 |
The lit path is probably a trap. |
This is it, the final
level. Spencer, Martha, fridge, Bethany and Alex have found the path leading to
the giant jaguar statue on the island of Jumanji, and it’s probably a trap. The
night has fallen, and the torches light up for them, highlighting a corridor
within the jungle. Spencer decides to cheat the path by climbing into the
trees, which is clever as his avatar, Smolder Bravestone, has climbing as a
strength, but early on he gets startled by a squirrel, falls onto the path, and
gets killed by a hungry jaguar. Good thing he still has one life left!
Oh crap. With this
turn of events, most members of the team are down to their last life. Spencer
panics and takes Fridge aside to tell him how afraid he is to face the dangers,
now that he has only one life, but Fridge reassures him. The two return to the
group, and with his knowledge of football and team strategies, Fridge devises a
plan that should allow the team to fight both the jaguars on the path and Van
Pelt’s men, who are coming.
 |
Martha is just killing mooks left and right!
That's okay, they're just programmed code. |
Spencer walks the main
path, with Alex as backup to serve as a distraction against the wild animals.
Bethany and Fridge go separate ways, but Bethany is captured by Van Pelt while
Fridge encounters the largest mammal on the land of Jumanji. As for Martha, she
sets up a radio and waits for Van Pelt’s goons, then proceeds to beat them up
while “Baby I Love Your Way” plays. Jumanji’s a good video game so far, but
it’s severely lacking when it comes to the soundtrack. 4/10. They could have
thrown in some Guns’n’Roses!
Her bio says “dance
fighting”, but really Martha is just really good at fighting while there’s
music playing, she’s not fighting while dancing. This game is bad at explaining
things! 3/10!
 |
Like wildfire. |
 |
"Give me the stone, or Professor..."
"Bethany..."
"...Bethany? ...Really??? ....of the Professor gets a bullet!" |
Martha is caught and
grabbed by one of the bike-riding mooks, all the way to Spencer who dispatches the goons.
After Martha frees herself, Spencer takes the motorcycle to hurry to the
statue. He’s soon chased by jaguars, but he traps them in a circle of
fire using a flamethrower. He reaches the giant statue, followed by Alex and Martha,
only to find Van Pelt holding Bethany at gunpoint, requesting the stone.
However, it’s not in Smolder Bravestone’s possession… it’s Franklin “Moose” who
has it. And in comes Fridge riding a freaking elephant. See? I told you!
Zoology is the most OP power in this world!
 |
ZOOLOGY POWAAAA! |
 |
Abusing the game's system to win?
Yes. All of the yes. |
Van Pelt’s jaguars
attack the elephant, and the ensuing scuffle causes Fridge to toss the stone.
It’s located higher, so Martha elects to go get it, while Spencer scales the
giant statue on his bike. Martha finds the Eye of the Jaguar, which landed in
the middle of a nest of poisonous snakes. She jumps around the snake-free areas
and reaches the jewel, but Van Pelt arrives to take it from her. She notices
that Spencer is almost at the top of the statue and remembers that she still
has two lives, so she stomps on a snake and gets bitten, exploding in blood
since venom is her character’s weakness. But! She respawns in the air, jewel
still in hand, and in her fall she hands it to Spencer, who just arrived at the
top of the jaguar statue. Smolder Bravestone sticks the stone where it belongs,
but nothing seems to happen… that is, until Bethany remembers that they have to
yell the game’s name.
JUUU-MAN-JIIIIIIII!
 |
"I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOOOOME! JU-MAN-JIIIIIIIII!" |
Gee, what a
narcissist, this game.
Also, they manage to
do that just as the sun rises on the island. The shockwave caused from this
victory makes Van Pelt explode into rats (somehow) and brings back the jungle to its
original lush state. On the morning, when the team is back together, Nigel
arrives in his jeep and thanks the group for saving Jumanji. Yeah, they did the
job that you seemed perfectly able to do in the first place, Nigel.
 |
Alright, alright, get us out of here, Nigel. |
 |
"It's good to be home; it's good to have hair again." |
The NPC gives a hearty
handshake to each of them. Alex simply shakes the guy’s hand and leaves. Bethany
tells her current anatomy goodbye, and Fridge nearly rips the arm off Nigel with how
hurried he is at getting his real body back. Spencer thinks for a moment of
staying in the game with Martha, so that they can remain “like this”, but she
tells him that they can be “like this” at home, and shakes Nigel’s hand.
Spencer leaves last, and they wake up, back in their own bodies, in the
detention room. Well, all but Alex. Going back to the boarded-up house, they
see that it has considerably changed; decorated for Christmas, clear and
lively, with happy people. The car that pulls up with a Christmas tree on top
is driven by a grown Alex, who was sent back to 1996.
 |
Of course he remembers them 20 years later. You don't just forget an
adventure like that one. ...all those hours of therapy... |
Okay, this is
something that has bugged me about the first movie, and bugs me about this one.
It’s been theorized that Jumanji seeks kids who need to learn things about
themselves. It puts them through these trials so that they can learn the
lessons they need. And both times, it either sucked in one or multiple people,
or brought things out into reality, endangering these kids – and sometimes others. And both times, someone gets sucked in for two decades or longer (Alan
Parrish in the first film was stuck in Jumanji for 26 years). So, let’s see…
This game with reality-warping powers puts people through mortal danger, rewrites
time and space over decades, not to mention its big ol' reset button, all to teach a handful of kids a lesson? Worst.
Teacher. Ever.
Also, in the original
Jumanji, the introduction lets us know that Alan had issues with his father and
was afraid of facing his problems, traits that he both worked on throughout
the film. The other characters also had issues they worked on when the board
game resurfaced 26 years later. And the four teenagers in the sequel, in 2016,
all had issues to work through and managed to do so while adventuring in the
Jumanji video game. We get time to know them before Jumanji ropes them in. We
don’t actually get that with Alex, at the start of this film. We don’t spend
enough time with him to see why he had to be sucked in. Which is especially bad, considering the consequences of that disappearance.
 |
And it's the teenagers who get to do the big Hollywood kiss. |
Now in 2016, Alex is married and has two children,
one of whom is a daughter he named Bethany to honor the girl who saved his life. The
other four teenagers have grown a strong friendship, with Spencer and Fridge
back as friends, while Bethany isn’t nearly as obsessed with her looks and
social media as she used to be. Oh, and Spencer and Martha become a couple.
Last but not least, they go back to the game console… and Fridge crushes it
with the bowling ball found in the detention room. Bam! And may you never come
back, stupid board/video game!
Roll credits, cue… Ah, there it is! Guns’n’Roses, I
was worried you’d never show up!
Well! That’s the movie. It’s a lot better than I make
it sound, really. It’s certainly a well-made movie, with great acting, great
special effects and a nice soundtrack. On the topic of the actors, the
“teenagers” of the movie play their roles quite well. I put that word between quotes
because, while the actors for Spencer, Martha and Bethany really were
teenagers, Ser’Darius Blain, Fridge’s actor, was 29 during production –
actually older than Karen Gillan, who plays Martha within Jumanji. Dwayne
Johnson, Karen Gillan, Kevin Hart, Jack Black and Nick Jonas offer very good
performances not as the characters they appear to be, but as the teenagers
embodying those characters as avatars. Dwayne acts all shy and scared, Jack
Black had the tone and mannerisms of a teenage girl at the ready… you get the
idea.
The special effects are almost absent from the film
for most of the real world scenes, which almost gives the film a made-for-TV
feel up until the four teenagers are taken into the game. I like the little
touches, such as the teenagers getting detention for valid reasons (I saw too
many high school stories where that isn’t the case). When the special effects
kick in, they’re very well-done. I like that the characters figure out the
details of their adventure as they go, such as how their lives work, how they
use their abilities, and how to progress. Although for a gamer, it sure takes
Spencer a lot of time to figure those things out for the rest of the team.
It’s also great that each member of the team grows
into a complete badass by the end. Spencer and Martha already had the
abilities, but use their smarts and wisely utilize the game mechanics to their
advantage. Fridge takes full advantage of his zoology skill, even
taming an elephant. Badass. Bethany is the first to lose a life, and is in the
least physically-fit body of the group, yet she doesn’t lose another life for
the whole duration of the game, merely gives one of them to Alex later.
Speaking of, Alex becomes a badass too when he chooses to help the team, and
does so spectacularly even though he only has one life.
As much as I do enjoy the story, I have slight gripes
with it. Like I said, this Jumanji adventure doesn’t feel quite as crazy as the
original Jumanji, in part because the original was so creative and had so many
different threats for the heroes to overcome. Here, it feels a tad bland as the
main threat is a psychopath, his henchmen, and whichever animals he has control
of. It’s also pretty different in that this time around, the kids facing the
game are given talents and abilities, along with extra lives to fight off the
threats. These characters have obtained from the video game the talents to be
awesome, while the characters of the original had no such advantage, which
dramatically increased the stakes.
The story does take a chance at highlighting and
mocking multiple video game tropes, but even there the jokes remain fairly
tame. It pokes fun at the limited and often silly information players get, at
the lack of responses from NPCs, and so on. It also notes the tendency for
games to do fanservice, but doesn’t really expand on that commentary. Multiple
missed opportunies, in my opinion. It does have moments of brilliance, such as
the path Alex uses to bring the others away from the Bazaar leading into an
empty area, like a secret place. And of course, it’s great when the characters
get a hold of their abilities and use the situation to their advantage, in the
climax mostly. By the way, this game would be terrible to play. Jumanji is a
bad dev.
And like I mentioned earlier, what was it that Alex
had to learn through his experience in Jumanji, which led to him getting stuck
there for twenty years? The prologue isn’t long enough to explain this. The
other four teenagers get a reasonable amount of screen time showcasing the flaws and character traits they need to work on, before getting
sucked into the game.
But overall, I did enjoy the film. I recommend it.
Arguably, the original film is not a necessary watch to understand this one,
but it does help a lot in setting up the extent of the board game’s abilities,
what it can do. Is it better than the first? Honestly, I don’t know, because
they are so different. As a sequel, this film expands on the “mythos” of
Jumanji, by doing its own thing rather than copying what we saw in the original.
Perhaps not every change is perfect, but it’s a good attempt at putting a new
spin on the formula, as a sequel doing exactly what the original did would not
be seen as very creative. Good work there.
And hey… who knows, maybe this means we can have a
Zathura sequel now! Give me this, Hollywood.
Next week… something else.
Meanwhile,
join the Planned All Along Discord!
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