I've
realized something about Mario games. For some reason, I'm a huge fan
of the series, and as a result I feel like I can be more critical of
it. I keep punching on the series even though I should be supposed to
praise it. Maybe my constant exposition to the franchise means I see
all of its defects, and I see them clearly. Maybe it's because I keep myself
informed more on this franchise than on any other. Or maybe it's just
that sense of nostalgia that keeps pulling me back towards the
red-clad plumber, his cowardly but funny brother, a peachy princess
who never raises her own castle's security levels, and a
fire-breathing dragon-turtle even though I should dislike the series. Either way, I am more critical, and it
shows pretty much every time I review a Mario game. Mario Pinball
Land is an ungodly abomination that should have never been made, and
I also strongly hated Mario Party 2, mostly because of the story that
did not respect the game's own rules and gave Mario the final reward
even if he had no influence in the plot whatsoever becaUSE THERE'S
MARIOCENTRISM AND IT PISSES ME OFF AND SCREW THIS GAME AND SCREW THIS
GAME AND SCR-
Woah,
I almost lost it again for a second.
Those
two are bad examples of Mario games. The game I'm reviewing today is
a much better example. If you want to see Mario in his element, you
have to look at the platformers. The early Mario platformers from
the NES, GB and SNES consoles are classics. Well... most of them are
classics. Which is why Nintendo decided, with the arrival of the
Nintendo DS, to bring some old-school in the new generation of
consoles. They brought Mario back to 2D side-scrolling platformers.
For the first time since Super Mario World in 1990, in fact. New
Super Mario Bros. came out in 2006 and was a much welcome return to
the plumber's roots. So welcome, in fact, that many 2D Mario
platformers would be released afterwards, following this one's success.
Also,
it has a mini-game mode. Just throwing it out there since I'll have to talk about it. So let's jump into New Super Mario Bros. and
see just what's so great about it!
For
starters, it's a Mario platformer game. Therefore, don't expect a
huge story. It's simple as 1-2-3: Peach gets kidnapped, Mario runs
after the villain, defeats him a few times, and in the final castle
of World 8, he fights Bowser and incapacitates him for a few weeks
(how else can you explain that he keeps coming back?), saves the
princess, gets a kiss on his gaul-ish nose, roll the credits.
 |
| Uh oh! Peach! Look behind you! I swear there's a bratty Bowser kid behind you! |
And
oh hey, that's exactly what happens! Okay, here's a greater
description. Mario and Peach were taking a walk when they see black
clouds appear over Peach's Castle. Mario runs there to investigate,
but Bowser Jr. arrives from behind and kidnaps Peach. Alerted by her
screams, Mario runs back and chases the young dragon-turtle, who somehow gets the upper hand and, through a series of funny sounds,
hits Mario and runs away. Mario is now Small Mario, a form we hadn't seen much in a while.
And
there our game begins- Wait a second! Did I forget to mention that if
you press L and R while selecting a save file, you'll instead play as
Luigi? That's awesome! You can play the whole game as Luigi! The
second fiddle can act like he's the hero for once!
 |
| Sheesh, compared to later worlds, this is Heaven. |
Moving
on. How does this game work? It's simple, really. At first only one
level is available in a world; beat that one, and another is
unlocked; and so on, and so forth. I mean, what platform game doesn't
follow that logic? Sometimes in this game, as you're navigating the world, going
from a level to another, you'll stumble upon three different types of
Toad Houses:
-Red
ones, which contain a box that you can tap to get a random item.
Okay, not THAT random; the items follow a pattern, so you can hit the
box when you think you'll get the item you want.
-Green
ones, in which six question blocks are shuffled; three of them
contain regular 1-Up Mushrooms. One contains a 1-Up Mushroom X3
panel. One contains a X2 panel that doubles the amount of 1-Up
Mushrooms you've won so far. The last one contains a Bowser panel,
and getting this one ends the mini-game. At the end, if you were
lucky, you come out with 10 additional lives! Ain't that great?
-And
finally, yellow Toad Houses with red spots. What's in those? Just a large question block that contains a Mega Mushroom.
Oh,
right! I had almost forgotten! There's a special feature in this
game! Whenever you pick a Power-Up that you already have, or a
power-up of lesser importance than the one you have now, it's placed
on the bottom screen. If you get hit, you can tap that Power-Up to
have it appear above your character. It can often decide between
victory and defeat, so it's a great idea. However, it's not that
new... There were similar systems in Super Mario Bros. 3 (where you
could earn lots of items thanks to some Toad Houses; the items were
stored for you and you could access them anytime), and in Super Mario
World (where you could store an item in a box on top of the screen,
and that item would come down as soon as you got hurt).
 |
| Touch! Touch! Even if you don't need to! Touch! Touch! Even if it will burn you! |
And
now that I'm on the subject of items, there's the regular stuff in
Mario games: The Super Mushroom, the Fire Flower, the invincibility
Star... but you probably knew those. However, you probably don't know
about the new objects in the game.
 |
| Ain't that beautiful? |
First
of all, you've been kicking Koopa shells all day and you want to
know what it feels like to roll free? There are blocks blocking your
way towards a secret exit? You have heroic guilt and want to know
what your enemies feel like when you kick them into their comrades?
Despair no more, the Blue Shell is there for you! Made with 100%
artificial Koopa Troopa shell, you put this on, start running, and
you'll be rolling on the ground in no time! You're also impervious to
most attacks when you hide in it! Heck, the interior is so spacious,
you can fit a flat-screen TV and a toaster, too! No wonder Koopas
love their shells! It also helps swimming underwater, but I strongly
suggest you remove any electrical equipment you store into it before
jumping into the water.
 |
| Available at a "small" price! There's even a "reduction"! Zing! |
Oh,
but what's that? You want to repay your debt in another way? You want
to give your enemies an advantage? You have a superiority complex,
all your friends hate you now, and you want to change that? Use this
Mini Mushroom! Made by splicing a mushroom with the Drink Me potion
from Alice in Wonderland, this Power-Down will make you tiny! So
small, in fact, that you won't be able to kill most enemies unless
you ground-pound them! This item is great for acrobatics, and you can
even run on water thanks to it! Plus, it's required to access some
worlds and some Star Coins. If you complete multiple levels while
tiny, the mushroom may not have an effect on your superiority
complex. Call now before they're all gone, our stock keeps shrinking!
(Pun!)
Oh,
but wait! Are you asking for the opposite? Are you running low on
lives? Or you're just someone who loves destruction? You feel like
the level has annoyed you and you want to take revenge by smashing
absolutely everything? The Mega Mushroom is for you! Once you consume
this large mushroom, you will grow HUGE. The size of the screen!
You'll break everything in your path, no enemies will survive, all
the blocks and pipes will be trampled, crushed or just destroyed!
Also, if you break enough things, you can earn up to five lives! In
fact, you can even break the freaking flagpole! Call now for a solid
minute of shattering fun!
 |
| Ha! Who's laughing NOW, you worthless blocks? |
Let's
see, now... what else is there to mention about the game? Well...
Hey, what's that on the level selection screen? A sign on which
there's a picture of a coin followed by “X5”... Huh? Just five
coins? Sure, deal! ...Hey, wait a minute, it's not working! Oh... I
get it! You see, in this game, there's a side-quest: Every level
contains three Star Coins, some of which are easy to get, others that
are harder. Also, because there are some devious developers doing
dirty deeds to discourage daring dudes (gotta love alliteration),
some of the Star Coins are really well-hidden. As if that wasn't
enough, some can be accessed only by some Mario forms: As an example,
you might need a Mini Mushroom to go down a tiny pipe that is the
sole way to reach one Star Coin, or you have to break blocks that only a
Mario in a rolling shell can break, when there are no Koopas
around.
After
that, you can use five Star Coins to break off signs on the world
maps. Each time such a sign is broken, you gain access to extra
levels, more Toad houses, and you get the option to save! You can go
hunt for five Star Coins, then break a sign and quit playing, you
don't have to wait that the world's Fortress boss or Castle boss is
beaten! You can save at any moment once you've beaten the final boss,
but it's alright, it's also rather easy to save before that. Always
keep a number of Star Coins with you, don't spend them all too
quickly, and when you want to save, just go to a Star Coin sign.
Is
there anything else to know about? Well, there's all the special
features on the world maps. There's the levels, the Toad Houses, the
signs, what have I forgotten about... Oh, right! I already mentioned
the Fortresses (which are the halfway point of each world) and
the Castles (the final level of each world). When you beat either,
you can save your game. But there is another kind of "special" level:
The Ghost Mansions! They return from Super Mario World and, once
again, they're filled with Boos and other ghastly creatures.
No,
not that one! On the other hand, they sure would fit well in these
houses... The ghost mansions are trickier than regular levels because there's some kind of puzzle dimension that is added to them. You have to search for the exit, some Houses become labyrinths, and sometimes you can waste a few hundred seconds on finding the right path. Oh, and there's also big cannons. If you find a secret exit
in a level, you might discover a path leading to a cannon. Usually,
these will throw you three or four worlds beyond the one where you
are.
Talking
about worlds, if you look on the bottom screen on the world maps,
you'll notice that this game has placed the maps in kind of an odd
way... As you can see, there's World 1 first, then World 2... and
then there's a fork in the path! The default one leads to World 3,
the other leads to World 4. Then it's World 5, and then there's yet
another fork in the path that leads to either World 6 or World 7, and
then the two join towards World 8. Hm, I really wonder why... I mean,
if you're not much of a gamer and you're not looking for secrets,
then you will be playing only six worlds. And if you suck at using
Mario with the Mini Mushroom- Oops, I said too much!
Okay,
well... I suppose the time has come to jump into the plot! Now that
I've described everything about the platformer part of the game, I
guess that's all there is to describe now.
After
the hilarious intro (in which Bowser Jr. somehow defeats Mario –
ooh, what a shame for the plumber!), we see Bowser Jr. bring Princess
Peach to the nearest Fortress (side-note: For once, I cannot complain
that her castle's defenses were too weak, as she was kidnapped
outside, during a walk with Mario; good thinking there, Miyamoto). The young turtle-dragon
jumps into the fortress, leaving Mario alone in World 1, the least
dangerous world for obvious reasons. Mario reaches the Fortress and
defeats Bowser Jr., but the Bowser kid runs away. Still with Peach.
Hey, if you do anything wrong to her – slap her in the face, claw
her to open wounds, undo her haircut – you're going to suffer!
 |
| Chandelier platform, spikes, lava, ice blocks and other traps all sold separately. |
She
gave Fox McCloud a cup of tea! Show some respect, jerkass!
 |
| Mario (or Luigi) seems completely unfazed that he just murdered his greatest enemy by making him fall in lava. |
 |
| Mummipokey, huh? Nice to meet you. Are you also a mommy Pokey? Where are your kids? |
Also,
something important to say here. If you somehow manage to run through
the World 2 Castle and then defeat Mummipokey as Mini
Mario (which means you cannot hurt the creature unless you use a
Ground Pound its head), you will access a place that sends
you to the secret World 4! I'm still gonna look at the worlds in the correct order, though.
Well,
I guess it's a good time to take a break. See you Monday for Part 2
of this review.
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