Oh great, what the Hell kind of troubles did I get Huang Lee into? Following Part 1, as if it wasn’t enough that he’s almost wiping clean the asses of three wannabe successors to the greatest criminal empire of Liberty City, now he’s got to help a goddamn cop?
Am I going too far in the vulgarity? I mean, M-rated games have fun going overboard with vulgarity, I guess I should still keep some self-respect and not do like they do… forget that awful metaphor in the previous paragraph. Either way, now with four people to receive missions from, Huang is busier than ever.
|Saving Private Chan, Episode 218. Just another day for|
Getting screwed over by five guys at once. If I was a chick, I’d like that better, but I’m not. And besides, why would the player character in a GTA game be female? This game is a world of dicks. Literally and figuratively. I believe in the criminal talent of women, but I get a feeling this world is super-sexist and would make quick work of women…
Now Wade Heston gives Huang a few missions related to a Korean gang that’s been causing trouble; after which Uncle Kenny tells his nephew to leave the Koreans alone and direct his attention to the Spanish Lords. Jesus F. Christ, this thing’s becoming a crime wars version of The Young And The Restless, escept with less weddings, breakups and breasts! Kenny tasks Huang with protecting his merchandise from the attacking waves of Spanish Lords, who for some reason are really pissed at Kenny. Gee, I dunno, maybe it’s because of the orders I received from Kenny himself to go and shoot them all down! Huang then follows the Spanish Lords’ helicopter through town, discovering their warehouse. In the next mission, we raid that warehouse and steal a truck, bring it back to Kenny’s hideout, and open it to find some nice free drugs. That’s actually another fun mechanic of the game; when you feel like taking some free shit, you can steal it from trucks passing around the city, or head to any warehouse you find, break in and steal some nice stuff. Sure, that means you have to shoot a lot and kill a bunch of people, but don’t you spend most of the game doing that already?
|Oh great, am I gonna have to start saving Heston|
all the time too? If I keep saving people, why
don't I become a good buy? ....Oh, right, I save
these people by killing MORE people.
Chan, always the smart one, goes on a boat race with Huang until they get ambushed by Spanish Lords and Huang has to gun them all down. Hey Chan, since you’re always being attacked, here’s a suggestion: Just die already, that’ll spare me some fucking troubles. You’re a pain in my ass, and not a fun kind. But I don’t swing that way, so to me, there’s no fun kind.
Trouble brews in Hsin’s criminal empire as there appears to be traitor in the ranks, and the federal police forces are cracking down on whatever crime gangs they can get their hands on, even capturing Chan. (Yay.) Hsin thus orders Huang to smuggle a lot of dirty money out of the country by bringing it to a heliport, then shoot an informant from the high point of a hotel. Hey, when did this become an assassination game? I thought we didn’t have precise targets, just members of rival gangs and sometimes cops or people on the streets. Come to think of it, how come we lose some of our star rating by destroying cop cars? Wouldn’t this actually make us even more sought after? I don’t think I should question the logic of that world too much.
|I'm sorry, from this point on I have been unable to find|
a walkthrough that covered the rest of the game in the
DS version. So the next screenshots might not be
from the DS version.
|Killing with a sword has got to be one of the best things|
in GTA, period- What do you mean, most video games out
there already have you killing with swords? Dammit!
|Bleh. This is the worse cop of the two.|
I don’t know why, but Donald Trump ios the first example that appeared in my Canadian mind when I said that.
|What better than a graveyard as a place for a shootout?|
We help Heston deal with some nasty guys using machines to scramble signals around his part of town (a difficult task because it also scrambles your GPS)… after which we help Hsin deal with some weapons dealers who would start representing a danger… then we take care of a small gangster group that wants its independence… Then we help Lester get into the Angels of Death’s graces some more by protecting some stuff… and then we help Rudy steal a car that belongs to the Triads because it may be the Mole’s car and it contains something that listened in on the Mole as he was revealing secrets… ah yes, because that will not cause me any problem with Kenny and Hsin! Jesus Christ, by the end of this everyone’s gonna want me dead. What am I, a fucking carousel? Each of you, have a turn on the Huang Lee ride! One at a time, but don’t worry, you’ll all get your turn to screw him over!
|Caaaaan you feeeeeel the deeeaaaaaaath toniiiiiight...|
|Any idea how many bikers I had to kill so that this guy|
could ger a simple blowjob? Me neither. Way too many,
that's for damn sure.
I hate to think that I’ve gone so off the deep end that I say that sort of thing but… when do I go back to selling drugs? I kinda miss those days. And now we get a message from Hsin. Nothing except the e-mail title, “Traitor?”, and the message, “Come to see me. Right now.”
That’ll wait for Part 3!