Who would need a story to enjoy a 3D Picross anyway? |
However, Professor Layton this isn’t.
James Noir’s Hollywood Crimes was developed by Ubisoft and released on the Nintendo 3DS on November 1st, 2011 in North America. The game utilizes all the capabilities of the console, even the camera and the built-in tilt detection for some puzzles. It also does things I don’t recall seeing in games before… and it’s not exactly a great thing. I think it will be best explained as I cover the plot. How does it go?
(For the sake of explaining the plot, I'll use the second person, since the game tries so hard to involve the player in the plot.)
Something looks really uncanny about this. |
I actually wonder how a TV show could make these puzzles interesting for the watching audience... By the way, I would like to thank YouTuber Placlutwo's playthrough of the game for most of my screenshots. |
See if you can solve that one! |
Monique says roughly one of three lines every time we go back to the scoreboard. |
The game’s box proudly advertises that it features over 140 puzzles for you to solve. With 12 puzzles per round, over siux rounds, that’s 72 already. If this game show sounds to you like an excuse to shove as many puzzles as possible in a space where they won’t be a bother to the plot itself, don’t worry – that’s exactly what it is.
After successfully completing a round of the show, you get to see your progress – the score discrepancy with Marcus White, the number of fans earned, and so on. For each new percentage of fans earned, you earn one new fan letter delivered directly to your hotel, for a total of 100 letters. After the show has ended, Glenn Darnby takes you out for a drink, but you're interrupted by an FBI agent, Matt Booker, whom the player already knows.
Cool for you. Wow, FBI agent. Nice. And what do you think I'm doing? Uhhhhhhhhh.............. |
If you wonder why the game asked for so many details, here’s why. For starters, there are small changes to the plot depending on the gender you selected. If you identified as male on the form, Matt Booker will say that you were college roommates back in the day. If you picked female, you’re instead… exes. Geez, that’s some extra pressure. The game also asked for your birth date. That information does show up in places; in particular, between chapters of the story, you get to read your “horoscope”. It will consist of two sentences hinting at some of the events and puzzles you’ll soon take part in. It may even give a free hint. That's all fine and good, but... the horoscope doesn't even change based on sign!
How do I know? I had my mom, who's a Capricorn, try out the game (I'm Leo; and the player of the playthrough I use for images is a Scorpio). All the horoscopes wound up saying the same thing.
I'm still not sure how these things were built... remember, it's 1961. |
It's a 9! No, it's a 6 upside down! It's a snail! Oh right, just a number... |
The puzzles solved on the first crime scene lead to an address, in which is found the second victim, with puzzle cubes in his hands. Is it just me, or it’s really forced? It’s the flimsiest of reasons to involve puzzles – “the serial killer is obsessed with games and puzzles so he leaves some around”, like some sort of Riddler from Batman, except stupid. After solving the puzzles, Matt wishes the player good luck on the show and leaves.
No thanks, I don't get buddy-buddy with the competition. the killer |
-Resume the story where it was left off;
-Replay the story’s chapters, thus allowing you to go through their puzzles again; or play through the puzzles on the game show, divided by episode, which means you can go back and properly finish all 12 challenges proposed on any of them (as the story moves on once you beat Marcus White's score).
-Options to go to another in-game profile, change the music and sound volume, toggle the subtitles or take a new photo.
-Last but not least… the fan mail.
These are letters delivered to your hotel room. Like everything else in the game, there’s a very corny tone to some of the letters, but it’s also an unfortunately accurate depiction of what receiving fan mail might be like. People that you’ve never met, who think you’ve done stuff specifically for them, just because you’re on TV; people who think that you owe them only because you’re suddenly famous, and get angry because you never talk to them – even though you have no idea who they are; and several who send hate mail, which, yep, goes all the way to wishing death on you BECAUSE YOU’RE WINNING A FUCKING TV SHOW.
I’m glad I’m not famous.
In a wham moment for the game, starting at letter #34, some of the messages you receive are written by the murderer; well-written, but terrifying statements from a deranged individual not only taking sick glee in their murders, but also nesting a creepy and chilling obsession for the main character. And you receive more than one of those...
(Yes, my game is in French. Here's what this letter from the killer says: "When you look at the camera, I have the impression that you're looking at me. Only me. I try to resemble you when I kill. Then I get the impression that you'e by my side." .....Did it get cold in here, or it's just a chill down my spine?)
Sometimes, you’ll get letters from people who work on the show (Darnby, his assistant Monique, producer Trudy Mills, and also M. White). Last but not least, roughly one out of five letters will come with a puzzle of its own.
Who the fuck designs gear systems like this?? |
Oh, a quick thing that annoys me with the puzzles: When you have to answer with a number, you write it on the touch screen, and the game then equates it to a number. No number pad! The game will sometimes interpret what you wrote into the wrong number. Not so bad, right? Well, then you get to two- and three-digit numbers, and if a single digit is wrong, you have to rewrite all of them. No way to correct just the one that’s a mistake. Thankfully those puzzles aren't common, but it's a very crappy idea.
You can probably see it, but in case you don't: This is literally less than a second of animation, looped over and over, of Darnby talking and raising his glass. Can you say "cheap animation effect"? |
Also, when you resume playing and when starting a new chapter, the game forces you to watch a recap of what happened so far. Is it afraid that we’ll lose interest in its intrigue? Come on now.
Hey! I've never been.... severe! |
So there's a message on the curtain, huh? I bet anything it's "TRY ME!" I can tell even without doing the puzzle. |
During that time, the third, fourth and fifth rounds take place, with the game reaching a sixth round for the first time in its run. The latest coordinates lead to a house that turns out to be "your" old home. The two investigate and eventually find all three trophies in the basement, surrounded by puzzles. All of the clues point to you being the killer, and Booker considers having enough proof to properly arrest you.
Ah yes, prison has puzzles too. Makes total sense. |
As a result, you're sent to prison. After waking up from a nightmare involving – you guessed it – puzzles to solve, you’re awoken by the prison mail delivery. You receive a letter coming from the killer, who claims he has kidnapped Matt Booker and is willing to spare him… if you escape from prison and return to the studio where The Incredible Puzzle Masters is filmed. The letter details how to escape and what to do afterwards.
...Dude, you don't have what it takes to set up Shadow Games. |
Booker forces you to play a twisted version of The Incredible Puzzle Masters. He attaches electrodes to you and him – when you fail a puzzle (which, from what I've understood, just can't happen), you get a shock; if you beat one, Booker gets it instead, with the “winner” of the whole game killing the loser. Gotta give it to the guy, Booker is a more interesting host than Darnby! And yeah, it’s scary, but like everything else so far it’s also corny beyond words. The creepy ambiance is set by things like the empty audience and the puzzles’ victory jingles, which resonate off-key and distorted.
Other than that, the puzzles don't change. It's business as usual. |
That's okay officer, he was about to kill himself for losing the game. The prints would have been all over his button, I have done nothing to him. |
To no one’s surprise, you win, and are given the same prize: A year-long trip around the world, all expenses paid. After the show, the producer, Trudy, comes in with a letter sent by a fan from the local penitentiary. It comes with a little box that’s also a puzzle. When it’s opened, it reveals a brick much like the ones the player took out to escape. Remember how the killer told you exactly how to escape? He’s out there… On this cliffhanger/twist, roll the end credits!
Well, my day is ruined. |
That story was a poorly-presented mess, but the puzzles are alright. Definitely, the puzzles are a highlight. It’s unfortunate that most of them are knocked out of the total by being presented through the TV show (72 plus another 12 for the twisted version with Booker as the host). Then, on the side, there’s roughly 20 extra puzzles in the fan mail, for a total of 104, leaving only about 40 puzzles with any plot relevance. I’m pretty sure other puzzle collections with stories attached find better ways to incorporate puzzles in ways that matter.
Here is the puzzle type I hated the most in the game: The "Jukebox" puzzles. Those were a goddamn chore. |
That this freaking PSYCHO is allegedly "your" ex in the game's plot, if you pick "female" for gender, adds insult to injury. At least, that explains the breakup. |
The game uses of all of the Nintendo 3DS’ functions. It seldom uses the tilt detection, but the camera is used a few times through the story. And if your first photo taken during the game show auditions was bad, you can change it in the game’s options. That particular picture will show up a lot through the story. The horoscope is a nice idea, but completely useless since it always said the same thing for every sign on each chapter. This could have been done in a far more interesting way.
A pretty mediocre game overall – decent puzzles, but you can skip it. There's very little here that makes the game worth getting.
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