Demo Review 38: Pong Toss Pro

Release your inner frat boy with Pong Toss Pro! In this demo, only one option is available: Speed Pong. The others are all blacked out. Pong Toss Pro is a video game version of that game where you must toss ping-pong balls into cups of beer placed in a triangle. As for Speed Pong, you are playing against an opponent, and the first one to shoot in all the beer solo cups wins.

The demo doesn’t offer any other modes, but you can still pick between two different rooms and six different table styles, and you can choose to play as a guy or a girl. You can even pick between left- and right-handed!

The controls are simple, but still complex to master; you move left and right with the directional pad on the Wii remote, then you raise or lower the remote to adjust your throwing angle, then you make a quick movement to toss the ping-pong ball. Be careful, however, as certain solo cups contain power-ups (???????) that can either help you, or be a nuisance to the opponent. Note that said opponent can, too, activate these effects.

In my admittedly short playthrough of this demo, I was quite the failure. I never really got to aim too well to toss right in the solo cups. Meanwhile, my opponent was aiming like a pro, so much so that when it was down to one cup, I still had five or six. Or more. And that was the Easy mode! Long story short, I sucked at this game.

Then again, I’ve never been the frat type of guy. I didn’t like this one all that much, but there's a large number of options. I don't think this would be a good game... but if you want to give it a try, head down to the Wii Shop Channel.

♪♫Red solo cup, I fill you up, let's have a party....♪♫ Dammit, I don't even like country music!

Demo Review 37: Crazy Racers

So far, I’ve tried to be positive in this year’s demo reviews. Get ready, for this one I’m gonna be really angry.

Crazy Racers is a racing game. The title kinda gives that away. As we start the game and select the “Start demo” option, we’re told that the game requires the Nunchuk. Gee, couldn’t I have been told that earlier? I know it sounds like nitpicking, but every game tells us that the Nunchuk is required BEFORE it actually starts. Hell, YOU DON’T EVEN GET A TUTORIAL.

Since this is a demo, you’re thrown headfirst into the game. What’s that? You want to know how this thing is played? Suck it! You want to know what the characters are? Why would you care? You want to pick your character? Again, suck it! You want to pick a course? Tough luck, there’s only one!

The graphics are terrible. It looks worse than Nintendo 64 graphics. In fact, it looks worse than the fucking Anubis II game. Seriously. It’s ugly as Hell. Also, the track is awful, sometimes you can’t even tell where you’re supposed to go.

The controls are terrible. It’s Z to go forward, C to go backwards, and the Nunchuk’s joystick to go left and right… but guess what? If you so much as push a little too much either side, the car will skid and hit a wall! There’s no slight turning here… Nope, it’s a full 90 degrees left or right! That’s not driving, that’s skidding with style! I just can’t convey into words how terrible these controls are. Also, when you hit a wall, you waste some precious seconds just trying to go backwards so you can return to the track! Oh, and of course, when you hit barriers or walls, who knows, you may just fall victim of the horribly-programmed collisions, which means that your car will go through and fall in the water. And it also takes forever to return to the track after you’ve fallen in the water. And of course, staying on the track is nigh-impossible, and the patches of land on either side will slow you down.

If you somehow get an item and use it (by pressing A), nothing says that it’s going to help. I didn’t get a lot of items, though at least one of them proved useful in staying on the track. But even then…

This demo is a piece of shit. You want to see the terrible by yourself? Look it up on YouTube. Don’t even download the demo. It’s a waste of time. This is one of the worst games I have reviewed for Demo Reviews. Oh, also, the full version costs 1200 points. That’s 12 fucking bucks. I wouldn't want this thing for free.

God, what a fucking piece of shit.

Demo Review 36: ThruSpace

Oh hey, a spatial puzzle game! You can play this game with the Wii remote and Nunchuk, or with the Wii remote held horizontally. The options Normal, Endless, Trick Challenge and Keydron Challenge are all whited out, leaving nothing but Keydron Tutorial. In that section, only the first lesson is available, and six levels are open.

It’s simple: You are in control of a shape made of blocks, and walls located further have openings in them. The task is to pass through the opening. Kinda like that advancing wall game that used to be on TV. The second lesson teaches how to spin the shape 90 degrees horizontally to fit the shape into other holes by pressing the 1 button; and lesson #1.3 teaches how to spin the shape vertically, using the 2 button. Lesson #1.4 teaches how to spin the shape clockwise, by pressing the B button.

Lesson 2 is then unlocked, and it shows the player how to get combos in this game; the openings in the walls have little crystals in them; getting them increases your score, so getting multiple crystals in a row should be your main goal. The lessons here are all about these crystals. Once lesson 2 is complete, the Normal mode is unlocked. You have to be quick, you have to remember what each button does, you have to know exactly how to spin the block to collect crystals and fit tightly in the holes of each wall!

I’m not very good.

But it was rather cool. I don’t know what I can say about this one; the simplistic design really helps the concept, which is just as simple; but don’t be fooled, this is harder than it seems. You are allowed only two mistakes in Normal mode, so if you fumble to get the piece turning just the right way, you may waste some precious time and end up with the piece hitting a wall. So, what else is there to say about this demo? Nothing, really. That’s all there is to this game. If you like puzzle games, feel free to try it.

Demo Review 35: Fast Draw: Showdown

This game begins with live-action footage of a man explaining the Western tradition that is the fast draw showdown. Poor me, the only Western films I ever liked were the Lucky Luke animated films... and Blazing Saddles.

It’s a very simple game, but it needs ultra-quick reflexes if you so wish to have a chance to win. In this Demo, you first pick between a single player or two-player game, after which you can select a difficulty level… though, since this is only a demo, only the Easy difficulty is available. Afterwards, you’re treated to six different opponents. Each of them has their particular name, as well as a very important stat: How many seconds (and hundredths of seconds) it takes for them to pull out their gun and shoot. For some of them, it takes less than a freaking second. Sheesh, I'd hate to see the harder difficulties!

In each encounter, you must keep your gun in your holster (by keeping the Wii remote pointing down), and when the opponent is about to shoot, you have to be quicker than him: Raise the remote, aim and press B to shoot the guy!

Oh yeah, and did I mention that every scene in this game is live-action? Yes, every level is filmed like an old Western movie, with low-quality video and stuff. If you do manage to shoot an opponent, he will fall to the ground; but of course, you need to pull up your weapon before the opponent does so and then shoot, without really having the time to aim. And if the opponent aims and shoots before you, which is certain to happen at least once? He shoots through the screen and kills you.

…Nah, just kidding. The bullet appears to go through the screen, and you get the mention “Lost” on the results screen.

There are six encounters on the Easy difficulty, and possibly in every difficulty afterwards as well. When you win an encounter, the results screen indicates the seconds (and hundredths of seconds) you took to pull up your firearm and shoot. Since my first attempt at playing this game was rather pathetic (I won only two of the six encounters), I got a pitiful score and got told to try again. I mean, dammit, I’m not the man who shoots faster than his own shadow!

Should you try it? Well, maybe. I always tell you to try every single damn demo anyway. But if you feel like this one isn’t a thing you’d like, or if you don’t believe to have reflexes quick enough, don’t bother. Though it may be worth a try just to watch the live-action scenes. It gets pretty funny when you win.

On my second try, I got different opponents, and I also got 3 out of 6. Still not good, but slightly better.

Demo Review 34: Dart Rage

As the demo begins, only one choice is made available: “X01”. The others are Cricket, Poker and American… three options that I just won’t get to try today. After which you have the option to play in a lounge or a salon or a bar. The demo still offers the possibility of a 2-Player Mode; however, you cannot play a game with anything over 301 points. Why 301? That’s the score either player has to get to win, by tossing three darts each turn.

To toss a dart, you need to hold the Wii remote in your hand like a dart (pointing at the screen, with the hand under the remote, with the thumb on one side and every other finger on the other). You must then aim your dart, and when you’re ready just make a swift movement forward. The dart will hit the target approximately where you wanted it to go.

If you get a dart in a zone, you get the number of points for that zone. If you manage to get it in the outer red or green ring, you get double that score. And if you get it in the inner red or green ring, you get triple! The amount of points you get with each dart is then subtracted from the total, starting at 301. At the end, when both players have less than 20 points to victory, they need to aim for the zones with less points. You cannot go below zero, and if you hit a zone with more points than you have left, your turn ends and it’s the other player’s turn.

I was quite surprised to get the hang of it so quickly. Things went like a breeze afterwards. And I won! Well, I kinda HAD to win; I was playing against myself, it was pretty much impossible to lose.

The only real issue I had with this one was that it was always a two-player game, and yet it requires both players to pass around the Wii remote. What, was it too difficult to make it compatible with more than one remote? Whatever.

This demo was pretty enjoyable. It doesn’t offer much and you’ll probably not buy the full game, but I can say I liked playing. You just need to know how to point with the Wii remote. After that, you’re good to go. Try it! Try it, you hear?