Movie Review: Coyote vs. ACME

Ha! Vindication with a side of schadenfreude! (As always, spoiler alert, just in case!)

Coyote vs. ACME would have been just the latest Looney Tunes movie had it not had its tumultuous existence. It would have been the latest attempt at Roger Rabbit-ing the Tunes into our world, albeit with a focus we've never had before. It doesn't sound like this production directed by Dave Green ran into many issues; its life after completion, however, is a different story. Warner Bros. and its CEO David Zaslav originally shelved the finished and ready film, planning to use it as a 30M$ tax write-off for the deeply indebted studio.

This was not the only movie to suffer this fate, with the other most-cited feature being Batgirl, which DC fans were piiiiissed to learn about. This only shed further light on WB's shady practices regarding finished products, as well as their complete disregard for existing products and properties. Like, say, that time they were seen filling dumpsters with pieces of physical movie history, studio assets, and other elements of marketing.

Through some goddamned miracle, the movie I'll talk about managed to escape this grim fate. Its distribution rights were purchased by Ketchup Entertainment, who also released The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie last year (I saw it, it's good too). And it was released to North American theaters on August 28th. I'm told not every theater could get it, and it may have a limited run considering Ketchup is an indie company, so it may not even stick around a full month, even in theaters where it did get released. Still, that it saw a wide release at all is cause for celebration.

Coyote vs. ACME currently sits at over 90% in both critic and audience scores on RottenTomatoes. To think we almost could have never seen this. I think it is funny that, between my review of Space Jam: A New Legacy (where I made one joke at his expense) and this feature's release, Zaslav announced his retirement from the role of CEO at Warner Bros. Good riddance. I should've been a lot nastier to the guy. However he is apparently coming out of it close to a fucking billion dollars richer, while WB has accumulated so much debt that it keeps trying to get re-bought by new companies, and then putting THOSE in debt by association! How much goddamn sense does THAT make?? Fucking golden parachutes, I swear.

So, uh, if you hate Zaslav and everything he stands for, maybe help by going out to see this movie in theaters and help it make way beyond the 30 mil$ it was supposed to give WB back? No, seriously. Even putting aside my upcoming review. I want it to make fuckin' BANK. That would be a statement.

This film is inspired by a 1990 short story from The New Yorker, an epistolary (look at me today with the big words) tale told entirely through a reprinted court document detailing the proceedings of a lawsuit. In said document, Wile E. Coyote, the forever Road Runner-hungry supergenius, takes ACME to court over the repeated and demonstrable failures of their toony products. This being a 100-minute movie, you can imagine it takes things a fair bit further!

The story

Quick Review: Distrust

Don’t. Fall. Asleep. Or do; you gotta rest eventually. But beware…

The cold is already biting at my face.
Are you sure we can't stick around the helicopter fire?

Distrust (often completed with the subtitle Polar Survival) is an isometric survival/horror roguelite game developed by Cheerdealers, published by Alawar, and released on August 23rd, 2017. At the start, you choose two characters among several playable options, all but two of which must be unlocked by playing through the story mode. Your two characters are part of a rescue mission sent to an army base on an especially cold Arctic night. However, the helicopter crashes following a strange light appearing in the cabin. Only your survivors remain. The base’s inhabitants are gone; something happened here. Gotta figure out what, and then come out of this alive.

She's freezing, she's exhausted, and she has a cold. Surely it
cannot be wors- Oh great, what's that weird noise outside?

Your characters have three basic needs: Warmth, stamina, and satiety. It’s cold out there, so equip them with the best winter jackets you can find. Buildings are cold, so you better stock up on wood and fill those furnaces to recover some body heat. They contain generators for electricity and lights, and those may need refilling with gas – but you’ve got limited reserves there as well! Satiety simply means that the characters need to eat. Can’t find food? You’ll be in trouble soon enough. Coffee beans and cigarettes don’t count. And rancid pasta might fill the void, but it can make the character sick instead. Then, there’s stamina. The longer they go, the more tired the characters become. You can give them a short energy boost with foods, but eventually they WILL need to sleep.

This all ties together with their base health, which will whittle down by 1HP every few seconds if either of these stats is completely depleted. Hypothermia, exhaustion and hunger are no joke. Characters can still hurt themselves during tasks, or poison themselves with bad food! And they can even suffer from various forms of insanity once their health gets low! A character whose HP hits 0 falls into a coma, leaving the other(s?) to revive them with an adrenaline shooter. And those are rare. 

Pasta past the expiration date? Uncooked veggies? Nah,
I'll have the candy, it's not a headache like the rest.

Do we have anything to deal with that monster?

Let’s say your team is overdue for a rest. Find a bed, sleep in turns, good. But something strange happens. Monsters start popping up around the buildings. Research papers in the area reveal that these things appear when people sleep. While one is sleeping, the other must hold the fort against whichever new threat has arisen. Good thing they share their inventory! Each enemy has different weaknesses and can inflict a different type of harm, though you can find info on these entities before encountering them.

"Help me out a little here! I'm shoveling!"
"No can do one task per person, the game says so."

The fact that your characters must survive with what they find turns this horror/survival game into a unique roguelite. Each member of the playable roster brings their own skill; as an example, the first woman loses satiety more slowly than other characters, so she needs to eat less often. Make use of those skills to survive not just the cold night and the monster encounters. The other roguelite staple is that there are six zones, each new one harder than the previous; and each one has a puzzle to solve. However, the puzzles won’t be in the same order from one run to another; be prepared for anything.

You unlock the third character through playing Challenge
Mode. And finding a secret ending. Your reward is: A
harder time keeping enough resources for everyone!

Ugh, unlocking doors takes FOR-E-VER. And there are so
many damn locked doors. You could pick the lock, or break
the door with a crowbar instead - but you risk wasting
those items' health before you really need them.

Tools are necessary for specific actions – but they break after too many uses, and though some can be repaired, their materials can be hard to find. Besides, you might prefer to keep your wood for warmth. Later zones get harder, with snow blocking doors, windows having to be closed (who opens windows in the ARCTIC WINTER??). And the monsters get stronger and harder to deal with… Some monster-killing mechanics aren’t explained well, like the trap that is said you can just drop to the floor to catch a specific electric monster. In general, it feels like past the second zone, you spend too much time dealing with constantly repeating annoyances, all to further slow your progress. Characters can even start suffering from mental afflictions when their health gets low! The isometric view makes navigating each zone even more confusing. Finally, completing some objectives or rescuing someon can lead to playing a party of three, requiring an even tighter control of resources.

Rebuildsing beds so we can sleep and... Dammit, a window
is open again! Who I repeat, opens windows in the Arctic?
It's not even the Arctic summer right now!

Great concept, the game is good, but super tough. Though that was to be expected from a roguelite, really. You get better as you learn its intricacies, this comes with the territory. It’s not a scary game, even if the theme is horror-ish. Co-op options are included, as well as two difficulty levels (Adventure and Challenge – as if the base game wasn’t tough enough). Perhaps the worst thing I can say about this one is just how often you’re left with not much to do while either character is fiddling with keys to unlock a door, completing a long task, or cooking food. I know the waiting exists to waste stamina, warmth and satiety, but it’s still tedious down the line. And the random nature of a roguelite means a high chance of not finding what you need, when you need it.

Distrust is available on Steam for 12.99$ USD.

Quick Review: Disney Speedstorm

Ready your wallets – I mean, your wheels – because you’re gonna be spending – I mean speeding – through the long, hard cash – I mean tracks – of the Disney universe!

I’m telling right off the bat what my review angle is gonna be, huh.

Mickey Mouse, ready to race! And leave everyone else
in his dust! (Unless you change to another racer!)

Disney Speedstorm is a creation of Gameloft released on April 18th, 2023. This free(mium) game is about Arbee, an A.I. that exists in an arcade and which has grown fond of many Disney properties (including Pixar and the Muppets). It decides to create a racing game of its own to bring all these heroes, villains, and other supporting characters in one place… where they can then put on modern racing gear, no matter which time period they’re from, and then duke it out on the racetracks. At time of writing, the game contains 131 characters from 39 universes, with the most recent additions in Season 21 being from Encanto.

I hadn't thought about it, but then I remembered I should
probably censor the usernames of other racers.

I’m playing on PC and keyboard, where W is to accelerate, A and D to go left and right, the left Shift key to make the car jump, and the Spacebar to drift. Taking a page from Mario Kart (then again, which mascot racer doesn’t?), racers can grab boxes on the track, obtaining items to help against the opponents; item skills can be activated with the Up or Down arrows, with some items having different effects depending on what you press (as an example, a bomb that you can toss forward to hit someone ahead, or drop behind you to hit someone getting too close; or flames that can either form a barrier around the racing car, or leave a fiery trail behind it). Racers can run over speed pads, which gives them a boost and fills a gauge at the top of the screen. When it’s full, you can press Crtl to activate a longer boost.

Race variants, team racing, solo racing, and so many events
going on at any moment. All to keep you lured in, right?

You can customize both the racers’ outfits and the karts. However, the more interesting aspect here is how you can level up the characters and give them stat increases through stars. All characters have their own “Racer Shards” (you need to collect 10 of a racer’s shards to unlock them) and start at 0 stars. When you have enough Shards for a racer and enough Tune Coins collected, you can spend some of both to make that racer gain a star fragment, five of which are needed for a whole star. With each fragment, that racer’s stats get small boosts – these can add up to make that character increasingly fearsome on the racetrack, but they get costly. After you’ve given a character a full star, they go up a rank, and you can give them crew members that give small stat bonuses during races as well. Crew members also have their own shards. Phew!

Look at this, he's in a racing game! He's wearing clothes!

The game plays great, looks amazing, and features high-energy remixes of famous Disney songs. The wide selection of characters is good (though unlocking them is a long, tedious, often luck-based process), and they all have their own special skills to unlock and use. And if you’re struggling to win races in Solo Mode, you can play in Team Mode instead, where you’ll be paired with two other players and your cumulative team score will determine whether you win or lose a race. Then of course there are plenty of season events to take part in, and many more sections, like the World Map and an Adventure Road (though in both cases, some levels require owning and/or using specific characters and being at specific racer levels), as well as a plethora of classic freemium stuff like daily missions, seasonal missions, a bit of free stuff every day, etc. You probably know the drill already.

Quick Review: Cat Quest

It’s Cat-astrophic! Okay, brace for cat puns, because this game has them all.

The start of a great... uhhh... cat-venture?

Cat Quest, developed by The Gentlebros, published by Kepler Interactive and released to Steam on August 8th, 2017, begins on a tragedy. Two cat siblings are on a boat at sea when it is attacked. A darklord kidnaps the sister and destroy the ship, leaving the brother for dead. However, a helping guardian spirit named Spirry comes to the cat’s rescue and lands him safely on the beach of Felingard. A glowing mark behind the kitty’s head identifies him as a Dragonblood, of a legacy of dragon slayers. Well, that’s good, because our enemy, the nasty Drakoth, seems to be quite fond of summoning dragons. I guess we’ll just deal with those, and then with him, if that’s what it takes to rescue our sister!

Wham! That's no clawing but it will do the trick either way.

This adorable action RPG begins easy enough – on PC, you slash your sword around with the left-click button. Over time, you will obtain magic; up to seven different skills, of which you can have four equipped at a time. You can assign them to number hotkeys or use them with the right-click button (which opens a wheel with the skills at four ends, and you drag towards the skill to use it). The cat can dodge-roll with the Space bar. As you defeat enemies, you gain EXP to level up, and Gold which can be used to upgrade your magic skills or get new equipment.

It's not rare for quests to make you level up pretty much
instantly once you finish them.

Hat, Armor, Weapon. That's all you need.

You can find equipment in dungeons and caves around the map; if you find something you already own, that item gets an upgrade to level and stats instead. Across the map, you can stop at towns for a quick catnap refilling your HP and mana; these also save your game. These towns have bulletin boards with plenty of quests you can take on, solving various townskitten’s problems and learning more about that world. Every quest comes with rewards in XP and Gold, and you can level up fast through those. Still not enough? You can choose to visit any cave across the map, kill everything inside and loot the treasure chests! Quests and caves come with a recommended minimum level – which you can disregard, if you’re feeling brave.

Yes, we're walking on water. Don't question it. It gets better;
we can learn to fly later. As for this ice dragon? Aside from
sword slashes, it can do both ice and thunder attacks.

Whoom! When the sword isn't mighty enough, the
fire, thunder, ice, whatever, spells save the day!

The combat system is simple, simplistic even; enemy attacks are represented by red marks, be they circle or arrows. You can attack, then dodge to safety with the right timing. Your mana remains low, and spells cost from 2 to 5 MP to cast; however, you regain 1 MP each time you slash at an enemy with the basic attack. Thus, many late-game battles follow the pattern of “Use all your MP on spells, play slash-then-flee to refill the gauge, rinse and repeat”. The spells you learn are the same you’ll see enemies use against you.

When you beat the story, you unlock a Mew Game+ (Gosh, the puns in this game) with modifiers to make the game harder. Stronger enemies, keeping the Dragonblood at Level 1, and/or forbidding any equipment. Yes, I said “and”; you can stack these. Good luck.

Lots of bonus bosses, too, if you're willing to fight them.
That one was tough as all Heck.

It’s a good, fun game. The main quest is interesting and takes advantage of every comedic opportunity it can take – such as by slipping a cat pun every other sentence. The plot is mostly lighthearted. It’s not a hard game – Game Overs are a slap on the wrist where you merely respawn where you last saved, and keep all the equipment, experience and money you’ve obtained before dying. The game looks nice and has good music, and though its combat system is simple, it does offer some level of strategic planning (mainly in terms of spell loadout). There’s a lack of variety in gameplay (as most quests get resolved through fighting enemies/bosses or exploring caves), and you are left to level-grind whenever you realize that you’re too weak for the next mission or story beat, but for a game so short, I think that’s excusable.

Cat Quest is available on Steam for 12.99$ USD. It’s got two sequels too, if you try the original and like it!

Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time (Part 3)

Crash Bandicoot 1 – 2: Cortex Strikes Back – 3: Warped!

4: It’s About Time (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3)

Back where it all started... But it's not exactly gonna
go the same way.

Assorted Annoyances

This is the kind of game where, if you are not focusing
on getting Gems, you will have a hard time, but it will
be doable. My mistake was trying to go for the All Crates
Gems every time I entered a level.. and suffering a lot
because of it. In my defense, I thought it wouldn't be
that bad, after playing the previous games!

You know what, let’s get the annoyances out before the finale. So, this game is… Well, I have already brought up the difficulty. I think I haven’t made it clear yet. Dying 20 times per level? That was at the beginning. The closer to the end I got, the bigger that number got. It wasn’t rare to die upwards of 50 times in a level’s first go-through, as I discovered, one painful mistake after the other, all the ways in which Crash/Coco/Tawna/Dingodile/Cortex could die. It is, by no means, the only tough platformer I’ve played all year, but it is among the hardest I’ve ever played – and, honestly, I think it might be the hardest I’ve pushed through, all the way to the end credits.

I remember hating the "Run on walls" parts. If your momentum
is stopped, you fall and die. And these parts love to put crates
in your way, so you have to break them. Oh! And combine
that to the gravity shenanigans in later worlds, too! Ugh.

I know I said that the original three Crash games had cruel platforming moments; I found that out as I was discovering them through the N. Sane Trilogy (though, as has been mentioned, the remasters aren’t entirely identical to their originals, which I haven’t really played). In comparison to Crash 4, Crash 1 through Warped! feel like a goddamn walk in the park. And I think a part of that might be caused by Crash 4’s own excesses. The levels are too long, several levels have too many crates, every instance with a Quantum Mask throws something new at you…

A lot fo bonus stages are all about using your abilities at
very specific moments and slapping steel ! crates in
what order, and when, for a chance to destroy every crate.
I miss the simplicity of the average Crash 1-through-3
Bonus Stage.

Speaking of crates, Bonus levels make a return. They keep the system from the remasters: If you die in them, you don’t lose a life, and the Bonus level transporter counts as a free Checkpoint. But! In the remasters, they were generally easy. Well, no more. Bonus levels in It’s About Time decided, “you know what? The player doesn’t lose lives playing these, so fuck it, we’re gonna be insanely hard!” In an utterly brutal game, these manage to be even worse. They often require use of the Quantum Masks, and are designed like puzzle platformers. You must figure out the right path, often backtracking both ways, to break every crate, and in what order, as there is sometimes only one correct “answer” to catch everything. And! Let me remind you that these bonus levels are mandatory, because their crates still count within their level’s total! Can’t figure it out? Tough shit!

Making things phase in and out, including barriers that can
get in your way, while you are also running on walls and
carefully timing your jumps. It's... a little much.

After a while, Crash 4 starts to feel more like a puzzle platformer than just a platformer. In fact, I know I have seen or played games with the exact mechanics brought forth by the Quantum Masks – but usually they aren't all in the same product. Making things appear and disappear to progress? Seen it. Messing with time? Seen it. Gravity shenanigans? Seen it! Hell, even ‘Akano’s ability involves some degree of knowing when to turn the special spin on or off. At the end, you must often adapt to using the masks interchangeably within the same level… or, in the very final stretches, one after the other in quick succession. Crash 4 is basically 4 puzzle platformers in one Bandicoot-shaped trench coat.

Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time (Part 2)

Crash Bandicoot 1 – 2: Cortex Strikes Back – 3: Warped!

4: It’s About Time (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3)

A new ally? And more coming? Things are about to get interesting.

Super-Spinning, Magic Potions, and Funny Costumes

At the end of Salty Wharf, the group finds the second Quantum Mask, as confirmed by Lani-Loli. The new guy is named ‘Akano and he represents dark matter. Though he doesn’t say much, he packs quite a punch.

This is not flying, this is spinning with style!

The next dimension we visit is Tranquility Falls, which looks like a fantasy land. Spyro could live here! The enemy wanting a rematch with our heroes is N. Brio, whose chemical concoctions can do so much they might as well be magic. This world is our first use of ‘Akano. This mask’s ability is a powered-up spin, not unlike an ability gained in Warped!. Unlike the regular spin, it is triggered by pressing the X button (like all mask abilities), and will make the Bandicoot spin and as long as you haven’t pressed X again to cancel it. While spinning through this method, Crash and Coco’s jumps become very floaty, giving them extra reach, and they will instantly destroy any breakable crates they touch. This can be a double-edged sword since the heroes still get hurt if they spin into TNT and Nitro crates.

Ah yes, Legally Distinct Big Green Angry Smasher Guy.

At the end of this world, we square off against N. Brio, and this fight begins similarly to the one in Crash 1 and its N. Sane Trilogy version. In the second round, Brio drinks his own potion and becomes a hulking brute that attacks directly. To damage this form, we need ‘Akano, as the boosted spins are the only thing that can knock Hulkbrio off-stage and hurt him.

Gotta tough out the sonar-style chase sequence.

After N. Brio is defeated, we unlock the N. Verted Mode. It opens a new version of every level beaten so far; and for every subsequent level, an N. Verted version is unlocked after beating the original. A few things change in this new challenge; for starters, Wumpa fruits are replaced by… Grape-like Berries! Gasp! The second is that the stage is horizontally flipped; Bonus stages and 2D sections are crossed right to left, and all 3D areas are mirrored.

Oh, they still haven't learned to swim. They just don't
need to in the Sn@xx Dimension N. Verted.

Each N. Verted world has its own design twist that makes it trickier to navigate – as if they weren’t so goddamn hard already! As an example, on N. Sanity Island, the level will be made of silhouettes, and the place will go dark unless you periodically use the spin, lighting up the area like the ping of a submarine sonar. In Salty Wharf, the world starts in black and white, aside from crates and enemies; several actions will bring back the color, which will stick even if you die. The screwy design changes for the next world, and again in the next, and so on. One world ends up underwater, with all the screwy physics this implies!

Oh, and the Gems return, making for a possible total of 12 for every level; six normal, six N. Verted. Same requirements, too; the only difference is that the hidden Gem is moved to a different spot. Still, good luck getting them all – this takes the game's Gems total from 228 to 456! But hey, at least you can get some cool skins out of them.

Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time (Part 1)

Crash Bandicoot 1 – 2: Cortex Strikes Back – 3: Warped!

4: It’s About Time (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3)

After its first three installments, the Crash Bandicoot franchise seemingly hit a lull. Plenty of games came out, with some following the Mario Spinoff formula: Make ‘em race! Make ‘em go around a board and play mini-games! Platformers still happened amidst all these new concepts, with varying levels of quality. However, fans felt like there was no true return to form until the N. Sane Trilogy came out. This renewed vigor eventually led to the making of a new, proper, “official” sequel to the OG trilogy.

We're starting on known ground.
Don't worry, that's gonna change real soon.

And yes, I played and talked about the N. Sane Trilogy these past three weeks exclusively so I could have the necessary background to talk about this one. Fans had to wait 22 years after Crash Bandicoot: Warped! for it to come out. But Crash 4 finally did, with a release for PS4 and Xbox One on October 2nd, 2020, then to Switch, PS5 and XSXS on March 12th, 2021, then two weeks later on PC. You’ve already seen this game’s title at the top of this article, and it’s very tongue-in-cheek, considering the long time between this entry and the one that precedes it in the strange chronology of the Crash series. For the needs of this story, it acts like no new games happened between the franchise's third and fourth installments; you can bet they will make a joke or two about that. Well then! It’s about time we cover the conclusion of this epic! (…Unless a Crash 5 comes out eventually.) For the record, I am playing this one on Switch.

They’re Back

N. Tropy is a surprisingly much darker villain in this game
than just about any other enemy Crash has ever faced.

Following their defeat in Crash 3, Neo Cortex, N. Tropy, Uka Uka, N. Gin, and for some reason, N. Brio as well, are stuck in a place out of time. They’ve been stuck there for what feels like decades. (I mean… at least two of ‘em). Cortex keeps self-pitying over his repeated failures, while Uka Uka attempts to open a portal to get them out of this place and back to the world they desperately want to take control of. In a stroke of luck, the evil mask finally makes a tear through the fabric of reality that will allow them to return, but the task is so exhausting that it falls unconscious. The scientists opt to escape while leaving the commanding, nasty mask behind. In its place, Nefarious Tropy, the time master, takes leadership of the group. He’s already seeing far beyond full control of the world…

Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy: Warped!

Crash Bandicoot 1 – 2: Cortex Strikes Back – Warped!

4: It’s About Time (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3)

Finishing the trilogy today!

Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped!

This guy scares the biggest enemy we've had so far. That
usually means nothing good.

The game begins after the good ending of Crash 2 – the one you get by collecting all the Gems and beating Cortex again. The diminutive scientist’s space station explodes and crashes onto the planet, striking an old temple. Out of it comes an evil spirit known as Uka Uka; if you’ve played the rest of the N. Sane Trilogy, you may recognize this mask as the guy who threateningly says “Game Over” when you lose all your lives. Cortex has been working for Uka Uka this entire time, first by making the animals into smart but docile soldiers, and second by making Crash gather magical crystals. The evil mask was the one trying to enslave the entire planet all along. In an attempt to do it right this time, the mask summons a new, blue-skinned scientist with a clock theme…

Sounds important, I should listen to what Aku Aku is sayi-
Oh, the Bandicoots adopted Polar? Awwwwwwww!

And so we begin in the medieval era, with frogs that turn
into people if they kiss Crash, and lab assistants behaving
as if they were at the renaissance fair.

The wind turns on Wumpa Islands. Aku Aku immediately knows what’s up. The guardian mask of the islands (now voiced by Greg Eagles, whom you might know as Grim from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy) tells the Bandicoots about the villainous Uka Uka. He teleports the two to the Time Twister. This floating base owned by Cortex’s new scientist ally will allow the villains to hunt down the Crystals across past eras, since we’ve already found them all in the modern day. It’s up to Crash and Coco to get the Crystals (and the Gems) first, beating out their enemies. Oh, that’s it? We’re doing a Time Heist? Let’s go! I can't wait to see the endgame of that!

Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy - 2: Cortex Strikes Back

Crash Bandicoot 1 – 2: Cortex Strikes Back – Warped!

4: It’s About Time (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3)

Welcome back to this year’s anniversary reviews! Today, we’re moving to the next game in the collection!

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back

Uh oh. He's got a lightbulb moment, and that means
nothing good.

This story begins immediately after Crash 1. Neo Cortex was tossed from his zeppelin and is falling to the islands below. He survives the crash (pun intended) and finds that he has landed in an underground cave where he finds a crystal glowing a faint purple. He gets a new idea…

Turtle armadillo, doesn't matter; you're in my way!

Cut to a year later. Crash Bandicoot and his brainy sister Coco are chilling on their island when Coco’s laptop runs out of juice. Just the usual problem for her, really. And even though she’s playable here, no way she’s going to get a new battery herself! Nah, bro’s gotta do it. Crash thus embarks on this quest. But midway through the first level, he steps on a teleporter and gets abducted. He appears on a space station owned by Cortex and his new assistant, Dr. N. Gin. He is greeted by a giant hologram of Cortex’s face.

"You better not pull out your yo-yo while I am expositing,
Crash! Are you... Hey! I said put that away!"

I see it over there! Yeah. That's the point.
They aren't hard to find. At all!

Cortex says that, although they have been enemies before, he and the Bandicoot need to team up against an even greater threat coming from space – soon the planets will align, and the resulting energy might destroy the Earth. Cortex has found the Master Crystal that can put a stop to this; however, it needs several more “slave” Crystals to have enough power to prevent the catastrophe. the diminutive scientist claims he will need the physically capable mammal to collect 25 Crystals scattered around the world. Cortex will provide the means of teleportation, and occasional commentary on our progress.

Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy - Crash Bandicoot 1

Crash Bandicoot 1 – 2: Cortex Strikes Back – Warped!

4: It’s About Time (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3)

Yeeaaahhhh... I was not a fan. In fact, after playing today's
games, I might like Crash Purple even less.

I don’t know if anyone else reading this knows what the first game ever reviewed on this blog was, way back on July 19th, 2013. Well, it was actually a duet of games for the Game Boy Advance: Crash Purple: Ripto's Revenge, and Spyro Orange: The Cortex Conspiracy. This not-very-ambitious crossover had Crash and Spyro square against each other due to the machinations of their respective villains. The games, developed by Vicarious Visions were… shall we say… not that great. At best, they were tolerable 2D platformers that put much bigger focus on playing mini-games, of all things. Anybody that’s accustomed to Crash’s usual extra-tough 2.5D platforming or Spyro’s 3D platforming likely didn’t get their money’s worth.

Run! Ruuuuuuun!

I bring this up because I haven’t touched either franchise since. That review was 13 years ago. And even on Steam, when I got my hands on the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy and the Spyro Reignited Trilogy, it took me forever to even think of playing them. Well! I’m crossing one of these two off the bucket list for this year’s anniversary review. Maybe the other one next year? Who knows.

I also have Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time among the games I want to cover this year, and I have a little rule for myself: If I want to cover a game that isn’t the first in a series, but I own any that came before in that series, then I will want to cover those previous ones too if it matters. Might as well get this show on the road. I can call it a… Crash course across the franchise.

Also developed by Vicarious Visions, and published by Activision, the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy was released first to PlayStation 4 on June 30th, 2017, and to Steam a year later. It is comprised of remastered/remade versions of the franchise’s first three games, all of which were PlayStation games originally developed by Naughty Dog:

• Crash Bandicoot, released on September 9th, 1996;
• Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back, on November 6th, 1997;
• And Crash Bandicoot: Warped, on November 3rd, 1998. This would be the last proper entry for these platformers for about 22 years.

One game per year? Crash is a regular! …Well, not to this blog he isn’t! But I’m looking forward to correcting that. We’re starting this collection of games NOW!

Garry's Mod

Hoo boy, where to begin. Where indeed. There’s just so damn much to say about Garry’s Mod. Well… for starters, it’s not so much a video game as it is a physics engine that allows for an insane level of creativity on the part of its users. …Yeah, that’s the short version. I don’t think I can properly review this as a video game, as it really is more like a tool to create games… or to have fun putting items together and seeing how they interact. Unless the games made by its users count as the game itself. Anyway!

Developed by Facepunch Studios and published by Valve, Garry’s Mod was released on… November 29th, 2006. Almost 20 years ago. That makes it one of the oldest products in my Steam library. When this game came out, my French-speaking ass was still learning English in high school!

Everybody has to start somewhere. Me? I got myself
crushed by that tower. That's how I found out that we
still have HP during sandbox/construction...

Officially, this software was created by Garry Newman, a developer from Valve who worked on Half-Life 2. The original, titular mod was just that game with a few additions; but then this expanded into a full sandbox game comprising not only H-L2’s physics engine and assets, but also the assets of other games made with the Source engine. Notable ones include Left 4 Dead and Counter-Strike, as well as possibly the biggest name out of all of them, Team Fortress 2. The only requirement is that you own the other base games in your Steam library in order to access the assets.

If you ask me, the funniest thing about this article is that I took so long to get around to talking about Garry’s Mod that Facepunch Studios released a sequel in the meantime; S&box came out last April, roughly 19 and a half years after its predecessor. But let’s focus on Garry’s Mod, or as it is also known, GMod.

I could decorate a cozy home with this stuff.
Too bad this field isn't much of a house!

Full disclaimer here, I did play a few hours of this game in preparation for this article, but not dozens, so I obviously won’t have the experience of others who've spent hundreds of hours on it. Heck, this article will be less like a review and more of an informative thing. Though, it will have some of my impressions based on what I’ve tested. I wasn’t even sure whether I could cover this product correctly, it’s just a sandbox after all; as a result, expect this to be less about the game itself and more about what others have made from it. Honestly, I’m coming in so late to this that it’s probably the best I can do; celebrate how this program was used and how it left a mark in gaming history.