Continuing from Part 1, we’re about to jump into…
Chapter 2: The Mystery of Dry, Dry Ruins
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| Hey, it's Mario who does the stomping here! |
Mario returns to Toad Town, now accompanied by Goombario, Kooper and Bombette. You know, I’ve always seen parties of characters in turn-based combat RPGs as teams that would probably be awesome to watch in situations where they’re not bound by turn-based mechanics. With Mario as the leader, and everyone contributing their abilities, they could be an unstoppable team of heroes! Alas, that’s not how it works.
Oh yeah, and on the way back, they encounter Jr. Troopa again. The little shit has learned a new skill, where he becomes impervious to some attacks by hiding in his shell. Ah, I hate that kid. I vote to nickname him Little Shit for the remainder of the review. Anyone opposes the motion? No? That’s settled. He IS a nasty little bully, I consider the nickname appropriate.
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Alright, time to gear up before we go out to
find our next Spirit. |
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Alright, alright, I'm here, you can stop
badge-ring me about them now. |
The southern section of Toad Town is now open, leading to the train station that goes to Dry Dry Desert. It also opens a lot of areas: A handful of side-quests you can begin to pursue as well as a lot of bonus content, which I’ll need to cover at some point here. In the meantime, we can jump on the train (after using Bombette to blow up a rock blocking the tracks) and head to the Dry Dry part of the world. Shortly after arriving, we bump into Parakarry, a perpetually-unlucky mail-delivering Paratroopa who lost three letters across Mount Rugged. We fetch those for him and he happily joins the party. Hey, we needed him anyway – one bridge is out with no way to put it back up, and Parakarry’s ability is to carry Mario across small gaps.
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| This guy is no Indiana Jones. |
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Slow down, Mario, you're outspeeding
your mailman buddy! |
We get to the tent of Professor Kolorado, famous archaeologist and the butt of every bit of physical comedy the game will want to throw at someone who isn’t in Mario’s party. This guy never gets a rest. Mario was told that the second Star Spirit was hidden in Dry Dry Ruins, and Kolorado is also looking for treasure in said ruins, so Mario elects to lend a hand. The desert is a 7X7 grid of screens with annoying enemies such as Bandits and Pokeys, but Mario soon makes it through and reaches Dry Dry Outpost, where he eventually learns the location of the ruins after a quest that involves giving items to a shady-looking mouse, whose boss knows the secret location of the Ruins. At the end of that quest, it turns out that this very same mouse is the boss we had been looking for, meaning this was complete and utter filler.
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At least we got a cool cutscene out of it when
the temple rises from the ground. |
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Who to beat up: The crazy Koopa, or his pet
steel ball? |
The mouse gives us a stone that detects the location of Dry Dry Ruins in the desert, so we use it to find the exact screen the ruins are in, and open the way. Some tough enemies are found in there, and there’s a bit of a puzzle element to the dungeon. It ends on a confrontation with Tutankoopa, who uses pet Chain Chomps to battle while keeping itself higher so as to be impervious to some attacks. That would include Mario’s hammer, but he found a badge in the ruins that allows him to create earthquakes with his blunt weapon, as well as a stronger hammer that deals more damage to enemies, so Tutankoopa’s field advantage is diminished either way. Oh, and he’s also found a Badge that can let him stomp spiked enemies without any issue. We’re getting powerful here!
Upon being defeated, Tutankoopa drops the card containing Mamar, the second Star Spirit, before exiting stage left, pursued by a Chain Chomp. Mamar, when freed, grants Mario an additional bar of Star Power as well as a new move, Lullaby, which can put enemies to sleep.
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Princess Peach, snooping as... best she can
in this situation! |
When we return to Peach’s side of the story, something that will come at the end of every chapter, we see her sneak out with Twink again in order to find a way to help Mario. One thing the two can find is a chest that will send items to an identical chest somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom. The second thing they find is information overheard by Bowser’s mooks: Intel about the third opponent, Tubba Blubba, who’s allegedly invincible. Well, aside from a secret he seems to have…
Chapter 3: The “Invincible” Tubba Blubba
After returning to Toad Town, Mario can explore some more. He stumbles on a scared Toad being bullied by an elderly mustachioed Boo, who then addresses Mario; his master, Lady Bow, requests a meeting with him. Her castle, Boo’s Mansion, is on the other side of the Forever Forest, a tricky place in which it’s easy to get lost, and any misstep sends you back to the beginning. Sounds familiar? It’s similar to the Forest Maze from Super Mario RPG. Actually, a lot of elements here feel like homages to Super Mario RPG, quite possibly because Paper Mario was the second RPG ever in the Mario series; and as a result, in spite of its different mechanics and style, it took many cues from its predecessor. Some of which are more obvious than others.
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| No need to go shoe-shopping! |
Upon arriving at Boo’s Mansion, Mario learns that Lady Bow awaits him on the third floor. But for some goddamn reason, her group of Boos decides to test Mario with a handful of puzzles all over the mansion. Why. Just… why. Like, I know that RPGs often add padding between important scenes, but some of these feel so unnecessary. The only reason they’re around in games like Paper Mario is, I assume, so that Mario doesn’t miss out on critical upgrades to his skills. Can’t just give them to him; nope, he must earn them through mandatory quests within the main plotline.
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And then afterwards, because she'll enjoy
adventuring way too much. |
As an example, in this mansion, Mario finds new boots that give his stomps an extra point of damage on top of giving him a ground pound ability outside of battle that can be used to destroy wooden boards on the ground. Beats me why, the original hammer couldn’t; the upgraded hammer can’t; and yet, Mario’s ass can break wood!
Mario finally gets to Lady Bow’s quarters and she explains the situation: Tubba Blubba eats Boos! He’s a menace to her kind, and he must be defeated. She also decides to join Mario on this quest. Her main attack, Smack, hits an opponent 4 times (at first) in a row, dealing 1 damage each time. Useful against low-defense enemies! Her second ability, Outta Sight, turns Mario invisible and makes enemies miss when it’s their turn to attack. This winds up being vital against the hordes of enemies outside that have very powerful moves. Also useful outside of battle, to sneak past enemies and other forms of security.
Bow takes Mario to a Boo village in Gusty Gulch that’s missing multiple denizens. It’s a further run through a wasteland leading to Blubba’s Castle. In there, Mario goes through the various floors until he reaches Blubba’s room. In there, he finds a talking key that spills the beans about its purpose (which is to unlock the door to a windmill in Gusty Gulch that contains Tubba Blubba’s secret, his only weakness), before alerting the big guy to Mario’s presence. Crap!
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| Uh oh... Run! Run! |
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♪♫"Straight to the heart! And you're to-"♪♫
"Mario, shut it with your singing already." |
Mario hurries out, with the Boos trying to hold Blubba back for a bit, and flees to the windmill, which he unlocks. I hope he tears that talking key into pieces afterwards. He goes underground and discovers a talking heart. Tubba Blubba’s heart, which remote-controlled the empty shell from a distance, explaining the invincibility. Mario and his new ally beat up the heart, which flees and runs back into Blubba’s body, which had just arrived. Mario then battles the complete Tubba Blubba and beats him. The big guy starts crying and apologizing, releasing all the Boos he ate.
That’s when Bow admits that the Boos were scaring the poor guy and he was getting revenge on them once he became powerful. Really? Bow, with all due respect, if your kin is gonna act like bullies, y’all can go fuck yourselves. You were getting what was coming to you. You're lucky I had to help you to get the Star Spirit. Which I need to solve a conflict bigger than this. So you can tag along for the rest of the adventure, Bow, but I'm not a fan.
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Clearly they need to let her walk around freely
since they're so bad at keeping her in one place. |
With this, Mario frees Spirit #3, Skolar, who has the only offensive Star Spirit ability: Star Storm, which hits all enemies. Meanwhile, Princess Peach is once again trying to gather information by using the secret passageway – however, this time, she stumbles directly on Bowser and Kammy, who got news of Tubba Blubba’s defeat. They however know that Spirit #4 is hidden in Shy Guy’s Toy Box. They find Peach and, instead of getting mad, they ask her what Mario hates/fears. You can BS and reply with things that will actually help Mario.
Chapter 4: Trials in the Toy Box
Mario heads back to Toad Town going through Forever Forest, only to run into Little Shit again, who sprouted wings to be unreachable with hammers. I hate that little Koopa. Battle ensues, and Little Shit gets a spanking. The plumber and his friends then return to Toad Town, only to see it overrun by mischievous Shy Guys. You have to trigger every scene of a Shy Guy running off with some citizen’s item before you can proceed.
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Hey! That's Tayce T.'s frying pan! She needs
it to make my items better! |
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The Shy Guys have a plethora of forms and
strategies, so part of the interest in this
chapter is to see all the different forms that
these guys use. |
Stay in one empty house in the town and make Bow turn Mario invisible, and a Shy Guy comes in and reveals a secret passageway leading to a big box. The famous Toy Box, the Shy Guys’ domain. Okay, so the next “dungeon” is one I really don’t like. To get anywhere, you have to beat up Shy Guys and recover the items they stole, and then return that item to the corresponding person in Toad Town, meaning you have to do multiple trips back and forth. It gets worse once you add a toy train into that miniature world and have to travel between areas to collect more items, take them to Toad Town, get something important as thanks, return to the Toy Box, and so on, all the way to the end. God damn. There are slight perks to all this, but that doesn’t stop it from being annoying.
And, yes, you have to stop at every station, because these toy train tracks are utter crap and have to be repaired before you can proceed. Which utter incompetent designed this toy kit? Of note, you will encounter Gourmet Guy, an obese Shy Guy who requests a perfect meal so it’ll move its butt out of the way. Oh awesome, we’re being Snorlax’d here. Once the Shy Guy gets a slice of cake cooked by Tayce T. (more info on her later), it happily runs away.
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I'm afraid of making any commentary on this
character that could come across as fatshaming.
This Shy Guy is already a walking fat joke.
|
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Also of note, you get different replies from
Watt base on how you free her from the
lantern held by the ghost. |
Further into the box, Mario battles a ghost carrying a lantern; in this very clever fight, he cannot target the ghost for attacks while it stays in the dark, meaning he must instead attack the lantern to make it glow brighter, exposing the ghost, who'll later blow on it to diminish the light. It's an awesome idea. Upon winning, Mario frees the contents of said lantern – a baby Li’l Sparky. Remember those from SMW? Yeah, they’re sentient. This baby zappy girl is called Watt, and she can light up rooms for Mario. She has a secondary ability that reveals hidden things. Oh, and she’s pretty good in battle, as well.
Oh yeah, there’s also a singular Shy Guy in here called an Anti Guy, who’s more powerful than pretty much everything you’ve seen so far. He guards a chest, and if you can actually beat him, you get one of the best badges in the game. Good luck, though – he’s an optional fight for a reason!
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A thing that can deal up to 10 damage in one
hit at this point of the game, that's insane. |
This chapter ends in a fight against General Guy, who pilots a toy tank. He tries to send his forces in Mario’s direction, but they’re dealt with quick, with Watt’s abilities being particularly effective here. Beating this boss frees the fourth Star Spirit, Muskular, whose Star Ability is to reduce the attack of all enemies by 1 temporarily.
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Remark: Peach should be doing more
important things than baking a cake.
Joke: Cooking Princess! Now with
blockchain tech and bitcoin-mining! |
Like clockwork, we end this with the Peach moment; sneaking around her own castle, she walks into the dining room and encounters the Gourmet Guy, who promises to help if she bakes something for him. So we go to the kitchen, opening new areas of the Castle, and bake a damn cake. After tasting it, the Gourmet Guy screams in joy, runs around like crazy, and then happily reveals to the Princess the location of the next Star Spirit before bowing out: Lavalava Island. …Okay, I know it’s a contrivance for the sake of the plot, but how in the Heck could this guy know that?!? Anyway, the noise was bad enough to make Kammy Koopa investigate, and she finds Peach, who’s promptly brought back to her room, while Twink heads out once more to tell Mario where to go next.
Phew! This is almost exhausting. Say, how about we resume that in Part 3?
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