabbids
would probably end up more annoying over 90 minutes. Not to mention that I
can’t see this happening without the focus shifting to the humans who endure
the presence of the Rabbids… which is already what various episodes of Rabbids
Invasion were about.
Now…
A tough part with this list was to pick franchises
that had not had full movies yet (and then again, I cheated with Super Mario
Bros…. but that’s because they never had an animated film!), and also exclude
franchises that have films in the works (such as Five Nights at Freddy’s).
Where do I go from there: Splatoon? Katamari Damacy? Elder Scrolls? That last
one would require a number of films greater than the Marvel Cinematic Universe,
for Pete’s sake. Undertale? I doubt it. I wanted to avoid coming back to
Nintendo since it’s already nearly half the list (other options were StarFox
and Metroid). I am struggling to find a final one, aren't I? Well... um... let's go with the only one that comes to my mind for now.
7. Kingdom Hearts
Type: Animated
It’s Disney, they’ve been known to make pretty damn
good movies as of late, they would also finally have a movie tying together
many of their franchises through a single storyline. Kingdom Hearts is a great
franchise, but it’s also a bit of a mess of plot twists and points, with some
bigger questions popping up when one has been answered. With Tetsuya Nomura’s
help and direction, a decent script could be written that encompasses most of
the important parts of the KH story, while removing most of the filler. The
franchise has had mangas, novels and remakes, which means that there’s plenty
of additional material.
All I’m saying is, get people with film experience and
KH knowledge, get folks who know the series and allow the creator of the
franchise to have a say on the script… Y’know, all the things we wished were
done to get a decent film adaptation. Add to that the talent for CGI from the
folks at Disney; as long as they don’t phase ponytails through elbows again, we
should be fine. It’s… well, we can keep on wishing for the best, but in the end
that’s all they are. Wishes.
...
Now that this difficult list was done… The event I’ve
been waiting for. I mean, it involves sitting through a terrible movie, but
it’s not as bad as playing through a terrible game. The game needs your
constant input, you can just stop watching the film whenever you want.
So, what’s the movie? I reviewed it already, it was
back in 2015, for a single post. But that’s not enough. No, I need multiple
parts for that review.
Starting next Friday: A huge review of Pixels. Yes,
THAT Sandler movie.
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