After I finished my rather, uh, abrasive review of Mario Kart DS last Monday, I realize I was still in the mood for a sport game. Mario Kart is, after all, a very silly version of racing, what with the power-ups, the shells, the other items, the ******* powersliding, and so on. It’s as far from real racing as a chimp is from a squid. That’s weird, I wanted to do something sports-related. Just Dance 2015 was just waiting there for me. So I went ahead and played a couple songs… and then went on to try playing the old Wii Sports game again. Because I’d rather play video games than do real sports.
Oh, no worries there, it’s still fun aplenty. Sure, compared to everything else people have come up with for the Wii, it’s far from impressive. But still very enjoyable for a quick bowling match, or to hit a few balls. Maybe even a tennis match, if you’re in the mood. Or perhaps would you prefer to play golf? For maximum enjoyment, also try out the Training section!
Anyway, the game, which was shipped with the Wii for a couple of years, soon found itself outclassed. Then came the idea of MotionPlus Wii remotes. Those little blocks were originally plugged into the remote and were supposed to ameliorate the movement detection. As a result, the later Wii remotes all contained MotionPlus when you bought them. And I can understand why; who doesn’t like it when the remote works even better than before? However, when the MotionPlus thingy was put on the market, we ended up with a few games that specifically required it; as a result, you couldn’t play these games with the old remotes. It's the case for today's game.
As for Wii Sports Resort itself, just admit it: The original Wii Sports had only five sports, and you could get tired of it pretty fast. The "series" desperately needed a new installment, one that expanded on the idea of Miis playing sports for fun, one that would offer a larger selection of sports, with achievements, variations… Nintendo of Japan didn’t even wait for us to ask. And indeed, we received. Wuhu Island is waiting for you. Let’s dive right in… Wii Sports Resort!
AAAAAAAAH! I didn’t mean it literally! The first thing your Mii does in this game is landing on Wuhu Island… by skydiving! In that minigame, you must control your character’s freefall by twisting the Wii remote in your hand, keeping it stable to slow down the descent or pointing it down to accelerate it. You must also try to hook with as many freefalling Miis as possible, then put on your best smile for a Mii photograph. You get points for every Mii you touched before the picture. The freefall ends after a bit (where your Mii has to fall through circles of other Miis), and you get a score. There you are: Wuhu Island! A world of myths, of ecosystems, of happy people, of village people (No, not the “YMCA” guys), of great sportsmanship! There’s a legend about the place being alive, but you know how rumors spread around. No one in their right mind would believe that a location can be alive!
…but then again, in the world of fiction…
That’s pretty much where the plot ends, as the rest of the game is just playing sports at your leisure. Before going to the sports menu, you can leave the title menu running and see the last things your Mii (and others) have done in Wii Sports Resort. A fun little cutscene where the last Miis used to play are together, shaking their hips to the music, as the last matches played and the latest earned achievements scroll on the screen. Neat.
-Swordplay: Duel, Speed Slice, Showdown. Just be thankful they’re not playing with real swords, or Mii heads would be rolling!
-Wakeboarding: Or how to swing on the sea. …Not that way, you dirty mind.
-Frisbee: You either play on a beach, tossing it to a dog, or you’re tossing it on golf fields, trying to get as close to the hole as possible. Please do not combine the two. Dogs don’t like being thrown on golf fields.
-Basketball: You can choose between the 3-Point Contest (trying to get as many basketballs into the net as possible) or a 3-VS-3 match called Pickup Game. No cheating with taller Miis!
-Table Tennis: A 1-on-1 Match, or a Return Challenge.
-Golf: Still the same, though now you have two sets of nine holes to try out. Ironically, the golf courses aren’t located on Wuhu Island; rather, they’re on a smaller island, a little far from Wuhu, and it’s a place for golf only. I imagine it as the place where uptight businessmen and other rich people go, because they only want to play golf. Well, at least they’re nice enough to lend the golf courses to the people of Wuhu Island…
-Bowling: You can choose between the Standard 10-pin Game, the special 100-Pin Game (this one’s great!) or the rather annoying Spin Control.
-Canoeing: Try a Speed Challenge, or go against someone else in a VS race. Arguably one of the more tiring sports, but still very fun. (19)
-Cycling: Pick between Road Race (Hey! Put down that crowbar! I said “race”, not “rage”!) or VS. (21)
-Air Sports: You can go skydiving again, in case you didn’t do too well the first time (that’s what happens when you get thrown directly into the action, without so much as a tutorial to help!), or you can do an Island Flyover, where you must explore every single part of the island in your own personal plane. That, or you can enter a Dogfight against another player. (24)
Once again, Wii Sports is great to play alone, but it’s even better to play it with friends. Among those 24 events, there’s only one mode that cannot be played with friends, and it’s Island Flyover. In fact, consider that one as a “Story Mode” of sorts. Not because it’s a story, but because it forces you to explore every portion of Wuhu Island. I’ll take a more complete look at it in Part 2.
|The dog is already a Pro. He just doesn't care.|
Fun fact: My parents and I have all gone Pro at bowling, because that’s pretty much the only sport they both want to play when we have a Wii family gaming evening. My mother will sometimes try cycling, basketball, archery or ping-pong, but that’s it.
|After you went skydiving, powercruising and wakeboarding,|
table tennis just looks boring.
That is… until you notice said achievements. They’re not easy to notice, since they can be viewed only before you start playing the sport minigame (that little “Press A to begin” screen), but they’re there. Only five achievements per sport (including the distinctive forms of each, like the three different forms of swordplay, the three different forms of bowling, etc.). But trust my word: Those five achievements are hard as Hell to get. Oh sure, with some perseverance, you might be able to get one, maybe two, even three on each sport if you’re really good. But the hardest achievements are insanely difficult to get. Scoring 300 points at bowling? That’s hard. Scoring 3,000 points at 100-pin bowling? I don’t think I’ll ever achieve that. Seriously, some of these achievements are crazy. Don’t play this game with the goal, in your mind, to go Pro in every single sport and get every achievement. Well, going Pro in some sports is reasonable. Trying to get one or two achievements in every sport is reasonable. Getting everything is almost impossible. …On second thought, drop the “almost”. Nothing stops you from trying… but you’ll probably give up.
And you’ll probably give up for physical reasons, too. I appear to have been forgetting this so far in the review: This game can be downright exhausting. Really tiring for the arms. In all fairness, I actually like Wii games that make you feel tired after a while. It’s like an alternative to actual sports. …Some people will disagree, but I think I just said something stupid. As you might also guess, not all the sports in this game are so tiring. Still, after you spend a while playing any sport in this game, you might start feeling exhausted. The game even encourages you to take breaks every once in a while!
|If your arms hurt while canoeing, perhaps you would be|
tempted to attack the poor lil' duckies. Please don't.
There’s still quite a bit to discuss about this game, so I’m going to add a second part to this review and cover everything else this Monday. I’ll be looking at the “progression” sports, the Island Flyover sport, and make a short list of my least favorite sports, before going back on all my points of criticism. Be there Monday for Part 2!