All VGFlicks, Ranked Worst to Best (#9-#1)

(#26-#19) - (#18-#10) - (#09-#01)

I’ve covered the worst, I’ve covered the decent-to-good… time to cover everything good and great. Today, I’m fanboying. From #9 to #1, let’s end this list!

#9. Pokémon: The First Movie

NOT LIKE THIS
(People who watch Suede and Linkara's
Pokémon reviews will understand)

Perhaps nostalgia is speaking, as this is one of the films I owned on VHS back in the day and still remember it fondly… so perhaps others would rank it lower than I did. I grew up with what I assume to be the 4Kids dub, which is already a mark against the film. Whereas the original Japanese version’s theme is closer to “nature versus nurture”, the dub gives us an “all life is equal” Aesop instead, a lesson that’s also important but much less fitting with the events we watch unfold. Also a tacked-on “fighting is bad, m’kay” on a film for a franchise where fighting is a major part of the gameplay, ignoring the context.

Despite being the first contact some people have had with the Pokémon franchise, the film explains very little to the uninitiated. The end also suffers from a poorly-explained deus ex machina-like resolution followed by a memory wipe of most characters present, meaning that the events were for naught in the heads of the protagonists Ash, Pikachu, Misty and Brock.

What I get from it is nonetheless a very interesting and engaging story with its share of cool moments. I also get from it a sort of deconstruction of Pokémon as fighters, where they’re forced into an unfair battle with deadly stakes whereas they would normally partake in regulated matches. There’s something very H. R. Giger-esque to some of the setpieces on Mewtwo’s island, and the film remains enjoyable even with the issues I’ve pointed out. It’ll appeal a lot more to Pokémon fans, obviously, and to fans of the anime in particular.

#8. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Tying it all back to the notion of respect I introduced in Part 1 of this list, you’ll notice that most entries in this part are for recent movies – films respecting the gaming audience, because they’re made by people who grew up gaming and who thus want to represent the medium and its fans properly. Films from the 2010s, mostly. The Jumanji sequels, which took the board game into a very different direction, fit the bill.

Bravestone has no weaknesses? I demand a rebalancing!
This game is not made fairly!

It’s already impressive that the actors within Jumanji have to play as the teenagers embodying their avatars, rather than as the avatars themselves, and nail every single performance. Better is that the film features concepts like NPCs, lives, special abilities, weaknesses, and executes them accurately – with the occasional twist for the sake of comedy or drama, of course. Even programming quirks are alluded to, like NPCs being limited in the number of sentences they can speak.

The film misses a few opportunities to comment on more video game tropes, but otherwise the story is on-point. There’s a couple of plot holes here and there as well as a handful of things that don’t entirely make sense (again, occasional twists to take the story forward), but overall the plot holds up. But, putting all that aside, this is definitely one of the films I’ve seen that sought to pay tribute to video games in a faithful manner, and did so nicely. And yes, the sequel, which I’ve given a shorter review to for now, is also on this list.

#7. WarGames

This film starring Matthew Broderick really skirts the line of a “video game movie”, with how little video games have a part in it. They kickstart the plot, then take a backseat to hacking. But it’s still one of the earliest films to fit the description, so I include it.

Pic taken moments before a disaster.

It offers great insight into a time period that most people of my generation haven't seen, the Cold War. The hacking techniques are accurate for 1983 (and some techniques shown are still good today, like social hacking). There’s a serious discussion on how mankind has built the tools to destroy itself several times over, and actually comes very close to during the film's events. And, of course, there’s the famous climax where a computer is defeated by being taught that some games cannot be won.

Perhaps the conclusion feels a bit too idealistic for 1983, and some characters could have been given more to do (Ally Sheedy's contributions as Jennifer are few, even if she does help push the plot forward). To some extent, I feel like the very small role of video games is a mark against it, hence why it ranks a little lower on the list… but other than that, I almost struggle to find flaws to this one! Genuinely a good movie, deserving of its place. Heck, some would probably rank it higher. In all seriousness, do give it a look whenever you can; it’s worth a watch.

#6. Jumanji: The Next Level

What? I rank the sequel higher than the other Jumanji title on the list? Originally not, but after a few rewatches, I actually consider it even stronger than its predecessor. Some people would disagree with me. You’re allowed to.

One of these is an old man.
Probably not the one you think.

I’ve said it elsewhere on this list and I reiterate: The best sequels take what has been done by the movie they follow up on, and explore new avenues and ideas. Take everything I said earlier about Welcome to the Jungle. Add the concept of glitches (meaning that the characters don’t get to choose who they play as, and the game world behaves in weird ways). Lastly, have new characters who are elderly, and who therefore lack knowledge in anything related to video games, and throw them into that insane situation alongside the others. It might be the only video game movie that discusses the topic of gaming and the elderly. And it makes every joke it could possibly do along the way.

I was personally disappointed that the idea of Jumanji being broken and glitchy wasn’t explored in greater depth, and the changes don’t go as far as they could have gone. I don’t agree with all of the decisions made regarding the plot, especially as the film nears its climax. But there are genuine gems here, some moments that are pure gold. And some of those moments were only possible with the changes the sequel brought on.

Hopefully we do get another sequel.

#5. Wreck-It Ralph

Ralph is durable. He can take a couple hit to the stomach.
Or crotch.

Feels like it might be a little low on the list… Either I’m harsh, or it speaks volumes about the quality of these last entries. Wreck-It Ralph is where I first felt the winds of change regarding representation of video games in cinema. I didn’t expect Disney of all people to deliver on that front. It’s one of the first films that I felt was a true love letter to gaming, containing several references to existing games, with characters, concepts and mechanics showing up.

So many cool moments.
(Though this one goes wrong fast.)

Ralph, Vanellope, Felix and Sergeant Calhoun are all endearing characters, the villain is excellent, and the story combines emotion and action flawlessly. From an arcade classic we go to a modern FPS, then spend a while in a racing title. Each world has a feel of its own, and represents both its genre and time well (the movements of NPCs are stilted in Ralph’s colorful 1982 game, whereas Hero’s Duty, a recent game, is high-definition and gritty).

There’s some blatant product placement (especially in Sugar Rush) and the story feels unfocused in places, but outside of that we have here a very solid movie and, if I may allow myself to repeat, a herald announcing an improvement to films about gaming from that point on.

#4. Scott Pilgrim VS The World

You can tell that one of them has stage presence,
and it ain't Scott.

An astounding visual spectacle, that’s what the film adaptation of the Scott Pilgrim series of visual novels is. Edgar Wright’s offering borrows codes from gaming, comics and anime alike, and combines them flawlessly for the silver screen. The movie oozes an incredible flair for fantastic scenes, most lifted directly from the books. Throughout there’s loads of little touches and details to look for, such as the omnipresence of numerology (Scott’s zero versus each ex’s associated number) and nods to both geek culture and music. Speaking of – stellar soundtrack, and perfect performances across the board.

Roxanne, Ramona's ex #4, is one of those exes
who barely gets any screentime, whereas her
comic book version shakes Scott and Ramona's
relationship significantly.

It’s also highly flawed: Condensing six books into 132 minutes was bound to cause that. The ultra-condensed adaptation therefore skips out on a ton of details, from characters to significant events and even some plot points that were pivotal in the series (Scott’s dark half, anyone?). Exes 4, 5 and 6 get very little screen time as a result, despite being far more important in the book series. Another unfortunate outcome is that it makes Scott and Ramona appear a lot less likeable than they could have been, since the film follows the most important plot beats and many of those were meant to show their relationship straining from the stress of dealing with the entire “evil exes” situation.

I rank it really high because I love what’s been done here, and that while I do know there’s a lot of flaws to it, those don’t detract significantly from my appreciation of the work. I know for certain that many people wouldn’t rank it as high as I did. By the way, wasn’t there an anime based on the series announced lately?

#3. Detective Pikachu

Ryan Reynolds is a treasure for geekdom, and possibly the best spokesperson we could have ever hoped for. As the voice of the eponymous electric mouse protagonist, he delivers a hilarious performance that also manages to be heartfelt wherever necessary. The Deadpool-esque (but PG) tone of the humor derives from Reynolds being given carte blanche to ad-lib jokes and quips while in the guise of the furred rodent. The film itself is stronger than that, however, featuring a Pokémon world vibrant and lively, where Pokémon are everywhere and seamlessly integrated to every shot. And honestly, a first live-action outing for the franchise wouldn’t have worked any other way.

The film's greatest strength is to make you
believe that all these creatures really ARE there.

It’s very character-driven. Putting aside the deuteragonist Pikachu, Justice Smith as Tim is an excellent protagonist, and Kathryn Newton is great as the tritagonist, Lucy, an aspiring reporter. All of the Pokémon have seen a look upgrade to appear realistic for live-action, and contrary to the classic “hyper-realistic” edits of Pokémon floating around the Internet, none of them clash with the designs we know and love from the games. Most importantly, this film does what regular Pokémon movies don’t do, by explaining some basics of this world, and it ditches some of those basics to offer a more functional, more appealing story for wider audiences.

Reynolds’ ad-libbing is good, but often clashes with the tone of scenes; however, the film’s biggest flaw is to follow the usual formula for a family movie, and its twists tend to be predictable. But if those are the only marks I have against the film, then damn – I see this as an absolute win!

#2. Sonic the Hedgehog

I’m pretty sure this one wouldn’t rank so high if we had ended up with the original Sonic design for the film, the one that was so reviled. Goes to show, studios listening to outrage can lead to good things sometimes. They showed respect for the fans, and were rewarded for it.

Not sure why, but that's two films in a row involving
awkward car rides with CGI creatures.

There’s a big ‘90s feel to this 2020 release, between the story that feels like so many buddy road trip adventures of that era and, of course, a Jim Carrey in great shape as Doctor Robotnik, channeling his crazier roles from that decade. He sells his alternative take on Eggman just as well, if not even better, than Ben Schwartz sells his alternative take on Sonic. The other characters, from Tom to Agent Stone, are all an absolute treat to watch as well. The story is insanely engaging, the humor is on-point… 

I don't care how high your IQ is;
That is a bad idea, doc.

The special effects aren’t always perfect, but that may be a side-effect from having to redo the entire film’s CGI with the new design for the main character. Also, even though it’s understandable by the events of the story, Sonic being a geek will never stop feeling bizarre. If I can grasp at straws for nitpicks, I probably could have done without Sonic flossing, the go-to dance for an attempt at relevance.

Okay, all nitpicking aside, this is about as good an adaptation as we can get – albeit this is more of an adaptation of the general series and its characters rather than a proper adaptation of a story from an existing game. Either way, this is near the pinnacle of quality and what all these video game series making the move to film should aim for. I'm so looking forward to the sequel.

#1. Free Guy

Hi again, Ryan Reynolds.

We’re back to that notion of respect. I’m under the belief that this movie was built trying to show respect to all of the represented communities: Geeks, gamers, millenials, developers, streamers, fans in general… And as a result, every single one of them is represented faithfully and respectfully. Any gags made at their expense is outside of the realm of insult, and into the area of gentle ribbing or light roasting. In short: The film’s laughing with us, not at us.

Weird seeing the world with new lenses.

Beyond the video game setting in the story of Guy, we also have an insight into the studio behind said game and its developers. And everything is perfect. Well… almost perfect. I can think of a very small number of flaws that this film has; its commentary on escapism is messy, but that’s nothing new in video game movies. It also relies a little too much on cameos by the end. Famous Twitch streamers appear, and the fictional Free City includes a lot of items pulled from other places – from gaming franchises and even beyond (but saying what is referenced would be a spoiler).

Also, the film is so bright, so colorful...
it radiates fun, compared to the constant gloom
of the worst films I've covered.

So much of this story is on-point, too; a lot of details about coding, game development and the industry are portrayed accurately. Even things that are in the realm of fiction make some level of sense (and it pains me to be unable to give examples, because I want people to see this film, and it was released just last year). There’s also a fascinating discussion here on artificial intelligence, when Guy outgrows his program to the point of being alive, and it’s an aspect of the story that could have been deserving of a movie all to itself.

If you feel this one wouldn’t be at the top of your list, it’s perfectly fine; this entire list from worst to best is nothing more than my opinion, and you can disagree all you want with any of the rankings on it. Once again, I strongly encourage others to make their own Tier List. I’d love to hear how others would rank these.

If all goes right… expect new reviews in February. In fact, the review that comes next is another movie review... for a film related to the game review that comes immediately after. What is it? You'll see soon enough...

All VGFlicks, Ranked Worst to Best (#18-#10)

(#26-#19) - (#18-#10) - (#09-#01)

Part 2 of this list split in three parts: The stuff that’s bad has already been covered. We’ve got two parts left: The okay and the great. Today, the okay – ranging from merely meh to the pretty decent. Counting down!

#18. Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase

Double trouble? Ruh roh!

While not great, this Scooby-Doo movie is at least a fun ride. And it’s an interesting concept, too: The Scooby Gang fights a materialized computer virus, then gets virtualized into a video game that they have to finish in order to return home. On the way, they seek clues as to who created said virus, and even get to meet themselves from a past era! I still think that the video game they got sent to should have seen them solving their usual brand of dude-in-monster-costume crime. Instead, they end up having to find boxes of Scooby Snax– and there’s hardly any instance of that quest where the team’s detective skills come into play!

To top it off, the mystery is stupid easy to solve, with blatant clues even for someone not paying attention. As soon as the virus says “Batter up”, you know who’s responsible: That one guy in the lab who declares early on his love for baseball. I doubt that’s spoiling much. The set-up leads to plenty of fun moments, but the Mystery Inc team meeting their virtual selves led to some of the best scenes in Scooby-Doo history.

The film has good ideas, but pales in comparison to other Scooby-Doo films from the era, so I do feel it’s lesser and deserving of this spot on the list. There’s been better in the franchise (Zombie Island comes to mind), but it’s a decent viewing experience nonetheless.

#17. Ender’s Game

As much as it pains me to do so, I want to discuss this film on its own merits, in spite of Ender’s Game writer Orson Scott Card’s repulsive social stances.

Video games... and sports in zero-gravity
environments.

The main focus of Ender’s Game is humanity preparing itself against the looming threat of a more advanced alien species. Games are a big part of Ender’s education and training at Battle School, where his tactical genius is tested through scenarios where the odds are heavily stacked against him. One key element of the story is Ender beating an “impossible” game, simply by thinking outside the box… something that any gamer nowadays could have done. The climax is set in a large tactical simulator where Ender and his team massacre the alien factions… and that’s when he learns that everything they did in the simulator happened for real.

There are big names attached to the project: Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley… they play their parts well, and yet, the acting ends up feeling rather stiff. The film also has a big problem of telling rather than showing, the result of condensing the book into a two-hour feature. It’s impressive to watch, yet feels uninspired in parts. And as I say in my previous paragraph, Card didn’t foresee in his story originally published in 1985 that video games would encourage players to find unusual solutions to problems.

I won’t blame anybody for boycotting this story, be it novel or movie, because of its author's opinions. I hope the flaws I pointed out within the film itself justify the position I’ve given it.

#16. Assassin’s Creed

And we still haven't gotten a game with
the movie's protagonist as a playable assassin.

I recall going into that film thinking it was a casual viewing experience – movie adaptations tend to do that, since they explain the world to new viewers. Not this one. The plot of the Assassin’s Creed movie is tied to the overarching storyline of Ubisoft’s famous franchise. As a result, if you don’t know much about the series, you’ll probably be lost.

The film is exceedingly dark, not in tone but in look, with a lot of details in the shadows; normal, you’ll say, for a movie about assassins, but it dampens the viewing experience. The effects are also quite blurry, so you also lose out on good visuals on that front.

Thankfully, the historical segments redeem a lot of those flaws. The scenes set in the past through the Animus are faithful and impressive. The film has an all-star cast, and every actor is solid in their role. Some actors were surprising choices, like Javier Gutiérrez and Hovik Keuchkerian, but they work well.

I would close this saying that this isn’t a bad movie, but I hold back on saying that since it applies to every film in this third of the list, so I’d parrot this on every entry. Assassin’s Creed is indeed a decent movie, I appreciated it just fine – it’s lacking in places, but otherwise enjoyable. Just make sure you’re up to date with the plot of the series before giving it a watch…

#15. Space Jam: A New Legacy

I couldn't find any images online that
showcased the "video game" part of the
basketball game. I'll see to correct that someday.

I did say that I included on this list any video game movies that I haven’t given a full review to. Films I’ve only seen in theaters but plan on covering in greater depth later. This sequel to 1996’s Space Jam is a video game movie by my standards. One key element of the story involves LeBron James’ son Dom wanting to become a game dev, and the climactic basketball match takes place in the game developed by Dom, recreated by the villain of the film.

The film’s emotional core is believable, the use of 2D animation in a big release is much welcome, and there are clever moments and cameos in places. The biggest issue is that any semblance of plot is drowned in the barrage of corporate shilling from Warner Bros., who use the runtime to remind viewers of everything they own, from Harry Potter and DC Comics to Casablanca and Hanna-Barbera. It’s not even attempting to hide its status as a massive marketing ploy for the studio. There’s more, of course, from the villain’s motivation being bland or Lola Bunny’s character development being entirely forgotten.

To its credit, the film is Black-led, with all of
the important live-action characters being
African-American. We need more big-budget
movies like that.

If you actually can look past the apparent soullessness of such a product to focus on the emotion and story around it, you might find something nice. It’s more than just a cash grab, but we tend to forget about that when the advertising is shoved in oiur faces. And hey, much like the original Space Jam, it’s average but fine for a couple laughs. It’s memorable… perhaps not for all the right reasons.

#14. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

As far as adaptations go, this one does everything we could expect: It converts the story of the original game into a format more suited for film, but keeps everything that matters. The story of the titular Prince (named Dastan by the adaptation) once again features him finding and using a magical dagger that can rewind the previous ten seconds. This becomes useful on a quest where he must avenge the death of his adoptive father the King, which he has been accused of. Okay, so perhaps the film meanders more on the geopolitical side of things as a result of expanding the story into a more realistic world.

Alfred Molina? Also not of Middle-Eastern
descent. 

Now, if they had used more actors of Middle-Eastern descent to represent the people from Arabic countries accurately, instead of whitewashing most of them pulling from popular names in Hollywood... Look, Jake Gyllenhall’s a cool actor and all, but his casting feels more than a bit out of place. The adaptation is also plagued by other minor issues regarding pacing and dialogue. In the end, I do still believe it’s a fine film, even if I think it could have been improved overall. What’s the phrase again? “Perfectly serviceable entertainment”? Yeah, that works.

Man, I had forgotten just how much of a bloodbath that story turns into. I mean, when the endgame for the protagonist is to rewind time for a period long enough to undo the film’s events, script-writers can go all-out without any worries.

#13. The Angry Birds Movie

Yeah, I share your pain, Red. When this
movie wants you to understand that these
characters are annoying, it goes all-out.

Starting the upper half of this list is the group of odd birds who crash into piggy constructs. I remember being surprised at the level of quality of this film, in both animation and writing – there’s a lot of cleverness here that doesn’t get enough credit. Plenty of great jokes as well. I do mean plenty – not all. For starters, the entire concept of “Angry Birds” is taken literally as the main characters are all birds with anger issues (or at least, so we’re told). There’s a swath of running gags that keep coming back.

The pigs, upon arrival, bring the intelligence of the comedy down a couple notches. God are the piggies dumb. From that point onwards, although there’s still a lot of jokes that land, it becomes much more of a mixed bag. Between an uncomfortable gag involving Mighty Eagle relieving himself and the dozen jokes about Chuck (the speedy yellow bird voiced by Josh Gad)’s depraved bisexuality… For God’s sake, his immediate response to seeing all the eggs stolen is to suggest the birds just make new ones. I’m pretty sure bisexuals are tired of being represented in fiction as sex-crazed maniacs.

I rant but overall the rest of the movie was still made with enough care, creativity and cleverness to let me look past those issues. Not gonna say it’s a must-see, but it’s decent enough to deserve the #13 spot. The film had a sequel released in 2019; I still haven’t seen it in its entirety, but the reviews are positive, so maybe I ought to check it out in full eventually.

P.S. Bomb is still adorable.

Still haven't found a plushie of him.

#12. Ralph Breaks the Internet

Any film about the Internet is bound to be divisive. Disney took that bet regardless with the 2018 sequel to their 2012 movie Wreck-It Ralph. What is there to expect? Commentary on Internet culture, a lot of shameless self-promotion, and a lot of jokes about memes, some of which I bet are dated already. It’s an interesting tale about Ralph’s insecurities and him learning to let his best friend go and live her life. The film’s writers did some of the homework; they make a lot of accurate jokes about the Internet, including the “don’t read the comments” part. Oh yeah, and the attention to detail – Disney excels at that.

I never thought that Disney, of all studios, would make a
film that features both a pastiche of an M-rated game
and a representation of the Dark Web.

The metaphorical Internet is a bit confused and bizarre in places, but that’s forgivable. However, the film has no understanding of how video monetization and viral content works. The morals are muddled in execution. There's an attempt to correct a perceived blind spot from the Aesop of the original Wreck-It Ralph, but the execution misses the mark and instead comes across as trying to negate/deny that original Aesop. Well, at least there isn’t a twist villain.

I still think it’s a very good movie, despite all the flaws I’ve found in it. It’s a situation where the flaws don’t detract a ton from the overall quality of the product, in my case at least. It’s the sort of movie where I definitely understand why someone wouldn’t enjoy it, though.

#11. Ratchet & Clank

I still haven’t played a Ratchet & Clank game. However, I reviewed the movie in October of 2020, and I still believe it’s a decent movie. The animation is very good (especially for a 20M$ budget) and the franchise’s regular voice actors reprise the major roles for the feature while big names were called to round out the cast (most surprisingly of all, Sylvester Stallone for a role that turns out to be secondary). We even get a handful of Easter Eggs!

Dangit, Ratchet and Clank are adorable even
while pointing a laser gun at someone.

The humor is mostly spot-on, with several good character-based gags. The film utilizes self-referential/meta humor a lot as well, though perhaps a little too much in what seems like an attempt to feel clever. It’s also reaching for relevance; jokes about compulsive texting were nothing new, even back in 2016… also it doesn’t really fit the universe, does it? Last but not least, the story is fine, but nothing outstanding, picking themes and beats from similar plots. There’s little that we haven’t seen here before in other science-fiction or comedy films/shows.

Although I wouldn’t consider it a required watch, this is an enjoyable 94 minutes. Good enough to be deserving of its spot here, at least – I didn’t find as many major flaws with it than I did while reviewing the Angry Birds Movie or Ralph Breaks the Internet, hence why it ranks higher. It’s well-deserving of its position as a piece of media that’s good, but not great.

#10. Ready Player One

Steven Spielberg managed an impressive tour de force with this one. Not only does it reference plenty of media from the 1980s to now, from video games to film and everything in-between, with properties from several different parent companies actually appearing together… But also, he took a garbage book that nonetheless had a potent starting idea, and made it into an actual good story.

At least the film makes VR look sorta-cool.

The movie shares some of the flaws of the novel it’s based on; an overreliance on pop culture references, for starters. It also doesn’t completely rid itself of the nasty air of geeky gatekeeping/elitism permeating the original text, though it’s much less prominent. The Aesop of not losing yourself in your passions and your escapism is lost when the protagonists doing exactly that is what saves the day.

There's something really weird in seeing these CGI
characters, which are not meant to blend in with the
live-action world, freely walking around the Overlook Hotel.

The switch to a visual medium leads to impressive imagery, like the characters’ avatars visiting the hotel from The Shining, or them hacking the game to appear in live-action to the villain, taking him by surprise. The unnecessary challenges are ditched, and more focus is placed on the women of the cast. Whereas the character of Samantha Cooke was almost ignored even in her own moments of awesome in the book, here she gets many moments to shine. The cast is also more diverse and references are made to Black culture of the ‘80s, which the book lacked. In short: All of the changes made from book to film were good ideas.

Oh, and since that review, Ready Player Two, the sequel novel, came out, and predictably, it’s also been called garbage. So I’m not missing out on much. Anyway, I feel like the film deserves this place on top of the “middle” list; it lacks that little something to break through, but is almost there.

See you this Friday for Part 3, ranking the best films – from #9 to #1.

All VGFlicks, Ranked Worst to Best (#26-#19)

(#26-#19) - (#18-#10) - (#09-#01)

Since 2014, I’ve been covering video game movies under the VGFlicks subtitle, whether they are film adaptations of existing franchises or stories that involve video games to some extent but aren’t adaptations of games. I also reviewed quite a few movies that I’ve seen in theaters without giving them a full-length review. I was waiting until I had covered over 24 movies to make an interesting list.

Well, I currently have 26 movies on the list. I put them together in a page on TierListMaker, which can be accessed here. Note that that list includes some movies that I’m planning to cover on the blog eventually. I encourage folks to make their own tier lists from that page and to share them! In the meantime, I’ve made my own and will be sharing my thoughts here on the placement of each film, and my reasoning behind the position. I’ve made sure to reread my own reviews for that purpose. Also note that I’m covering less than 10 films per article, since I try to condense my thoughts about each to justify the position. Last but not least, I’m going from worst to best – therefore, we’re going over the bad ones today.

Let’s begin with the absolute worst.

#26. Gamer

I don’t recall watching this film since 2014, and if I did, I feel I would only despise it more. I can’t think of a single pleasant thing about it. The tone is nasty, the imagery is gross, and the rhythm is all over the place (That editing is atrocious!)… This may be one of the only times I uttered what TVTropes calls the eight deadly words: “I don’t care what happens to these people”. The characters I do want to root for, the rare likeable ones, are either put through Hell or unceremoniously killed.

Michael C. Hall hamming it up.
No, it salvages nothing from the film.

If there’s a tying theme to everything I do, it’s the notion of respect; expect it to crop up a lot on this list, as a lot of the better video game movies are respectful to gamers while the worse ones…well, aren’t. This is the most unflattering portrayal of gamers that I’ve ever seen. The main gamer character is an egocentric asshole (who only chooses to do the right thing in time for the climax), and the only other one we see is a morbidly obese slob willingly making the character he controls, an actual human being within the context of this film, get sexually assaulted. Any respite among the other characters? Nope – the actual protagonist, Johnn Tillman AKA Kable (played by Gerard Butler), is perfectly willing to kill innocents on his quest.

It is, still to this day, the most miserable viewing experience I’ve had – and ironically, it was also my very first proper movie review on the blog. Here’s to hoping I NEVER have to review another movie as bad as this.

#25. Max Payne

Mark Wahlberg has been a standout actor in several films; this isn’t one of them. In fact, the performances in this film are unremarkable across the board. That’s not even the worst part about this movie that stands as one of the most awful film adaptations of video game franchises. I remember the color-coding, grey for most of the film, and in color only when something interesting was going on; the unremarkable special effects; the plot twist, which made no sense whatsoever within the context of the film; oh, and there’s so much more.

Pictured: Max Payne (right) and one of the most
poorly-implemented twist villains that I have
ever seen (left).

Now, in all fairness, an attempt was made – to homage the original game, we even have the super slow-mo sections where Max gets heightened senses. Shame it only happens twice over the course of the entire film! There’s plenty of references to Norse Mythology, much like the games the film adapts; but the adaptation seems to use it like a crutch. It doesn’t even edit its own sets to reflect changes in the script – the Valkyr drug at the center of the plot is a liquid to be drunk, but there’s still graffiti around the city showing a V with a syringe! Well, that’s a staple of terrible films: Rewritten mid-filming, creating inconsistencies up the wazoo.

It’s a bad movie of the type that isn’t even fun to watch for a few laughs. Steer clear, this is not worth your attention.

Also, the poor Ludacris has roles in the two films I’ve reviewed that I consider the worst. Dude had no luck with his acting career in the late 2000’s.

#24. The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Nothing quite sums up the film as Mario, his
adopted son Luigi (??!) and the "princess"
Daisy talking to the real King (???!) of the
Dinosaur Universe, currently a fungus (?!?!?).

A movie so miserable, even the actors hated the experience of filming it. Like many bad films, the script saw several rewrites – even mid-filming! – and the directors kept arguing with each other over what to do with the product. The result is an unfocused, poorly-executed, garbled mess of bad ideas, very few of which fit the tone of the Mario franchise. Now, the film came out in 1993, and admittedly there wasn’t much to work from at the time. The film references games all the way to Super Mario World, with the appearance of Toad, Yoshi and Princess Daisy (the latter from Super Mario Land), but little of that actually salvages anything. At least, it’s silly enough to make it come past “unwatchable bad” into “hilariously bad”. Dennis Hopper’s memetic moments as King Koopa certainly help.

It’s still bad enough that I won’t recommend it if you want to watch a movie based on the Mario universe. Some argue that it’s more enjoyable if you pretend it’s not a Mario film; I disagree. Even without the Mario name attached to it, this would still be stupid and terrible, because all the flaws of a bad film are still there.

Oh, and that's a Goomba. Sleep well!

With this, a parenthesis: You probably wonder what I think of the upcoming animated Super Mario movie by Illumination, featuring Chris Pratt as Mario and Jack Black as Bowser. Eh, Illumination have their own formulaic issues that you can see in several of their movies, but I generally enjoy what they do; their films are high-quality and quite fun. I have my reserves about Pratt; the guy is a decent actor but I have high doubts on his ability to portray a good Mario, especially after so many years we’ve spent hearing Charles Martinet in the role. (Jack Black, though? Heck yeah, bring it on.)

#23. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

Style over substance? More like "tech display
over substance".

Back when motion capture was still a new idea for CGI animation, we got this film that felt like a tech demo for the technology. And credit where due, this did offer a nice insight into what mo-cap and CGI could achieve, on top of having some of the most stunning and detailed models of the early 2000s. Sure, it’s outmatched by today’s standards, but it was impressive for a long time (and still is, to some extent). However, though this has the Final Fantasy name attached to it, this film’s about as far removed from that franchise as can be, with only a glimpse of ‘fantasy’ to its plot.

As I said in my original review, everything here is average or uninspired at best; some characters exist only as monster fodder and as such get only one major character trait to show off when on-screen. General Hein, the villain, is a cartoonish yet unmemorable butthole. The performances aren’t fantastic either. To top it off, the color palette is rather grey – sure, it’s got more color than Max Payne, but very little actually stands out, meaning that most of the details are barely visible.

This film’s biggest crime is to be forgettable and boring, which admittedly means I could rank it a little better than some films that follow. It’s still, in my opinion, a good watch if only for the technology on display.

#22. War Games: The Dead Code

Sorry, buddy, you don't have Matthew
Broderick's charisma.

You want to talk about a movie whose plot wouldn’t exist without three dozen contrived coincidences? Look no further. The Dead Code is a sequel nobody asked for to a beloved film from the ‘80s, and was released straight-to-DVD. WarGames neither needs nor demands a sequel, however; it’s perfectly self-contained. This sequel at least does what any good sequel should do: It treads new ground while building up from the foundation set by the film it follows. It has story beats one would expect due to its status as a sequel: Stephen Falken returns (albeit played by a different actor), and the WOPR is once again a key element of the story. And much like any other sequel, the stakes (and resulting damage) are also greater.

The characters are fine for the most part, with one exception (I still despise Dennis with a burning passion, that character is a waste of air). I’m also not a fan of how weird the plot had to be for any of the intrigue to work; so many contrivances that are beyond improbable even within the setting. At least I understand it more now that I’ve seen and reviewed the original WarGames for this blog. In all fairness, I think I remembered it worse than it actually was – sure it’s not all that good, but ultimately I’m not too bothered by it. Forgettable and unnecessary, but that's about it. (Shame, too, because Colm Feore is always a fun actor to see in a film.)

#21. Hard Corner: Le Film

Expect a lot of gaming references.

Hey, remember when reviewers on YouTube made movies? I wish I could forget some of those movies. Benzaie, the French video game collector and reviewer, had his own opus in 2014, following the origin story of his greasy Hard Corner gaming store owner. What makes this list unfair for this film in particular is that I’m pitting it against Hollywod productions while it’s a labor of love, an independent product made on a small budget – so of course it wouldn’t look great in comparison. In spite of that, I still felt it fared better than some of said Hollywood productions.

Yeah, the ccomedy is pure early-2010s Internet. It’s got bawdy humor, grossout humor, moments of sheer stupidity… The characters aren’t all that endearing either, and there’s padding that the film could have been done without. In the end, it’s an elongated episode of Benzaie’s Hard Corner, which is fine if you enjoy his YouTube series (which has come to an end in 2021), but your mileage may vary on whether that translated well to a feature-length production.

But I’m not too mad at it, because it’s a YouTuber making a dream come true and, as far as I can tell, there haven’t been any massive controversies or problems to arise from the creation of that feature. That’s more than I can say of some other movies I’ve seen from YouTubers and/or critics…

#20. Pixels

How did Sandler and Gad's characters, whose
experience is limited to playing arcade games,
become amazing shooters instantly on the 
field just because they were battling Centipede?

At least this one is well-made, it has excellent production values, the actors play their roles right (unfortunately), the special effects are impressive and many scenes are enjoyable, even if they don’t make any sense even in context. Other than that… yeah, there isn’t much to salvage in Pixels, the film starring Adam Sandler. It ranks above the Super Mario Bros. movie because the director, Chris Columbus, actually knew what he was doing. I still consider this one to be quite terrible, but it’s the sort of badness one can laugh at.

The film is constantly inconsistent, the characters are a mixed bag (Peter Dinklage is hilarious playing a mullet’ed asshole, but Josh Gad is infuriating as a conspiracy theorist nut; Sandler’s character is okay at best). There’s a gross air of casual sexism to how 3/4ths of the characters basically earn women at the end of the film. My nerdy self can’t help but point out how the film doesn’t even adhere to its set-up of the aliens picking gaming references from before 1982. Oh, and what about all the facts they get wrong? I’m still hung up over every mistake the film made about Pac-Man (even if the sequence was cool, I’ll give them that).

That does look cool.

So, it’s of the quality you might expect from the average Sandler film. I won’t go as far as to say that I’ve mellowed towards it, but comparing it to other films I’ve reviewed helped put it in perspective. It’s still bad (hence its position on the list), but I’ve seen worse. Still wouldn’t recommend.

#19. Spy Kids 3D: Game Over

I do have a soft spot for this one, considering I saw it in theaters when I was a kid. In spite of that, I have to acknowledge the massive flaws in it. Harmless but still pretty dumb, Spy Kids 3D is terrible and makes no sense… but at least it rolls back to being funny. Even by family film standards, this isn’t too great. The CGI looked dated when the film was released, in 2003, though I assume that was intentional. The "video game" at the center of the plot is poorly defined and runs on complete nonsense. Or it runs exclusively on what might look cool for the kids watching, sense be damned.

I’m genuinely not mad at this one, because it’s such a funny ride in spite of its very low quality. The one critique I do have is that the film seems to justify its own low quality by being for children. That doesn’t excuse anything. How many films for children have I reviewed on this blog that were of better quality than this? At least everyone who worked on it seemed to know it wasn’t great, so many actors gave their silliest performances (though some did come across as bland). Sylvester Stallone, in particular, is hilarious here. It was also Ricardo Montalbán’s final live-action performance, so he at least tried to deliver something heartfelt and sincere in spite of the surrounding silliness. He's the one to resolve everything, by having a sincere talk with the villain!

I legit don’t know if I reviewed any film that adhered so well to the statement “so bad it’s good”. As a result, Spy Kids 3D: Game Over is a part of the more negative portion of the list, but deserves to at least be considered above the other “bad” films I’ve reviewed.

See you soon for Part 2 of this list: The middle ground.