All VGFlicks, Ranked Worst to Best (#18-#10)

(#26-#19) - (#18-#10) - (#09-#01)

Part 2 of this list split in three parts: The stuff that’s bad has already been covered. We’ve got two parts left: The okay and the great. Today, the okay – ranging from merely meh to the pretty decent. Counting down!

#18. Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase

Double trouble? Ruh roh!

While not great, this Scooby-Doo movie is at least a fun ride. And it’s an interesting concept, too: The Scooby Gang fights a materialized computer virus, then gets virtualized into a video game that they have to finish in order to return home. On the way, they seek clues as to who created said virus, and even get to meet themselves from a past era! I still think that the video game they got sent to should have seen them solving their usual brand of dude-in-monster-costume crime. Instead, they end up having to find boxes of Scooby Snax– and there’s hardly any instance of that quest where the team’s detective skills come into play!

To top it off, the mystery is stupid easy to solve, with blatant clues even for someone not paying attention. As soon as the virus says “Batter up”, you know who’s responsible: That one guy in the lab who declares early on his love for baseball. I doubt that’s spoiling much. The set-up leads to plenty of fun moments, but the Mystery Inc team meeting their virtual selves led to some of the best scenes in Scooby-Doo history.

The film has good ideas, but pales in comparison to other Scooby-Doo films from the era, so I do feel it’s lesser and deserving of this spot on the list. There’s been better in the franchise (Zombie Island comes to mind), but it’s a decent viewing experience nonetheless.

#17. Ender’s Game

As much as it pains me to do so, I want to discuss this film on its own merits, in spite of Ender’s Game writer Orson Scott Card’s repulsive social stances.

Video games... and sports in zero-gravity
environments.

The main focus of Ender’s Game is humanity preparing itself against the looming threat of a more advanced alien species. Games are a big part of Ender’s education and training at Battle School, where his tactical genius is tested through scenarios where the odds are heavily stacked against him. One key element of the story is Ender beating an “impossible” game, simply by thinking outside the box… something that any gamer nowadays could have done. The climax is set in a large tactical simulator where Ender and his team massacre the alien factions… and that’s when he learns that everything they did in the simulator happened for real.

There are big names attached to the project: Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley… they play their parts well, and yet, the acting ends up feeling rather stiff. The film also has a big problem of telling rather than showing, the result of condensing the book into a two-hour feature. It’s impressive to watch, yet feels uninspired in parts. And as I say in my previous paragraph, Card didn’t foresee in his story originally published in 1985 that video games would encourage players to find unusual solutions to problems.

I won’t blame anybody for boycotting this story, be it novel or movie, because of its author's opinions. I hope the flaws I pointed out within the film itself justify the position I’ve given it.

#16. Assassin’s Creed

And we still haven't gotten a game with
the movie's protagonist as a playable assassin.

I recall going into that film thinking it was a casual viewing experience – movie adaptations tend to do that, since they explain the world to new viewers. Not this one. The plot of the Assassin’s Creed movie is tied to the overarching storyline of Ubisoft’s famous franchise. As a result, if you don’t know much about the series, you’ll probably be lost.

The film is exceedingly dark, not in tone but in look, with a lot of details in the shadows; normal, you’ll say, for a movie about assassins, but it dampens the viewing experience. The effects are also quite blurry, so you also lose out on good visuals on that front.

Thankfully, the historical segments redeem a lot of those flaws. The scenes set in the past through the Animus are faithful and impressive. The film has an all-star cast, and every actor is solid in their role. Some actors were surprising choices, like Javier Gutiérrez and Hovik Keuchkerian, but they work well.

I would close this saying that this isn’t a bad movie, but I hold back on saying that since it applies to every film in this third of the list, so I’d parrot this on every entry. Assassin’s Creed is indeed a decent movie, I appreciated it just fine – it’s lacking in places, but otherwise enjoyable. Just make sure you’re up to date with the plot of the series before giving it a watch…

#15. Space Jam: A New Legacy

I couldn't find any images online that
showcased the "video game" part of the
basketball game. I'll see to correct that someday.

I did say that I included on this list any video game movies that I haven’t given a full review to. Films I’ve only seen in theaters but plan on covering in greater depth later. This sequel to 1996’s Space Jam is a video game movie by my standards. One key element of the story involves LeBron James’ son Dom wanting to become a game dev, and the climactic basketball match takes place in the game developed by Dom, recreated by the villain of the film.

The film’s emotional core is believable, the use of 2D animation in a big release is much welcome, and there are clever moments and cameos in places. The biggest issue is that any semblance of plot is drowned in the barrage of corporate shilling from Warner Bros., who use the runtime to remind viewers of everything they own, from Harry Potter and DC Comics to Casablanca and Hanna-Barbera. It’s not even attempting to hide its status as a massive marketing ploy for the studio. There’s more, of course, from the villain’s motivation being bland or Lola Bunny’s character development being entirely forgotten.

To its credit, the film is Black-led, with all of
the important live-action characters being
African-American. We need more big-budget
movies like that.

If you actually can look past the apparent soullessness of such a product to focus on the emotion and story around it, you might find something nice. It’s more than just a cash grab, but we tend to forget about that when the advertising is shoved in oiur faces. And hey, much like the original Space Jam, it’s average but fine for a couple laughs. It’s memorable… perhaps not for all the right reasons.

#14. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

As far as adaptations go, this one does everything we could expect: It converts the story of the original game into a format more suited for film, but keeps everything that matters. The story of the titular Prince (named Dastan by the adaptation) once again features him finding and using a magical dagger that can rewind the previous ten seconds. This becomes useful on a quest where he must avenge the death of his adoptive father the King, which he has been accused of. Okay, so perhaps the film meanders more on the geopolitical side of things as a result of expanding the story into a more realistic world.

Alfred Molina? Also not of Middle-Eastern
descent. 

Now, if they had used more actors of Middle-Eastern descent to represent the people from Arabic countries accurately, instead of whitewashing most of them pulling from popular names in Hollywood... Look, Jake Gyllenhall’s a cool actor and all, but his casting feels more than a bit out of place. The adaptation is also plagued by other minor issues regarding pacing and dialogue. In the end, I do still believe it’s a fine film, even if I think it could have been improved overall. What’s the phrase again? “Perfectly serviceable entertainment”? Yeah, that works.

Man, I had forgotten just how much of a bloodbath that story turns into. I mean, when the endgame for the protagonist is to rewind time for a period long enough to undo the film’s events, script-writers can go all-out without any worries.

#13. The Angry Birds Movie

Yeah, I share your pain, Red. When this
movie wants you to understand that these
characters are annoying, it goes all-out.

Starting the upper half of this list is the group of odd birds who crash into piggy constructs. I remember being surprised at the level of quality of this film, in both animation and writing – there’s a lot of cleverness here that doesn’t get enough credit. Plenty of great jokes as well. I do mean plenty – not all. For starters, the entire concept of “Angry Birds” is taken literally as the main characters are all birds with anger issues (or at least, so we’re told). There’s a swath of running gags that keep coming back.

The pigs, upon arrival, bring the intelligence of the comedy down a couple notches. God are the piggies dumb. From that point onwards, although there’s still a lot of jokes that land, it becomes much more of a mixed bag. Between an uncomfortable gag involving Mighty Eagle relieving himself and the dozen jokes about Chuck (the speedy yellow bird voiced by Josh Gad)’s depraved bisexuality… For God’s sake, his immediate response to seeing all the eggs stolen is to suggest the birds just make new ones. I’m pretty sure bisexuals are tired of being represented in fiction as sex-crazed maniacs.

I rant but overall the rest of the movie was still made with enough care, creativity and cleverness to let me look past those issues. Not gonna say it’s a must-see, but it’s decent enough to deserve the #13 spot. The film had a sequel released in 2019; I still haven’t seen it in its entirety, but the reviews are positive, so maybe I ought to check it out in full eventually.

P.S. Bomb is still adorable.

Still haven't found a plushie of him.

#12. Ralph Breaks the Internet

Any film about the Internet is bound to be divisive. Disney took that bet regardless with the 2018 sequel to their 2012 movie Wreck-It Ralph. What is there to expect? Commentary on Internet culture, a lot of shameless self-promotion, and a lot of jokes about memes, some of which I bet are dated already. It’s an interesting tale about Ralph’s insecurities and him learning to let his best friend go and live her life. The film’s writers did some of the homework; they make a lot of accurate jokes about the Internet, including the “don’t read the comments” part. Oh yeah, and the attention to detail – Disney excels at that.

I never thought that Disney, of all studios, would make a
film that features both a pastiche of an M-rated game
and a representation of the Dark Web.

The metaphorical Internet is a bit confused and bizarre in places, but that’s forgivable. However, the film has no understanding of how video monetization and viral content works. The morals are muddled in execution. There's an attempt to correct a perceived blind spot from the Aesop of the original Wreck-It Ralph, but the execution misses the mark and instead comes across as trying to negate/deny that original Aesop. Well, at least there isn’t a twist villain.

I still think it’s a very good movie, despite all the flaws I’ve found in it. It’s a situation where the flaws don’t detract a ton from the overall quality of the product, in my case at least. It’s the sort of movie where I definitely understand why someone wouldn’t enjoy it, though.

#11. Ratchet & Clank

I still haven’t played a Ratchet & Clank game. However, I reviewed the movie in October of 2020, and I still believe it’s a decent movie. The animation is very good (especially for a 20M$ budget) and the franchise’s regular voice actors reprise the major roles for the feature while big names were called to round out the cast (most surprisingly of all, Sylvester Stallone for a role that turns out to be secondary). We even get a handful of Easter Eggs!

Dangit, Ratchet and Clank are adorable even
while pointing a laser gun at someone.

The humor is mostly spot-on, with several good character-based gags. The film utilizes self-referential/meta humor a lot as well, though perhaps a little too much in what seems like an attempt to feel clever. It’s also reaching for relevance; jokes about compulsive texting were nothing new, even back in 2016… also it doesn’t really fit the universe, does it? Last but not least, the story is fine, but nothing outstanding, picking themes and beats from similar plots. There’s little that we haven’t seen here before in other science-fiction or comedy films/shows.

Although I wouldn’t consider it a required watch, this is an enjoyable 94 minutes. Good enough to be deserving of its spot here, at least – I didn’t find as many major flaws with it than I did while reviewing the Angry Birds Movie or Ralph Breaks the Internet, hence why it ranks higher. It’s well-deserving of its position as a piece of media that’s good, but not great.

#10. Ready Player One

Steven Spielberg managed an impressive tour de force with this one. Not only does it reference plenty of media from the 1980s to now, from video games to film and everything in-between, with properties from several different parent companies actually appearing together… But also, he took a garbage book that nonetheless had a potent starting idea, and made it into an actual good story.

At least the film makes VR look sorta-cool.

The movie shares some of the flaws of the novel it’s based on; an overreliance on pop culture references, for starters. It also doesn’t completely rid itself of the nasty air of geeky gatekeeping/elitism permeating the original text, though it’s much less prominent. The Aesop of not losing yourself in your passions and your escapism is lost when the protagonists doing exactly that is what saves the day.

There's something really weird in seeing these CGI
characters, which are not meant to blend in with the
live-action world, freely walking around the Overlook Hotel.

The switch to a visual medium leads to impressive imagery, like the characters’ avatars visiting the hotel from The Shining, or them hacking the game to appear in live-action to the villain, taking him by surprise. The unnecessary challenges are ditched, and more focus is placed on the women of the cast. Whereas the character of Samantha Cooke was almost ignored even in her own moments of awesome in the book, here she gets many moments to shine. The cast is also more diverse and references are made to Black culture of the ‘80s, which the book lacked. In short: All of the changes made from book to film were good ideas.

Oh, and since that review, Ready Player Two, the sequel novel, came out, and predictably, it’s also been called garbage. So I’m not missing out on much. Anyway, I feel like the film deserves this place on top of the “middle” list; it lacks that little something to break through, but is almost there.

See you this Friday for Part 3, ranking the best films – from #9 to #1.