Read Part 1 here.
Welcome
back to this review of StarTropics! Last time, Mike had just left the
fourth island, saved himself and an ugly stereotype from a giant
whale, and received an upgrade to the Sub-C in the form of an
unexpected puzzle that involves a REAL letter owned by the player.
Gotta be thankful that this thing is also in the Virtual Console
version!
Later,
Mike reaches two islands with a huge ship between them. Sadly, it's
impossible to pass from either side of the island, and the locales
aren't exactly open to removing the ship from there. This is the
legendary Captain Bell's ship, which helped greatly in fending off
enemies in times of war, if history is to be believed. These islands
are annoying as Hell, showing how dim-witted and stupid people may be
when they're claiming to do stuff in honor of a historical figure.
The people of Bellcola do not really wish to help, unless you find a
way to remove the ship yourself. Hey, a man's life is possibly in
danger, do I give a crap about your old ship? Erect a statue of
Captain Bell in your village, and get that boat the fuck out of there!
Urgh... Still, Bellcola's chief tells you to find another way, and
that Peter can help.
 |
"Squawk! Squawk! Peter wants a worm!"
What's next, we'll call parrots as witnesses in court? |
Who's
Peter? A parrot. No, really. He speaks. And will not speak to you
unless you give him something, like a worm. Where to get the worm? On
another section of the island, which is kind of far away. A
fisherman gives Mike the worm, and then Mike must go ALL THE WAY BACK
to Peter, who them just says this cryptic message: "Do me so far, do
me?” Uh.... No. I'm not doing you. Yuck. However, if Mike goes back
to the chain of mountains on the other side of the island, he can
find an old tower with a giant organ in it. Do me so far, do me... Do
me so far, do me... Is it possible...? Do mi sol fa, do mi? Is it...
is it possible? Geez, I hope you know your musical notes... Mike
recreates the six-note melody and opens a secret passageway... and
then has to walk through a cave filled with traps. Oh, there's still
a lot of enemies, but there's a ton of traps like spikes, stakes
coming out from the ground, giant bowling balls – I wish I was, but
I'm not kidding – and other fun stuff. That level is very difficult
because of this. But Mike eventually reaches the end and starts a
mechanism that lets the water flow towards the ship, which sinks the Captain Bell memorial. Mike can now go to the next set of islands, while the inhabitants of Bellcola start discovering aircraft technology
in hopes of bombing the C-Sub in a near future.
 |
Is that a bowling ball? Gotta put that picture on Pin-terest!
Or, alternately: That bowling ball comes from a giant who's
aiming for a 300 score. |
Seriously,
what the Hell, Bellcola?
 |
Chapter 6... also known as "WHERE THE HELL AM I?"
or "Hand me the map... what do you mean, there's no map?" |
 |
A fossil monster! I need it
for my Fossil Fighters save file! |
Mike
then winds up in a maze-like section of the ocean where there's many
islands. The robotic buddy tells you at every few squares when you're
getting closer to Dr. J, indicating how many squares left/right or
up/down the Sub-C must go in order to find his location. The
submarine continues on its way, eventually finding the spot. Mike
dives underwater... and finds the remnants of an ancient
civilization! There's something odd about it... Oh well. Mike enters
another dungeon, and discovers a new item: a magic anklet that lets him jump one square further than usual when he's crossing water.
This proves very useful as he needs that ability more than once. He
walks and jumps across the rooms until he has found the boss: A giant
fossil-like monster called Turboss. Think of it as Omastar's Mega
Evolution. However, it's pretty much just a copy of the battle
against Octo the Huge, so I suppose it's an easy fight. Turboss comes closer to the bottom every once in a while, just so it can get hit. Mike keeps
exploring, finds awesome spiked shoes and baseballs, and keeps
going... until he meets a Moai head that comes to life and attacks
him! ...Just when I thought things couldn't get any sillier. This
boss plays pretty much like the C-Serpent, as Mike has to shoot into
the Moai's mouth when it is open. Oh, and only the baseballs can hurt
it. If you know of a reason why, please send me an e-mail with proof
beyond simple assumptions.
 |
I've read that this boss is named Broken Joe. And though
it's a Moai, there's nothing about this guy that is an Easter egg. |
 |
Meh? Let me check... yes. Meh.
A lame boss going against
an awesome weapon. |
Mike
keeps walking through the ruins until he finds a large rock with
three cubic shapes that had been taken out of it. This thing seems
alien, as the writings on it aren't from Earth. I knew there was
going to be aliens in this, the game made too little sense to begin
with. Mike reaches the next cave, which contains even more traps and
dangerous monsters. On the way, he finds the very awesome shurikens.
He always tosses two at once, after which he can split their paths;
one will go left, the other will go right. And that means he can hit
two enemies at once! This is awesome. That weapon proves very useful
in the following rooms... where he meets, among other things, large
Maya dolls that act as mid-bosses. First a room with only one, then a
room with two a little later. The problem with these monsters? Mike
dies instantly if they touch him. Still, the American boy overcomes
the challenges and reaches the last boss... Two statues whose heads
are spitting fireballs. The statues are placed so that Mike can hit
them both at once with the shurikens, so he does just that and beats
the dungeon. That boss was... too easy, to say the least.
 |
"I am the expert here, so you must
accept what I say as fact. And if it
makes no sense? Know that we
live in a freaking weird world." |
We see him again in the ruins, where he finally finds
Dr. J. The scientist explain to him that the big rock and the three
cubes are the remnants of an alien civilization destroyed by an alien
conqueror, and bringing the three cubes together would revive the
alien people who took refuge in them for the trip. Oooo-kay... Uncle,
are you off your meds again? Jones talks about the Argonians and ends
by telling Mike that he must get the cubes. Again, we let the
teenager do all the work! You might be sending your nephew into a
deadly mission and you expect me to accept that? Urgh. The game does expect me to accept that,
so I have no choice.
Heck,
the next level IS ultra-dangerous! The game's hardest level, for
sure! Even good gamers will have problems beating it. Mike enters the
spaceship waiting outside (waiting for what, exactly?), and finds
himself in a gigantic room filled with eye-like cannons, alien
shooters, and more aliens riding evil dogs. ...I think that's what
those pink riders are. This level is extremely difficult, working
like a maze, which makes it even worse. The exit is located in a zone
Mike cannot access by jumping (the gap is too large), so he needs to
find a warp pad that will bring him there. And good God,
there's many warp pads placed all over the level. Good luck finding
the right one! And even if Mike finds the exit, there's still twin
robots in the last room, shooting around to stop him from going
further! Holy wow...
 |
A giant grasshopper robot? What's next, a prime-hunting
raccoon in a team of heroes?? |
Mike
progresses through the spaceship and eventually finds the first
cube... which upgrades his Shooting Star to a brand new yo-yo weapon,
the epic SUPERNOVA. This thing shoots across entire rooms and does
more damage! The only problem is that you can use it only if you have
10 full hearts or more. And with the difficulty now, hearts go down
faster than the birds in Duck Hunt. Luckily, the next level is a
little easier. Mike ventures through the spaceship again, defeating
enemies on the way, until he meets a larger enemy named the Jet-Pack
Jumper. Luckily, it's not THAT hard to beat, so Mike just Supernova's
the Hell out of it and then goes forward. What's at the end of this
tricky level? Another boss... A giant grasshopper robot! It has loads
of HP, but Mike can press a switch to make it fall in the digital
sea below. (wait, there's some sort of endless pit in a spaceship
that hasn't even lifted off??? This. Not. Sense. Makes!) Still, Mike defeats the thing that's
bugging him and enters another section of the ship, where he finds
the second cube. And that cube brings to the maximum his number of
hearts! He has 22 right now! Oh, also... the place starts shaking.
The spaceship rises, and flies away!
This
is it, the final level! Our American hero is about to enter Zoda's
quarters when the alien uses telepathy to tell him how lame, weak and
stupid Mike is. In other words, saying almost everything I said so
far. (Okay, that was a cruel joke.) Look out, Zoda: If you
get too logical, Mike will break your mind with his lack of logic!
Mike jams bananas in his ears to avoid hearing more.
 |
"Hey, I am not a scum! I prefer the term 'meanie'."
Oh, and Mike: Bananas do not protect from telepathy. |
 |
THAT IS NOT ZODA.
Unless... |
Mike
gets in the first room, where Zoda, a hooded figure, transforms into
a giant head with two arms. If they touch you, if you touch them Game Over. And you can
only hurt the head. Plus, like at the start of every chapter, Mike
has ONLY THREE HEARTS DURING THE WHOLE FIGHT. How's that for
difficulty? Still, that form of Zoda is defeated and now, Mike can
move on. He goes through a few screens, defeating enemies along the
way (thanks to the Super Pill that filled all of his hearts), until
he reaches the main the ship's main engine, as alien as everything
else around. Mike has to destroy it by shooting repeatedly... and at
some point tiny tentacles come out of it. Tentacles in a spaceship engine? I don't know what they've
been smoking at Nintendo of America, but it wasn't safe.
After the engine is destroyed (a task proven extremely difficult
because of the spawning enemies), Mike proceeds. The final fight is
approaching!
 |
Now that looks more like a galactic conqueror!
...An alien dragon, sure, but a galactic conqueror nonetheless! |
Mike
walks north for three screens, killing some odd spawns and
replenishing his health... and then he reaches the final boss' room.
Zoda. Yes, this is Zoda right here. A hooded figure? Nope! A giant
alien dragon! And oh my God, it is powerful. Ramming into it is
instant death, it spits fireballs (or stuff that looks like acid;
the NES's pixel graphics are open to interpretation), and it spews
more tentacled creatures. Yuck. Oh, and it can jump forward, too.
Mike has to keep a safe distance and shoot the alien dragon, both
with the Supernova and with other weapons he may have picked up on
the way. And for a while, it doesn't seem to hurt Zoda much... until
he's really hurt and starts barfing. Again, yuck. At that point, it
stops attacking, and Mike can hit it repeatedly until the alien
conqueror is no more. With this victory, Mike picks up the final cube
and... The spaceship explodes. Mike leaves just in time in an escape
pod, which breaks after he has landed... in the water. He tries swimming towards land, but drowns
pretty quickly.
The
end.
 |
Aquaman saves the day! Or just a
dolphin. Sorry, Aquaman. |
Who
am I kidding? Of course it's not the end! It turns out the early
chapters had more significance, as Mike is saved and brought back to
C-Island by the dolphins he helped! I knew they had a reason to be in the plot! Mike gets up and heads to
Coralcola, where he sees everyone doing fine! And all the monsters
have disappeared from the islands! Dr. Jones is there, too! So is
Nav-Com! Everyone congratulates Mike, and Dr. J asks him to put the
three cubes together...
 |
Wait... you're the girl I just saved? My pal Mario told me
that means you owe me a kiss! Come on, I'm wating! |
...which
frees the Argonians! Seven children appear, one of which begins
speaking. In English. She's princess Mica, daughter of King Hirocon
(wait. Aliens in a monarchy? Interesting, but kind of odd...). They're the only Argonians
left. Mica explains that twenty years prior to the game, they were
sent to Earth as those cubes, thinking they would be fine. Now the
Argonians must live on Earth, despite their elf-like ears proving
they are not quite human, joining the ranks of many other alien characters and
species who look just human enough to live on Earth, despite these details that make them
stick out from everyone else.
Mike
replies by saying: “Hi, I'm Mike! We'll find you a home!” ...IN AMERICA! There's a big party in Coralcola. The end.
To
date, Mike still hasn't been able to remove all traces of bananas
from his ears. Let that be a lesson, kids: Don't stick fruits where
they don't belong!
Gosh,
this is awesomely stupid. Or stupidly awesome. Either way, this game
is the definition of crazy AND amazing at once. Mike is an idiot, the
perfect stereotype of the sports guy who didn't really care for
grades. He also seems to be lacking in the logic department, as he
never keeps anything he has won through his journey; aside from his
yo-yo, of course. He throws away everything else as soon as he leaves
the dungeons, even the rare heart refill potions, which are so
useful. That can be explained as the limits in the game's
programming, or maybe as a way to make it a little more difficult.
Still, if Mike kept all the weapons he could pick up, this game would
have been closer to the Legend of Zelda series: A tool can go unused
for a few dungeons and then be re-used a while later. Wouldn't that
be great? Aside from that, it seems like the game is unintentionally
stupid from the start. Mike keeps getting sidetracked, and in some
cases it's the people around him who are actually stupid (like the
Bellcolans blocking the way to Mike – and arguably, to every other
ship who could come by; or Dr. J, who made a submarine that CANNOT GO
UNDERWATER, and who sends his nephew on an
ultra-dangerous quest against very real alien monsters). Still, by
the end, everything goes fine... I suppose...
As
for the gameplay? It's pretty good. Oh, there are programming flaws.
Mike will often be unresponsive to the commands, but Mike moves after less than a second. There's sort of a delay between the button press and Mike's action. And it doesn't happen that much. It's just
annoying when you need him to move fast. Be thankful it doesn't happen too often. Aside
from that, the weapons are all quite fun to use, but it's kind of sad
that you must have a certain number of full hearts to use the better
yo-yos. It does give a greater challenge, though. Mike is restricted
by his own walking speed, but also by his jumps, since he can only
jump in place, unless he can jump to a nearby green square on the
ground, or over a square of water. The music is really memorable, the
bosses are great – though many of them are also very stupid. There
is a good selection of creatures, many of which are VERY innovative,
like the Fuzzies who rob Mike temporarily of his capacity to use
weapons, or the snakes that zoom towards him when he gets in their way –
and sometimes, even when he doesn't. I also include the ghosts that you must make visible in order to hit them. The dungeons are built so that
navigating them isn't horrible, while still being very difficult by
the number of enemies, the numerous traps and the different features
that can appear. I remember the level with the ghosts; a few fake exits that force you to re-do the whole level. Whoa. Some of the non-weapon items are also very creative, like the Snowman.
The music is good, the graphics are good for the era, the pixel-art
pictures when Mike speaks to important characters are detailed and
fun to look at... I recommend the first StarTropics
game. I've played through it a few times already, so it's a little
less difficult for me... but you will find it hard, and you will like
it for how zany the whole game is.
Now,
I tried to avoid every possible “StarTropics is too much like
Earthbound” jokes, because those have been done. A lot. Earthbound
has gained a lot of popularity thanks to Ness and Lucas appearing in
the Smash games. I find it very unfair that
StarTropics has not been represented in Smash. Mike is a bit too much
like Ness? Is that really important? He is not Ness. He can use a lot
of different weapons that Ness doesn't have. Instead of using a
normal yo-yo like Ness, he could use the Shooting Star! He could use
a bat but swing it around wildly instead of using it as a charging weapon
like Ness! He could use any of the other weapons, like the bolas, the
shurikens, the torches! He could use the Magic Mirrors to reflect
projectiles or avoid them! His Final Smash would be the Spike Shoes! Through this game and its sequel, Zoda's Revenge: StarTropics II, Mike has used an entire arsenal of weapons that could be very fun to see in a future Smash game. There are ways to make him different from Ness.
 |
Picture made by Diegichigo, published on DeviantArt.
Needs his grin, a greater jaw... and other stuff.
This pic was made from bits of other brawlers, so... |
Look,
I'm not saying Mike must be in Super Smash Bros. I'm just saying that
there is great potential for him as a character, but he's overlooked by Japan. The StarTropics
series has a great number of fans around the world, and I'm sure they'd all be happy
to see a sequel. Thing is, StarTropics deserves recognition. A
greater recognition as a Nintendo franchise, a recognition it's been
hoping to get for years. More than just a little mention in Brawl's
Chronicle section, a cheap footnote in the History of Nintendo.
StarTropics deserves better. Mike Jones deserves better. Please,
Nintendo of Japan. Hear about StarTropics. Pay a tribute to the
Nintendo of America series, the all-American hero and the epic
adventure set in the Tropics.
Please,
Nintendo. The fans have been waiting. The StarTropics fans are many.
Pit had only two games before he appeared in Brawl. The Ice Climbers
had only one before they showed up in Melee. Nintendo of Japan must
acknowledge what Nintendo of America has done.
Make
it happen. Please, make it happen. Mike has huge potential for a
Smash game, the series needs to be known, there is so much that could
be done... I'm throwing it out there, hoping that this message is heard, like a parchment in a bottle out at sea. If only this could be seen by people from Nintendo of Japan... Don't give up hope. Stay confident. Mike Jones will have his shining moment in the future. Keep hoping.
Tune
in next week for a list of 12 games I grew up with that I haven't
played in a long while and wish I could play again.
In a very
gray world, we see little colored Max drawing in his living room. A
letter addressed to him enters the house, and he opens it, finding a
marker. He starts drawing with the marker, but the little monster he
draws comes to life on the page and infiltrates his other drawings!
Max quickly draws himself with the magic marker, and the character
comes to life, ready to fend off the drawn monster!
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