Quick Review: Turnip Boy Robs A Bank

The continuing adventures of budding criminal Turnip Boy!

"Is it for a deposit?"
*cocks firearm* "No, it's for a withdrawal."

Developed by Snoozy Kazoo, published by Graffiti Games and released on January 18th, 2024, Turnip Boy Robs A Bank is a direct continuation of Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion, which I already reviewed! Very shortly after the crazy events of the previous game, Turnip Boy gets hired by a criminal pickle to assist in the biggest heist in the history of this world of sentient foods: Steal the Motherlode from Stinky Onion’s Botanical Bank!

This new game plays similarly to its predecessor: You run around with the arrows, and aim and attack with the mouse. Turnip Boy can also trip to go safely through lasers. You beat up enemies with a sword and a firearm, explore the surroundings and progress through the bank’s rooms.

Tripping through lasers. What a graceful veggie.

We’re trading the Legend of Zelda-inspired gameplay of the previous entry for a roguelite. Only one dungeon, but there’s a catch: After a few minutes have passed, Stinky will call waves of cops that get more and more dangerous, so you must dash back to the truck you broke into the bank with. As a result, you can only get so far each time you enter.

Oh yeah, the black turnip that's crying blood?
Very trustworthy. Nothing to report here.

This roguelite is more narratively driven than average for the genre. The map is always the same, and you will go through the main plot beats in the same order. Sometimes, you’ll encounter a roadblock, forcing you to return to home base and buy something there on the “dark web” (C4, a pickaxe, a... body pillow?) that will deal with the hindrance. Those items, in turn, require money, so you're encouraged to go through the bank over and over and steal valuable stuff. Another shop in the lair lets you buy upgrades of various types; greater attack power, quicker reload, extra health, etc.

What's a roguelite without a bonus room
that doubles as a coliseum?

That said, the game does dip into a classic roguelite formula through elevators that lead to rooms at random, with more unlocked the deeper into the game you get. Both the main map and random rooms lead to NPCs you can interact with, with Turnip Boy collecting fetch quests. Find the items, take them back to whoever wants them. Enemies can drop both melee and range weapons, and you can pick those up to fight, then recycle them into weapon experience in the lair to unlock new weapons to go to the bank with.

When in doubt, more bullets.

And of course, what's a roguelike without
cool boss battles?

The story is fun, with a lot of referential humor and some good twists to be found. It shines where it builds upon the world presented in the previous entry. If you liked that one, you’ll find more of that here. The roguelite aspect doesn’t have nearly as much depth as other entries in that genre may have, but it’s alright for what it is, especially if you’re looking for an experience that’s much less of a time sink. (Indeed, you can beat this game in about four to five hours; a little more if you seek 100% completion, which is easy to reach.) The game comes with two difficulty options: One for a more casual experience, and one where combat is made more difficult.

Short but sweet, worth checking out if you like that type of humor and that gameplay. Two is too early to define a pattern, but I’d be on board if Turnip Boy had more games, and each future entry parodied a different genre. Turnip Boy Robs A Bank is available on Steam currently for 9.74$ USD.

Quick Review: The Sexy Brutale

back at noon, ready to stop another crime.

Ooh! A show! I can't miss that!

Developed by Cavalier Games Studio and Tequila Works, published by the latter, and released on April 11th, 2017, The Sexy Brutale takes place entirely within the mansion housing the titular casino. You are the elderly Lafcadio Boone, one of several guests invited by the Marquis, owner of the mansion, to a masked soirée. What the guests don’t know, however, is that they’re targeted for murder. Awakened by a mysterious girl drenched in blood, Boone is handed a stopwatch that allows him to toy with time itself. His new quest? To prevent every murder.

I mean, if you had the ability to rewind time while living a murder plot, wouldn’t you try to prevent it from happening?

Witness every murder. How else can you later stop it?

However, you’re limited: you cannot be seen by anyone wearing a mask, or the room will go dark, and their mask will attack you. If someone is in a room you’re about to enter, a fire will appear over Lafcadio’s head. When that happens, you can peek and listen through the door (using X) instead. Alternately, you can hide into closets. Time at midnight resets back to noon. The map, accessible with the Esc key, will store any relevant information, and you can even use it alongside a time slider to keep track of every character’s schedule, provided you’ve followed their trail. You can wind clocks to get a new respawn position when looping back to noon, though it requires finding the right key for each clock.

For the record, the bell rings on every loop where you
do not rescue this woman. At the same hour every time.
Even after you did save her once. Let's just say, you
can never forget that this happens over and over.

Whenever you save a guest(s), you obtain a mask with a new ability, which will become necessary to save the next. These abilities, in turn, let you unlock more areas of the mansion, with each guest (or pair) to save being confined to one area. However, the puzzles themselves might not be confined to that area, and thus the game encourages exploring over and over.

The puzzles involve figuring out the right timing and sequence of actions to rescue each person, which means snooping on them, as clues can be found in their dialogue, or that of anyone involved in their demise. Between loops, you get to remember significant information but you lose items with a few exceptions. On top of the main quest, you can also collect every guest’s invitation, as well as all 52 cards of a standard deck.

The bottom right stopwatch also helpfully indicates who
is gonna bite it this time (by showing their masks), and
when. Therefore, you know how much time you have
to act.

For a place that starts out looking normal, time loop
notwithstanding, there sure are a lot of giant spiders,
voodoo trinkets, and other supernatural crap lying around!
That's not even mentioning the [spoilers]!

The game looks great and has excellent music; you’ll be humming the songs heard in the casino. Even better is its sound design, as a lot of events are alluded to that way, and you can use the noise of footsteps in other rooms to figure out whether someone’s coming, or significant cues related to your current mission. Then, beneath the surface, there’s a lot of smart details regarding art and literature to look for. Gameplay is unusual, since you move Lafcadio around with the right-click of the mouse instead of the arrows or WASD. It does work out in the end, though.

And yep, you can even follow the characters' movements
around the map.

Lucas, the Marquis, remains unseed and a complete mystery
up until it's time for his part in the plot. So, he's either the
final person we rescue, or the brains behind the murders.

And though it’s very strong in so many areas, nowhere is it stronger than in its plot. We could mull over the clever construction of the intrigue across the 12 hours we visit over and over, and the various character interactions we see as a result (and how we influence each loop). But there’s even more brilliance to be found here: Each rescue reveals some pieces of the wider puzzle behind this strange situation, sure. But there’s a ton of little nods and clues you can find on your own, that are hidden in plain sight, and reveal so much more about the actual twist – and some of these may be dismissed as mere gameplay or stylistic elements, until it all comes together at the final stretches. It’s so great. It’s expertly written, and if you don’t know what’s coming, you’ll be astonished. The story alone makes this game worth playing.

The Sexy Brutale is available on Steam for 19.99$ USD. With all this done, I can focus on the task at hand. Just a rewind and I’m

Quick Review: Phoenix Force

Always back from the ashes, no matter how many times we fail. Which is a lot.

Created by Awoker Games and released on November 13th, 2014, Phoenix Force is a shoot ‘em up game in which we control a phoenix rising up against monsters attacking all over the planet. This isn’t a regular shmup with levels and enemies to fight before getting to the boss; no, instead, it’s “Oops, all bosses!” And this, across 100 stages set around continents closely resembling our world, for some reason. (There is a story, but it’s not like it ever comes up in gameplay...)

From the UI and map you might guess that this is a mobile game ported to PC, and you’d be correct! It’s easy to find it on Google Play and other app stores. That explains the all-mouse controls as well.

Welcome to Canada, our wildlife is dire.
Also, big Candy Crush/Two Dots vibes in this map.

Also, this means that aside from one exception, you do not
control when the phoenixes unleash their special ability.

We move our character with the mouse. Characters auto-shoot a constant stream of fireballs, but most have abilities as well. As we progress through the game, we unlock more – four can be found after clearing specific levels. Each phoenix has its own special ability; the first, a phoenix with red plumage, will occasionally launch a fire wave that destroys every bullet in its wake, which can help clear the screen (though it won’t hurt the bosses). The second one is ice-themed, and its ability freezes the bosses in place when used. The third’s, when activated, slow time down, letting it move to another place on the screen. The fourth doesn’t have a special ability, but its bullets home in on enemies. Lastly, the fifth’s ability, when it triggers, creates a temporary shield around it.

This isn't even half the trouble you can encounter.

A leveling system is included; you get five pearls per boss when you beat a level. At the end of some specific battles, you’ll also earn a special jewel that will either increase the phoenixes’ speed or attack. Between stages, you can spend the pearls to go up a level, which increases the birds’ attack and decreases their ability’s cooldown by a fraction of a second. You can replay previous stages to grind for pearls and levels, if you encounter a challenge you’re struggling with.

Whoa there, not all at once! Take a friggin' number!

Why did I say “per boss”? Well, the first few stages have only one boss, but soon there are two, three or four bosses at once, and you must deal with their combined patterns. We reach Bullet Hell territory fast. And in case the original 100 levels aren’t hard enough for you, past the midway point you unlock an extra mode, the Lich Jewel, which is another 100 levels, all randomized using four of the bosses you've seen so far. If you can beat them all, you unlock a sixth and final phoenix. Did I mention that every phoenix dies in a single hit? Eeyup.

Remember: You only have one HP. Good luck.

On the plus side, if you’re looking for some challenge, you’ll find it here. Game looks alright, music's decent. Now, the downsides. Battles are about as basic as they get; avoid bullets, keep shooting till they die. That’s it. No power-ups, nothing to collect, nothing to spice up gameplay other than the pearls you already earn from winning, and the occasional stat boosts and the levels to make things easier. As for the bosses, there’s an okay variety, but we can quickly tell that the game prefers to reuse bosses over and over, or merely send upgraded versions of previous bosses, than it likes to bring out wholly new ones. This leads to a lot of repetition, and it makes the only challenge one where you must deal with multiple bullet patterns at once.

Very mediocre and forgettable if you ask me, but if you absolutely need a shmup fill at a very low price, it should work just fine. Phoenix Force is available on Steam for 0.49$ USD.

(Quick note, due to going out during the weekend, I won't have something ready for Monday. See you Friday next week.)

Quick Review: Papers, Please

....Glory to Arstotzka?

The first person - welcome back to Arstotzka!

Developed by Lucas Pope, published by 6900 and released on August 8th, 2013, Papers, Please begins in late November 1982, in the totalitarian peaceful country of Atstotzka. You are selected by the lottery to serve as border patrol, with your family moved to a new apartment closer to your new workplace. Your job? Inspect the documents of all who wish to enter the country. Approve those whose papers are all in order, and deny entry to those whose documents show issues. Interrogate in the case of discrepancies if those can be cleared up, and deal with the criminals.

For, you see, Arstotzka is constantly under attack. No later than Day 2 are you reminded of that, when your shift is cut short by a running bomber. Yikes. You are the best line of defense! Make your country proud! (And if your family could not die from cold, hunger or sickness, that’d be nice too.)

....well fuck. Looks like we need to worry about the
top half of the screen too...

I mean, if you get tricked by this blatantly crayoned-in
passport, that's on you.

That means dealing with the fickle requests that come from the government, with your job changing constantly. Your first day is straightforward; only Arstotzkans. Then, you can let foreigners in. Requests get increasingly complex, with more documents being asked from people. But you have to do your job fast, as your pay depends on the number of people you screen – no matter whether you let them in or not. But you still must do your job right; you’re only allowed two mistakes a day, after which the government will issue a monetary penalty for each next violation. (Y’know, if whoever sends me these violations can do so mere seconds after I’ve made a mistake, then why am I doing this job when, clearly that person could be doing it way fucking better than me??) That’s before you get home and choose how to spend that money: Heating? Food? Medicine? Sometimes you can only pick one. Nothing but heartbreaking choices to make.

Sorry sir, you can't come into the country with this thing
taped to your leg.

Then, between the unlucky ones and the lowly crooks, there’s actual terrorists trying to pass through.  Keep doing your job as well as possible. Most entrants are randomized, but some are scripted; those tend to happen similarly across playthroughs but may change depending on your choices. You can even end up embroiled into a spy story! This tale can go one of many different ways based on your performance and decisions; there are 20 endings to look for. Yes, you’ve read that right. Good luck. (Oh, and by beating the game once, you unlock an Endless Mode.)

Sorry ma'am, your permit was good until yesterday. (It says
28th, date at the bottom left says 29). Better luck next time
immigrating. Or maybe you can find a better place to live,
'cause from all I've seen, Arstotzka freaking sucks.

The game has many ways of tricking you. Be on your guard.
I noticed the statement discrepancy... and overlooked the
non-matching passport photo. Whoooops.

Papers, Please may not become a game you’ll love, but it’s one you’ll respect. Its concept is unique (how many games are about bureaucracy of all things?), and its setup presents challenges hardly seen elsewhere. It’s stressful due to the demanded speed of action and risk of penalties, and it’s very easy to get tripped up by things you didn't see coming. Difficulty increases gradually, with new rules to follow and papers to request from each person. As you approach the end, you have several papers to look over, increasing the odds of a screw-up.

...Yeah, it becomes a lot.

And that’s before you factor in the many plot threads that come up through scripted encounters. As an example, someone warning you about a criminal waiting in line... And that’s before you also consider your family’s needs. It’s not a game I would call fun; rough and taxing, maybe. And yet, that’s all by design, it's all part of the unique experience. It’s an intriguing concept that tells a fascinating story with many outcomes, and through skill and nerve, you choose how it goes. Yeah, I can’t say I love it, I like it just fine, but I respect what it does, because it does it so well.

Papers, Please is available on Steam for 9.99$ USD.

Quick Review: Panzer Paladin

Ooh, a throwback platformer with modern concepts! And it’s made in Quebec?? I got stars in my eyes here!

A creation of Tribute Games Inc. released on July 21st, 2020, Panzer Paladin is a throwback to the super-tough retro platformers of yore. In this futuristic world, we control Flame, a rescue android who pilots her friendly Paladin mech Grit. Things get strange when monsters from multiple mythologies descend onto Earth from an alien ship, carrying Spirit Weapons built from their Forge, forcing this duo into the battle of their synthetized lives.

Can't come close? Toss your weapon!

Flame pilots Grit most of the time, but she can jump out of or back into the mech whenever necessary, when you press E. You use the arrows to move, Z to jump, X to attack; you can also attack upwards (which grants a jump boost in midair) or downwards. When you press S, Grit backsteps, a move that also grants invincibility while it's being done. Grit also carries a shield that can deflect enemy attacks, when it stands or crouches.

Every level has a section where Grit is too large to pass, forcing Flame to go. She’s not defenseless; she carries a laser whip, a (weak) weapon that also lets her grab and swing on hooks. On her way, Flame can refill her mech’s HP by draining containers of orange liquid, always found in her segments, using the whip. Lastly, teleporters are used to bring Grit's body to her so she can climb back in.

Why yes, it IS an existing self-imposed challenge to beat
the game using only Flame, why do you ask?

And a dragon, too? Hell yeah, I'll slay this thing.

When an enemy is destroyed, it may drop a weapon that Grit can use. Weapons have a durability level, so they’ll break after a certain amount of hits on enemies. You’ll need new weapons regularly. All weapons also have a spell on them – you don’t get to use that spell (which can be an attack or defense boost, an HP heal, or stuff like gaining wings temporarily) unless you break the weapon yourself by holding down D. You can also lose a weapon by tossing it at an opponent for extra damage with A. You can only have four weapons on hand at a time, but you can access your inventory with Esc and change your loadout at any moment; after which, you can cycle between the four weapons with Q and W.

"Spirit Burden" is the total amount of Spirits in the weapons
you collected. At "Normal", you have empty screens at the
halfway point of each level; at "High", you fight a
mini-boss, always the same.

This game takes inspiration from many classics. I sense a Mega Man homage in there; past the tutorial stage (set in Canada), we can play the next 10 stages in any order. However, once they’re all beaten, we unlock the enemy base, a sequence of six stages in a specific order, very “Wily’s Fortress”-esque. Every boss beaten drops a special weapon with extra durability and a good spell. Bosses represent the location where they’re fought; Greece has Medusa, Russia has Baba Yaga, Egypt has Anubis, and so on.

Considering this is Greece, I wouldn't be surprised if that
floating blade was referencing the Sword of Damocles.

If there's a literal virus among these aliens, I'm ready.

The Story Mode is available in Classic and Remixed flavors, with the latter unlocked after beating the game once. The main menu includes a Speedrunning option, a Challenge section, and there’s a Tournament mode to compare your prowess to other players’. The best addition is the Blacksmith, where you can design your own weapons, drawing them with pixels and selecting their stats afterwards. Even better – the weapons created by other players may pop up as rewards after a mini-boss. I fought using a cow-shaped sword, another one had a Mario sprite on a stick. Yes, really.

Look on the left. I wasn't kidding when I said "a Mario
sprite on a stick". It's right there.

See, I did tell you that some weapons, when broken,
gave Grit wings!

Oh, I loved this one. The music is great, and the pixel art is gorgeous. That includes the sprite work during gameplay, but also the ultra-detailed backgrounds, cutscenes and portraits. The characters and scenes have that “80’s anime” vibe to them, very on-point. The game is tough, but overall fair; it’s hard while learning the ropes, but it gets easier once you’ve got all the mechanics down. As an example, once you learn that you can heal by breaking weapons, you keep a few in inventory just in case. And then, once you have the mechanics down, the Inverted Tower comes in with its six stages of intense platforming. It’s got the difficulty alright.

Trust me, 50 units really isn't much. But it does help.

A lot of people who say that the platforming in this game is cheap haven’t played a game that such a critique applies to. It’s tough, but not “the game is actively trying to piss the player off” tough. I’ve seen those, I’ve tried some, and Panzer Paladin is nowhere near that level. However, this game with so many interesting mechanics underutilizes one: The Laboratory, where you can increase Grit’s max HP by destroying many Spirit weapons. This stops at five upgrades; it would have been even better if this feature had allowed the player to sacrifice more weapons for additional upgrades, maybe to Grit’s base attack or speed (as the mech is rather slow), or maybe some very slight upgrades to Flame at a very high cost?

Very small issues aside, I fell in love with this one, I think it’s safely going to find its way among my Favorites at the end of the year. You should try it out if you like retro throwbacks! Panzer Paladin is available on Steam for 19.99$ USD.