James Noir's Hollywood Crimes

Who would need a story to
enjoy a 3D Picross anyway?

I’ve frequently wondered how puzzle games could have stories. For several of them, the answer is simple: They don’t. They give their challenges to the players, and that’s it. Other games attempt to tie the puzzles to the plot. This, however, usually means creating all sorts of different puzzles instead of focusing on only one type. Today's game fits the latter, and is also a mystery story involving murders that must be solved.

However, Professor Layton this isn’t. 

James Noir’s Hollywood Crimes was developed by Ubisoft and released on the Nintendo 3DS on November 1st, 2011 in North America. The game utilizes all the capabilities of the console, even the camera and the built-in tilt detection for some puzzles. It also does things I don’t recall seeing in games before… and it’s not exactly a great thing. I think it will be best explained as I cover the plot. How does it go?

(For the sake of explaining the plot, I'll use the second person, since the game tries so hard to involve the player in the plot.)

Something looks really uncanny about this.

In June 1961, "you" are auditioning for the hit TV gameshow The Incredible Puzzle Masters, hosted by Glenn Darnby. How the show works: Two contestants alternate weeks, the first contestant on week #1, the second on week #2, the first contestant returns for week #3, and so on. This goes on for a maximum of six rounds. On each round, both participants have to reach a score. The first participant must reach the score, and the second must also reach it and beat the other's performance. The required number of points increases for Round 2, and puzzles get tougher, but the rewards increase. The game ends when either contestant doesn’t reach a round’s required score, or the second participant doesn’t beat the score of the first. The winner’s prize is a year-long trip around the world, with all expenses paid by the show.

I actually wonder how a TV show could make these
puzzles interesting for the watching audience...
By the way, I would like to thank YouTuber Placlutwo's
playthrough of the game for most of my screenshots.

See if you can solve that one!

You fill out a form indicating your name, gender and birth date. Why? I’ll explain soon. Then, a picture of you is taken with the Nintendo 3DS camera. You better make it look good, because you’ll be seeing your own face a lot. Then, you’re given a somewhat easy puzzle to solve in which you must observe a construction from all angles to find a number and write it down. You also get to meet another interviewee, Marcus White, who is quite confident that he’ll be selected. 

Monique says roughly one of three lines
every time we go back to the scoreboard.

He’s selected and so are you, as you learn during a phone call on June 19th. You are contestant #2, coming in on the week after White. You meet Darnby, and go on the show where you see then see 12 puzzles to solve, each with a score. You are allowed three hints on each puzzle, and are awarded an extra 5 points per unused hint. The score to reach is 80 (White got 85).

The game’s box proudly advertises that it features over 140 puzzles for you to solve. With 12 puzzles per round, over siux rounds, that’s 72 already. If this game show sounds to you like an excuse to shove as many puzzles as possible in a space where they won’t be a bother to the plot itself, don’t worry – that’s exactly what it is. 

After successfully completing a round of the show, you get to see your progress – the score discrepancy with Marcus White, the number of fans earned, and so on. For each new percentage of fans earned, you earn one new fan letter delivered directly to your hotel, for a total of 100 letters. After the show has ended, Glenn Darnby takes you out for a drink, but you're interrupted by an FBI agent, Matt Booker, whom the player already knows.

Cool for you. Wow, FBI agent. Nice.
And what do you think I'm doing? Uhhhhhhhhh..............

If you wonder why the game asked for so many details, here’s why. For starters, there are small changes to the plot depending on the gender you selected. If you identified as male on the form, Matt Booker will say that you were college roommates back in the day. If you picked female, you’re instead… exes. Geez, that’s some extra pressure. The game also asked for your birth date. That information does show up in places; in particular, between chapters of the story, you get to read your “horoscope”. It will consist of two sentences hinting at some of the events and puzzles you’ll soon take part in. It may even give a free hint. That's all fine and good, but... the horoscope doesn't even change based on sign!

How do I know? I had my mom, who's a Capricorn, try out the game (I'm Leo; and the player of the playthrough I use for images is a Scorpio). All the horoscopes wound up saying the same thing.

I'm still not sure how these things were built...
remember, it's 1961.

It's a 9! No, it's a 6 upside down!
It's a snail! Oh right, just a number...

Matt says that before this new season of The Incredible Puzzle Masters began, strange murders started happening around Hollywood, and the victims are previous winners of the show. Puzzles were found around the crime scenes, and he needs your help to solve them as they may contain clues about their next victims. You’re shown photos of the crime scenes, and somehow you can solve the puzzles from them. The second puzzle you solve on the first crime scene involves observing a pile of wood from all angles in order to find a number. …A puzzle very similar to the one completed during the audition. The culprit could be someone working on the game show. 

The puzzles solved on the first crime scene lead to an address, in which is found the second victim, with puzzle cubes in his hands. Is it just me, or it’s really forced? It’s the flimsiest of reasons to involve puzzles – “the serial killer is obsessed with games and puzzles so he leaves some around”, like some sort of Riddler from Batman, except stupid. After solving the puzzles, Matt wishes the player good luck on the show and leaves. 

No thanks, I don't get buddy-buddy with
the competition. Also I'm pretty sure you're
the killer

At any moment, the player can return to their hotel room from the Start menu. There are several things they can do from there: 

-Resume the story where it was left off; 

-Replay the story’s chapters, thus allowing you to go through their puzzles again; or play through the puzzles on the game show, divided by episode, which means you can go back and properly finish all 12 challenges proposed on any of them (as the story moves on once you beat Marcus White's score). 

-Options to go to another in-game profile, change the music and sound volume, toggle the subtitles or take a new photo.

-Last but not least… the fan mail. 

These are letters delivered to your hotel room. Like everything else in the game, there’s a very corny tone to some of the letters, but it’s also an unfortunately accurate depiction of what receiving fan mail might be like. People that you’ve never met, who think you’ve done stuff specifically for them, just because you’re on TV; people who think that you owe them only because you’re suddenly famous, and get angry because you never talk to them – even though you have no idea who they are; and several who send hate mail, which, yep, goes all the way to wishing death on you BECAUSE YOU’RE WINNING A FUCKING TV SHOW. 

I’m glad I’m not famous. 

In a wham moment for the game, starting at letter #34, some of the messages you receive are written by the murderer; well-written, but terrifying statements from a deranged individual not only taking sick glee in their murders, but also nesting a creepy and chilling obsession for the main character. And you receive more than one of those...

(Yes, my game is in French. Here's what this letter from the killer says: "When you look at the camera, I have the impression that you're looking at me. Only me. I try to resemble you when I kill. Then I get the impression that you'e by my side." .....Did it get cold in here, or it's just a chill down my spine?)

Sometimes, you’ll get letters from people who work on the show (Darnby, his assistant Monique, producer Trudy Mills, and also M. White). Last but not least, roughly one out of five letters will come with a puzzle of its own.

Who the fuck designs gear systems like this??

The puzzles solved with Matt Booker lead to coordinates for another address. You know, it strikes me as odd that the FBI would get involved in a case that consists of only two murders so far. Sounds like it’s stepping on the local police’s jurisdiction. Also weird how, when you solve puzzles during the investigation parts, if you get an answer wrong while Booker’s around, he’ll say “That doesn’t seem right, try again”. Takes me out of the immersion a bit. If we’re being generous, we could say that you’re just re-solving things that FBI has done already, and confirming their findings. But then, why do they need you?

Oh, a quick thing that annoys me with the puzzles: When you have to answer with a number, you write it on the touch screen, and the game then equates it to a number. No number pad! The game will sometimes interpret what you wrote into the wrong number. Not so bad, right? Well, then you get to two- and three-digit numbers, and if a single digit is wrong, you have to rewrite all of them. No way to correct just the one that’s a mistake. Thankfully those puzzles aren't common, but it's a very crappy idea.

You can probably see it, but in case you don't:
This is literally less than a second of animation,
looped over and over, of Darnby talking and raising
his glass. Can you say "cheap animation effect"?

And now we get to the most annoying part of the game: The way the cutscenes are presented. At first, you might think that they’re presented like the Full-Motion Videos of the Sega MegaCD era (think Night Trap). Then things get odd. It looks like the characters repeat the same movements over and over, and the lips don’t match the text. Those are basically big character sprites with a looping animation a second long, and it gets old fast. Sure, each character has a handful of those animations, but they’re jarring to watch. Add to this that several characters repeat the same lines of dialogue, which kills off any illusion of life. It’s particularly glaring in the segments of The Incredible Puzzle Masters, where Glenn Darnby and Monique repeat the same sentences and movements over and over… and over... and over. Booker's not free from it, either. Oh, and the delivery of the lines is so, so bad, as well! It's like these actors never emoted in their lives before!

Also, when you resume playing and when starting a new chapter, the game forces you to watch a recap of what happened so far. Is it afraid that we’ll lose interest in its intrigue? Come on now.

Hey! I've never been.... severe!

After the second round of the show, the player is contacted by Booker and driven to the next crime scene. While alone in the car, the protagonist snoops into the agent’s glove box and finds a psychiatric hospital dossier… on themselves. Something about their obsession for solving puzzles, a depression two years prior, schizophrenic incidents, and amnesia. Booker suspects the player of being the killer, and has documented evidence to support these suspicions. The two arrive at a cinema and investigate, and from solving the riddles, the player finds the third victim. 

So there's a message on the curtain, huh?
I bet anything it's "TRY ME!"
I can tell even without doing the puzzle.

During that time, the third, fourth and fifth rounds take place, with the game reaching a sixth round for the first time in its run. The latest coordinates lead to a house that turns out to be "your" old home. The two investigate and eventually find all three trophies in the basement, surrounded by puzzles. All of the clues point to you being the killer, and Booker considers having enough proof to properly arrest you. 

Ah yes, prison has puzzles too.
Makes total sense.

As a result, you're sent to prison. After waking up from a nightmare involving – you guessed it – puzzles to solve, you’re awoken by the prison mail delivery. You receive a letter coming from the killer, who claims he has kidnapped Matt Booker and is willing to spare him… if you escape from prison and return to the studio where The Incredible Puzzle Masters is filmed. The letter details how to escape and what to do afterwards.

...Dude, you don't have what it takes to
set up Shadow Games.

Upon getting to the studio, you hear the killer’s modified voice on the speakers, with Booker pleading to be rescued. More puzzles must be solved to enter. And who’s waiting inside but… Matt Booker, alone, visibly deranged? Yep, that was him the whole time. Gee, it’s almost like every time he told you to try a puzzle again, it’s because he knew you didn’t have the correct answer. Props to the game, it’s a surprising twist; unfortunately, it’s also not a very good one as it creates more questions and plot holes than it solves. 

Booker forces you to play a twisted version of The Incredible Puzzle Masters. He attaches electrodes to you and him – when you fail a puzzle (which, from what I've understood, just can't happen), you get a shock; if you beat one, Booker gets it instead, with the “winner” of the whole game killing the loser. Gotta give it to the guy, Booker is a more interesting host than Darnby! And yeah, it’s scary, but like everything else so far it’s also corny beyond words. The creepy ambiance is set by things like the empty audience and the puzzles’ victory jingles, which resonate off-key and distorted. 

Other than that, the puzzles don't change.
It's business as usual.

That's okay officer, he was about to kill
himself for losing the game. The prints would
have been all over his button, I have done
nothing to him.

When you reach the goal score of 480, Booker tries to off himself, but actual cops arrive just in time, cut his device’s power, and arrest him. You face some justice for escaping from prison, but outside of that, the player is thanked for stopping a dangerous criminal. By the way, what about The Incredible Puzzle Masters? Well, Marcus White has won by default, but you’re nonetheless given a chance to play your final round. 

To no one’s surprise, you win, and are given the same prize: A year-long trip around the world, all expenses paid. After the show, the producer, Trudy, comes in with a letter sent by a fan from the local penitentiary. It comes with a little box that’s also a puzzle. When it’s opened, it reveals a brick much like the ones the player took out to escape. Remember how the killer told you exactly how to escape? He’s out there… On this cliffhanger/twist, roll the end credits! 

Well, my day is ruined.

That story was a poorly-presented mess, but the puzzles are alright. Definitely, the puzzles are a highlight. It’s unfortunate that most of them are knocked out of the total by being presented through the TV show (72 plus another 12 for the twisted version with Booker as the host). Then, on the side, there’s roughly 20 extra puzzles in the fan mail, for a total of 104, leaving only about 40 puzzles with any plot relevance. I’m pretty sure other puzzle collections with stories attached find better ways to incorporate puzzles in ways that matter.

Here is the puzzle type I hated the most in the game:
The "Jukebox" puzzles. Those were a goddamn chore.

On the plus side, there’s all sorts of puzzles. The plot-relevant puzzles are fairly creative, although the set-up feels forced. Literally: “Hey, there was a murder here, but there’s like five Rubik’s cubes, thirty Sudoku, twelve Hanjie and a checkers game to play first.” I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea. What the game is missing is a menu option in which you can access all of the puzzles in one place, perhaps even sorted by type since many puzzle types come back. As it stands, it’s rather messy, with the challenges split between the story-based brain twisters, the ones on The Incredible Puzzle Masters, and the ones found in fan mail (though I do like that you can get puzzles through the mail). As for difficulty, for the most part, only the ones late in the game were hard enough to make me use hints.

That this freaking PSYCHO is allegedly "your"
ex in the game's plot, if you pick "female" for
gender, adds insult to injury.
At least, that explains the breakup.

The story… God damn, the story is stupid. Whichever way you look at it, this is stupid. We’re not exactly dealing with Jigsaw here. In-between rounds of the game show, we have this story where the player is completely played by the very killer that they’re supposedly hired to stop. The mystery keeps you guessing – is Darnby the killer? Marcus White? Monique or Ms. Mills? Scratch that, are YOU really the killer after all? I know that “The protagonist was the killer all along” has been done enough to be a cliché, but it would have been a better twist than what we got. The calm, composed “FBI agent” was somehow able to make everyone believe his charade, and hold that façade in front of everyone in spite of his horribly deranged mind, as proven by the few letters you get from him, only to behave like a giggling lunatic in the final confrontation. Like I said – the reveal is shocking, sure, but it’s a bad twist as it makes less sense the longer you think about it. 

The game uses of all of the Nintendo 3DS’ functions. It seldom uses the tilt detection, but the camera is used a few times through the story. And if your first photo taken during the game show auditions was bad, you can change it in the game’s options. That particular picture will show up a lot through the story. The horoscope is a nice idea, but completely useless since it always said the same thing for every sign on each chapter. This could have been done in a far more interesting way.

A pretty mediocre game overall – decent puzzles, but you can skip it. There's very little here that makes the game worth getting.